Tuvia, sorry to hear about the fall but your attitude is really good!
keep up your great work!

Great...

Just pick up and start again.

Shavua Tov,

--Eye.

Since my last fall, today is day 11.  B"H.

This morning my wife texted me that she was leaving me.  She said that I've lost who I really am.  Her mother picked her and our three daughters up after lunch. 

I haven't left work... I'm scared to go home.  Because when I get there it won't be home... only an empty house.

Hashem, have I really lost who I am??!!  I've been trying so hard!  Abba, ani lo yodea!  I'm doing the calls, really applying the 12 steps, making calls with my partner, buying my wife flowers and gifts, and taking time off from work to invest in our relationship.

Abba, do you want me to just trudge on?  For some unknown reason, I feel optimistic... but I don't even know about what.  My life seems to be falling apart.  No matter how hard I try to be clean, its not good enough.  I'm not good enough for life. 

If I was a drinker I would drink, if I was a smoker I would smoke, and if I was a sex addict I would go look at porn right now.  But alas, I'm not a drinker or smoker and porn has absolutely no appeal to me.  I'm repulsed by it. 

Is this hitting rock bottom?  This is the strangest rock bottom I've ever hit.  I don't even know where I am.  All I can think about is going to listen to a shiur right now but I can't find one.

Tuvia, my heart goes out to you.  Just remember nothing stands in the way of tefillah.  I'm davening for you, but more important you've got to realize the koach of your own tefillos.  There is nothing like a broken heart calling out to the RBSO.  Hang in there and hatzlacha.

Ur-a-Jew, thanks for the encouragement. 

Day 15.  Going good so far. B"H

As crazy as this sounds

As addicts we works so hard on hiding it

That when we Start beating the addiction we come across as disingenuous


But it takes time

Don't be too hard on yourself

It can boomerang back

B