Elyah,

thank you for your post.

For me it's  also the people or movies or books, that bring me to question my "method", my life, even myself. :-\

It reminds a bit of the Parsha Yitro. : Moshe could however recognize in an instant the value of Yitro's advice (maybe I can go as far as to take the IDEA of the golden calf as the counterpoint!?? - Moshe totaly destoryed that idea, baruch Hashem).

From your writting it comes clear, that only through communication with Hashem one can develope the humility to understand not only oneself, but also others and new ideas. Humility to understand what is the desired outcome and what path to take in order to get that outcome.

In one book I learned that people through (heavy) mistakes, suffering and pain come to true understanding (daat). There is no other way, one can not avoid it (in the sense, that you can learn it only through living it).  When you think about the parsha Yitro even Moshe was doing it the "wrong" way until someone came and gave him an idea.


Supposedly there is another way, the spiritual way where you can overcome your desires (or "mind obstacles" such as RID - as you put it). I for myself haven't found it yet - as you all know. However, I have learned that living (learning) through mistakes and coming to understanding through living gives better results - lasting results. Therefore I also think, that I don't forget what I truly know (daat - the knowledge that is part of my very being).

Does this make any sense whatsoever....  :o

In any case KEEP TRUCKING ELYAH, you are the MAN!

Mazal tov oon 90 days, and mazal tov on TODAY!

Reading your thread is always thought-provoking. Thank you.

silentbattle wrote on 16 Sep 2011 13:40:


...what do you mean by that?



--Elyah

huh? I mean that I like reading your thread, because you say smart things, and you make me think...

Was there another way to interpret that?

silentbattle wrote on 19 Sep 2011 00:33:


...I was just making a thought-provoking statement.

We need a "kick-in-the-shin" emoticon.

...I guess I should be more careful playing mind games with a Ninja.

Just be glad he didn't ask for a sword emoticon!

gibbor120 wrote on 19 Sep 2011 19:02:


Complete ignorance of the ways of the ninja if he asked for the sword emoticon you'd know he's coming with the sword, instead he gets the kick in the shins emoticon and when you least expect it he comes at you with the sword. Kind of like the Yetzer hora.

Elyah glad that things are working out for you. Continued hatzlacha.

...and then after all that ninja stuff, he would probably demand that I bring a shrubbery!  And also bang some coconuts together.

--Elyah

I think I hit a dead end in my career.  I was all depressed and feeling hopeless for about two weeks.  But, most of all, I was resentful at my wife because she was the one who had the consideration to point that out to me.

BUT, I was in denial.  I was in blame-mode.  After I realized my real problem was my resentment towards my wife, that I was really being self-centered and dishonesty BECAUSE SHE MAY VERY WELL BE CORRECT WITH HER OBSERVATION, then I felt a huge release, I could put resentments aside and take an honest look at my life and take a responsible look towards the future, and my life has started moving along.

I am taking bold new steps, exploring different possibilities, and able to let go of my old way of doing things.  I have the courage to do this, instead of crawling back to my old way of doing things that were not quite in touch with reality, only thanks to being in recovery.

I wish you all a Shana Tova, K'siva V'chasima Tova, and may G-d grant you all serenty, peace of mind, and true happiness and fulfillment in life.

--Elyah

Thanks for sharing, elya.  K'siva V'chasima Tova to you and yours.

See you at Camelot!!

Oh....and a ksiva v'chasima tova indeed!

Still reading your thread.  In lurk mode.

ksiva v'chasima tova. 

See you next year

I have been clean for just over 4 months now.  I nearly fell yesterday but, thank G-d, I didn't.

Two days ago I had a great day putting up the succah with my kids.  We worked almost all day and got almost everything done.  There were just a few things left over, and I thought I would finish them rather quickly yesterday.

But, that didn't happen.  Somehow, the day schlepped on and it was just an hour before the last chance for mincha and I was just starting to work on the Succah.  I was rushing and, of the two little tasks I was hoping to do, neither came out right and one had to be re-done.  I was overall frustrated and angry, and outwardly expressed these feelings in ways that I thought I had left behind with Yom Kippur viduy.

Also, I nearly acted out.  My wife went out for the evening.  I was on the computer for legitimate reasons, but tried searching for some indecent material.  Nothing I tried got past my filter, though.

I was feeling really low.  And, one thing I have resolved to do, is try talking to Hashem daily--following a basic outline that is presented in Rav Arush's book "Garden of Riches."  I felt like dirt, like who am I to talk to G-d.

But then, I thought--who set up this filter?  I did, at a time when I was thinking more clearly, and for exactly such situations.  Though I had been searching frantically for p*rn, it was I who put up the filter so that I wouldn't be able to find anything in a moment of weakness.

True, it's not the ideal, it's not great sobriety, to be searching for scantily clad women.  But, it was a positive way to view the situation, considering the situation.  I was able to carry out my little conversation with G-d after all, though a condensed version.

I have been more active lately with the folks from my live 12-step group than I have been with the forum (though a couple of the guys in the group also started off on the forum).  I called a couple of fellows when I felt weak. 

In retrospect, I see what went wrong.  I knocked myself out 2 days ago building the succah.  I should have taken it a little easy, tried to leave something over for the next day.  I think, honestly, I had very little energy left to do anything yesterday.  Or, I could have realized that I knocked myself out, and I'll need a chance to recharge.

I expected to be equally as productive the next day, when that wasn't realistic.  So, I set myself up for disappointment.

Today was better.  I worked with my son this morning to finish up the Succah.  Then we went and made a trip to get some things we needed from the hardware store.  Then I stopped for lunch.  Then, I stopped for a nap.

I don't expect to really do anything else today.  I'll try to learn.  My kids want to put up the succah decorations, which only needs minimal supervision from me.  I'll probably pick up some hadassim and a lulav for my oldest son on my way back from ma'ariv (did manage to get myself a lulav and esrog, and an esrog for my oldest son, yesterday).

Chag Sameach to everyone,

--Elyah