i am happy for you, reb eye!

Hatzlocha, keep on keepin' on! (an American expression like "You go, boy!")

A lot of things have been coming together for me lately.  I love when this happens.

I just recently heard the idea that, if we have our values clear, and we align our actions with our values, we will be by far more successful in everything we do.  And, a value has to be something that is important to YOU, that you personally care about and strongly desire.

So, instead of repeating to myself, "I'M NOT GOING TO LOOK AT THIS WOMAN," which is something that is not a value and something, put in those words, I don't want to hold by, I think, "I WANT TO BE A MAN OF RECOVERY."

And, looking away is in line with this value.

But then there's another problem.  Subscribing to a value often means losing out on something else.  In this case, there's that temporary pleasure I am giving up (a fake pleasure, but pleasure nonetheless).

So, I need some true joy and happiness to fill that void.

AND, I just recently saw a card printed by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin:

=======================================================
HAPPINESS PRINCIPLES
Read frequently and apply
1.  I think appreciatively and gratefully.  "What am I grateful for now?"
2.  I speak ad act joyfully and kindly.
3.  I assume there is a benefit.  "What's good about this?"
4.  I strive for meaningful goals.  "What's my goal for now?"
5.  I see yself being the way I wish to be.  "How do I want to be?"
6.  I focus on solutions.  "What outcome am I looking for?"
7.  I let challenges develop my character.  "This too will develop my character."
8.  I consistently access positive states.  My awesome brain stores my best states.  "What state for now?"
9.  I smile and wave to mirrors.  They always smile and wave back to me.

From "Life is Now,"
Chapter 21: Joy Made Easy: Nine Principles
Zelig Pliskin

===================================

So, I can pull out this card and pick one of these ideas to reflect upon.

--Eye.

thank you Eye, i really enjoy and gain from your well-thought-out posts

Last night I was feeling some really strong urges.  I was TRYING not to give into them, to no avail, as usual.  I was slipping, definitely on the verge of a fall.  I couldn't stop.

So, I got out of bed, went downstairs, and asked Hashem to help me.  Then, I realize I have to do my part, too.  I went through a personal inventory of my resentments (part of step 4), which I thought was sufficient (it was about 1am).

I realized something interesting.  Because of some work we are doing in our home, I have been off schedule for about 6 weeks.  I was handling it pretty well--not getting angry, being patient and flexible, and lowering my expectations.  However, what I failed to acknowledge is that it is really hard being off schedule; feeling rather useless.  Perhaps there is nothing I can do to change the situation, but I at least have to acknowledge this subtle layer of resentment and tell it to someone to get it out of my head so it can stop festering there.

After the inventory, I called another fellow from the program, which helped a lot.

Afterwards, I had been restored to a sense of calm and serenity, and was able to go to sleep.

And, thank G-d, I'm still clean.

Another thing that was motivating is that I go to live SA groups.  At the start of each meeting you announce your name and your length of sobriety.  Having to admit to a whole room full of people, in person, that I'm back to day 1 feels really stupid.  It's much more of a deterrant than having to reset your anonymous 90-day chart.

It, alone, wasn't enough to stop me, but it scared me into taking more serious measures to get rid of the lust.

So, I'm still sober after 4 months and 17 days, thank G-d and thanks to the 12-step program of recovery.

--Eye.

Eye,

you are a Pliskin fan too. I have found his book on marriage fantastic, truly a book that I can read every day.

And wov, you made it through the night, at the darkest hour. Baruch Hashem for your sobreity, you actions inspire me - thank you for this post.

Eye, when I'm about to fall' or at least feel like that, sometimes, I have a thought like, I have actually had a fall.That because I was so close to fall, and at the end, I haven't. What brings me to the thought that there is no insurance, even after so many clean days/ Or like the Heliker Hazal say :"There is no APOTROPOS LARAYOT"
I red here in the site, that one was asked, if he can slip a bit, because he has such a huge Y"H, and wanted to give him a bit of air, in order to have power for the whole battle, and he got a response that , that on the contrary , just because he is an addicted, he cann't alow himself , doing such slips, he is just too ill, and those slips, will bring him to.....
Ashricha' that you stopped, and you are still sobber!
When I read your coping, I get power!
TODA!

The work we were having done was completed the end of last week.

This week, life is more or less back to normal.  Thank G-d.

The main thing I gained is that, there's the obvious discontent we have when things don't go our way--when we yell, scream, complain, or at least feel like doing so.

But more than this, there is a more subtle form of discontent--a feeling of being useless, trapped by extenuating circumstances.  This also needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

It took about six weeks for that second realization to come to the surface, and then the work we were having done was finished.

--Eye.

Eye,

Your openness and honesty around here is very refreshing, and I'm sure you've grown a tremendous amount due to that.

It's always nice to read your posts.

Warm wishes from an oldtimer...

2B

Good to see you Tomim.  (How did you lose your track record of posts?)

--Eye

When I first joined this forum, I picked a cute username much like nearly everyone else here.

But, I"ve been thinking alot about this lately.  Especially Dov's opinion which is basically:

If we've still got fake names here, our recovery is still fake, too.

The more involved I have become in the forum, in my own thread and in other people's thread, the more I feel like a real person here, and the more I feel that other people are real, too.

And, this fake username is a screen that blocks a certain amount of honesty.  It's a mask.  I think, perhaps, there are some things I feel comfortable writing as "Eye.nonymous" which I wouldn't be so quick to say with my real name.  After all, I'm not really "Eye.nonymous."

Also, as I meet GYE people in real-life, I'm feeling stupider and stupider to introduce myself as "Eye.Nonymous."

So, after much thought, and after sending a few PMs to some prominent members of our GYE community, I have decided to change my username (I'm putting in the request now).

--Elyah

Eye.nonymous wrote on 01 Aug 2011 05:33:


Hi Elyah!

...it seems that, in the end, the way to go is to keep my old username but start signing with my real name.

So, I guess that's what I'll start doing.

--Elyah

Hey amigo! You are a cool guy indeed. May we act more honestly and be more open to admitting our truth (good and bad) to others and may we be helpful to those around us today, be"H. Have a great day!

- Dov

Eye.nonymous wrote on 01 Aug 2011 05:33:
I've read this sentiment from Dov before, and I agree with the idea but I'm not sure about the application. It would seem to me that on the open GYE forum there are more reasons to remain anonymous, or eyenon..., since there are so many people reading the forum and the chizuk emails that there remains the possibility of being exposed in the larger community to people who would not respect our privacy. I'm sure you considered this, but I feel it's important to voice the concern and hear your thoughts on the matter.