The views for this thread were just 9-1-1!

(I'm sure a meaningful mashal can be found in this).

What a beautiful victory. Thank-you so much for sharing that, reb eye. Sometimes I just hold onto the little victories for the whole day by writing the gratitude down on a note and saying "thanks Hashem for doing this for me, or for helping me do this..." a few times over the course of the day, then reading it before or after bedtime sh'ma. it is nice to go to sleep with a little smile. Even if nothing else fels like it went right that day.

Thank God I had a repeat performance.

Friday night fell far short of being inspirational.  It was really chaotic with the kids being themselves.  That sinking feeling set in again.

This time I couldn't pinpoint exactly why I was feeling down.  It was just a general feeling of being overwhelmed.

BUT, the feeling was familiar.  I knew I couldn't fall for it, or I'd fall.

I just said--here's that feeling again, but I can't let myself be depressed.  I somehow managed to project myself out of the situation.  I realized, despite the chaos, I'm probably doing the best job I can as a father.

I actually starting singing TOV L'HODOS L'HASHEM.

And thank God I'm now on 8 clean days.  I know I would have fallen a couple of days ago already if not for this lesson I took out of my last fall--beware of that sinking feeling.  It's not real, it's just the yeitzer Hara trying to drag you down.  There's so much about life you can just find to be happy about.

Beautiful! Thanks for sharing that.

I just updated my chart.  I'm on day 11.

I stared at that number for a while.  I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

I feel like I'm much further along.

I was on day 40 before when I fell.  But now, on day 11, I feel like I'm in a much healthier place than I was before.

I really feel now that the numbers are almost insignificant (but don't go having a fall because of that!).  What matters most is only how long you've been trying to heal for.  Just as long as you're trying to grow from it.

I had that sinking feeling again recently--made worse by a major lack of sleep.  I realized--I'm just tired, and this feeling is only just the yeitzer hara.  There's no substance to these depressing thoughts I'm having.  Life, overall, really is okay.  So, this feeling can just go away.

I guess I just accidentally wrote one of those little poems, though I haven't been one for writing poems since High School:

Life really is OK.
So that sinking feeling can just go away.

I've written better.  This one doesn't even qualify as a little Haiku!  But I think, at least for me, I'm really onto something with this idea to just ward off this sinking feeling.  That's where my struggle with the yeitzer really begins.  By the time I'm fighting off the urge to ma** or to look at p**, it's WAY too late already!

reb nachman said "yesh inyan shenishapech hakoil letoiveh" when we use our falls to strengthen our "ups" we are using the downs for the best "yeridah lezorech aliyah" it says about the days of moshiach "bayoim hahu yevikeish avoin yisroel veinenu" we will be looking for our falls then because we will then rea;ize that its our falls and what it made us after that really gots us close. it says about the times of the churban that titus the romen commander found the cherubim entwined because as the famed "footsteps in the sand"parable goes at the lowest point hashem is the closest. Holy warrior to the riboinoi shel oilam keep strong.
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along
the beach with god.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed
two sets of footprints in the sand,
one beloning to him and the other to god.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the
very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This bothered him and he questioned god about it.

"God, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life there is
only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most
you would leave me."

God replied "My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffereing,
when you see only one set of footprints in the sand,
it was then that I carried you."

Beautiful poem there, eye!

Here's a fixed up version:

Life is really Ok
So I don't need to worry about that sinking feeling at all, it's really nothing. It will probably just kind of go away (hopefully)


How's that?  ;D

Oy, I'm crying tears of laughter. My sense of humor is a little nutty. Sorry for having a little "too much" fun here on your thread :D

Keep up the good work and the great attitude!

guardureyes wrote on 11 Nov 2009 14:58:


Tzaruch lomer: Levite, b'makom eye.

Y'know, I am realizing that there are a lot of unique people here on the forum.

Where are all these guys in real life?  ???

k

levite wrote on 10 Nov 2009 20:34:
Levite, that moshul is  beautiful. i'm actually starting to get choked up just from reading it

Levite that was truly beautiful!!

But no Kutan, I meant eye.

I was referring to his poem:


;D ;D

Slicha, Guard. I must have missed that one.

I just updated my chart--now on day 14.

I feel so much more successful now.  I'm on guard for these depressing thoughts when they just sprout up, instead of just waiting to wrestle with the yeitzer not to act out.

I feel like I have a filter installed in my head!

KUTGW

It's so nice to watch your maturity and growth, Eye.

Keep up the good work!




I'm just wondering if sharing these things in such detail might be a trigger for some people?? For example, I wouldn't the single Bochurim on this forum to read this... But on the other hand... I don't know... So I'm just throwing it out there... Feel free to share opinions everyone!

hi guard i have the same question. i find the issue of gow to deal with marital sex a major issue and id love to post on forum but i dont want to be the cause of anyone else's faults, i dont know maybe e should give this issue some thought. thanks for bringing it up.