I'm currently holding on my 45th day of keeping clean.  I've read often (and the automatic email sent out after reaching 40 days) that the first 40 days are the hardest. 

To be perfectly honest, I haven't had such difficulty.  Meaning, once I decided to get on board, then those overpowering situations that always sucked me in, leaving me ruined and defeated haven't seemed to raise their ugly heads. 

Today has been the first time that I've felt vulnerable since the beginning. It crossed my mind to wait around till everyone leaves the office and then hit the internet.  That's why I've logged on to GYE and am currently writing this post - I think I've managed to subdue the beast.

But what's happened?  I've spent 45 days looking over my shoulder wondering when it's going to hit.  I also feel that my 45 days is a sham b/c I haven't had to struggle. Why haven't I had the fight?  Yes, I've completely blocked my access to the internet at home.  Yes, I'm married and I've been with my wife over the last 45 days quite regularly.  But these things were never foolproof, stopping me finding a way or preventing me in the past. 

Has it been a 'honeymoon' period?  Is the bottom line that I still haven't dealt with the underlying issue and although I'm staying clean, soon I'm going to be hit with a vengeance? 

Everyone has different trigers and circumstances that make them struggle.  Continue doing whatever is working for you and don't think its going to get easier.  It could hit you just like that.
Wishing you much continued hatzlacha.

Dear Yossi,

It's difficult to answer your question with certainty.  One thing is certain, however: It's important not to become complacent.  So keep taking things one day at a time, and seriously consider joining one of the 12-step calls, two of which will be starting up again in around 3 weeks.

Don't worry, by the way, about feeling vulnerable.  It happens to all of us.  Personally, I was feeling weak on Motzei Shabbos and Sunday.  But, Boruch Hashem, I was able to avoid giving in.  How?  The RBS"O gives us a tremendous gift: if only the Afterlife were at stake, few addicts would be able to resist giving in.  However, being that it feels like hell on earth for days, weeks, and even months after falling, we don't need to be Tzaddikim to avoid falling, it's enough to be pragmatic and simply want to live a happy and, yes, pleasurable life.

YC, I'm going to say something that u may not like, I asked that exact same question after hitting 90 days, u can look up my thread in the WOH section and see how people replied, but what I discovered 1sr hand is, that the physical part of being clean alone is not sufficient to make the change, we need to do an emotional & spiritual clean up after that and together we can see things in a different light which than makes things easier, I'm telling u it will become easier if u start re arranging ur brain and connect to hashem, keep up ur good days and the better days are ahead of u, if u need any further tips & advice I'm here for u

YC - I echo what jewinprogress said. Succumbing to temptation seems to me to be an escape from reality. I only escape from reality if I'm unhappy with that reality. If I really want to change I need to settle the grievances I have and live more positively.

When I hit 90 (in fact I believe it began when I hit 30) I had an intense fear of falling. It was undoubtedly the Y"H who was instilling this fear so I woudl fall again. Fear is a classic harbinger of falling.

Live day by day. Each day Daven to H' to help you for just that day. If there's one lesson to take from the fear it's that we cannot do this on our own. If we try all the home brewed tactics of our past and we think for a moment that we've finally beaten this Y"H we're headed in the direction of a fall. That's taking HKB"H out of the picture and there's no way we can do this without Him. Boy, do we need Him!

Did you ever pick up a young child, a 1 yr old? You put your hands out to lift them and they automatically raise their hands up to give you a space to lift them from. Can you picture that? HKB"H wants to pick us up and carry us to the safety of His warm embrace. All we have to do is raise up our hands and be ready for His lift. Let's drop all our hopeless "if I just do this & this it should work.." Chesbonos, lift up our hands and let our Father pick us up.

Hatzlacha YC - keep us posted. We're all rooting for you, especially the Boss!

YC I can relate to the feelings that you've had. Once I made the decision to join GYE I also did not have the massive struggle that many here seem to have. But I've come to realize that it is all a gift from the RBSO because every so often I would be hit with that feeling that told me one wrong move and it will all go out the window. With that in mind I just remind myself that unless I keep in constant touch with people in recovery I may get caught off guard and lose that wonderful life that I've regained. Another thing that I remind myself is that if its so much easier for me to stay sober how much more will I have to answer for after 120 for not getting sober quicker. With that in mind I tell myself just stick to the present and daven to Hashem that you and all the other members here should stay sober today. Hatzlacha.