It has been a busy time lately, a lot has been happening. I am perhaps not in the best frame of mind to write about the last couple of months, but wanted to let you know a little about how life is since my decision to break free, the determination and strength of will (from Hashem) and since reaching the 90 days mark.
You have to make a determined decision, not matter how dark or strong the impulse, because otherwise you are an easy victim. This is being strong, by being true to yourself and those who support and care for you.
I used to think that such an obvious and easy decision can be made relatively quickly, but this is not so. It takes time to introspect and gain clarity to give strength and motive behind your decision to be shomer habris.
However, in the meantime, be it days or even weeks, be extra vigilant not to let go. Do not be uncertain, but have belief. Each day.
The above certainly helped me in reaching the milestone, as well as 'not counting' to 90 days but to 'just keep going' for a few days at a time, or whatever is suitable, and to keep your eye on the target. Where do you want to get to? What is it that you want to achieve?
Since '90 days' life has been good boruch Hashem, even though a lot of 'troubles' have come my way. Emunah is enhanced and I understand more about life and about myself now given my experiences.
Guard your eyes no matter how difficult the temptation. When you internalise this and apply it on a daily basis, that is when you are growing and nearing your target automatically. It becomes easier with practice!!
Today was the first day in several months that I had a 'moment' of temptation which was overcome, boruch Hashem.
Bracha, v'hatzlacha v'yirat Shamayim.