?

You've taken a nice step in posting. Making a post, any post, indicates that you're taking this set of se*-related issues seriously and paying attention and wanting better.

If that's sorta close to your attitude, you're gonna find a way out. And for frum men with lust-related baggage going on, this might be the only game in town for support and tools and all that.

You've probably been looking around the site for a while (or else you wouldn't have found this place to post), so I'll skip all the "welcome aboard & look around" stuff. But I will suggest you keep posting with a little more info about what it is you DO want and what it is you think you CAN be doing.  So, nu?

grubberyung,

I have thought of these extremes before (though not always the chemical part, OUCH!!!) and they came from a place of desperation with my depression and unhappiness, wishing for some way out of the prison of obsession. 

I have found a tremendous amount of healing in the recovery program of the 12-Steps.  So much has turned around in my life.  I rarely now have suicidal thoughts.  My marriage has improved greatly, I'm developing a relationship with my kids and I'm getting hope that things are going to get  even better.

There is help out there!

1st things first. we must welcome you to our gang!

So, here goes:

Welcome aboard!



Now that we got that done, I want to suggest that you check out the posts of JewInPain, he has experience in where you're coming from.

One of his threads is entitled Here we go - Details about JIP

I recall asking the Mashgiach, HaRav Mattisyahu Salamon Shlita, "Is it ok to daven & hope for Moshiach just because that is when the Yetzer Horah will be taken away from us? I know the Rambam refers to those days as 'unwanted days' since we cannot grow if there is no Yetzer Horah to place challenges in our path, but since I see that I am not growing much now either. On the contrary, I just find myself constantly stumbling on those very challenges that were designed for me to grow from. Therefore, I would much prefer a 'stop loss'. Let Moshiach come already; if I won't move up, at least I won't be falling down!"

He replied that not only is it allowed, it can be considered ideal!



We are all frustrated by these 'urges' & 'temptations'. Castration would be a GOOD way to stop ourselves from sinning.

.....but there is an even GREATER way!

Stick around this forum & you will learn how to grow with your addiction! The day will come when you will still be thanking Hashem for giving you this addiction.



The GruberYung that you are today will as yet be a great, big, fat, shtik fun Kedusha!!!

Some grubbers sprout into butterflies.

Welcome to the forum. 

About the question in your title I just have this to say:  "No thanks."

Stick around.  POST POST POST.  You'll find lots of support here.

Your marriage can improve.

Your life can improve.

You can live without p*rn.

Stick around, and POST POST POST!

  --Eye.

grubberyung wrote on 09 Nov 2010 02:22:


Reb G.

I don't know anything about your personal life and marraige, but I have seen and experienced situations where the husband could prove (quite convincingly, even the wife seemed to agree) that the problems with his marraige where his wife's fault. Then he tackled his lust problem and the problems somehow disappated. Don't expect instant results, bit once you tackle lust (and this site will help you do that), you have a great chance to make your marraige what you always dreamed it would be.
KT

Dear grubberyung,

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

Keep on trucking


One day at atime

B

Reb grubberyung, 1st of all, shulem alichem, make urself comfortable, u joined the right group, being part of GYE will help u recover from ur issues, as long as u r ready to give it the best u can and follow through, believe me its worth it every drop of it, I do relate quite a bit to ur situation especially with ur wife's not being attractive, I can tell u on that, "been there done that" and my heart cries for u, cuz no one can understand ur pain, just u and hashem, the name u choose fits perfect for an addict, that's part of us, we beat ourself up and we wallow in self pity & as a result we just give it all up, but now u r a addict in recovery and that name contradicts recovery, remember u were hand crafted by hashem and he makes no grubba yingen, so after settling in plz consider changing that to a more positive name, it will suit u better,
I do see in ur 2nd post here that u r not blaming ur wife at all for the problems and that is already better than I was, I did blame her and things were BAD in all forms, so all I can say to u now is. Stick with us get a strong filter installed. Give the password away and start going a day at a time, if u were to share a little more details we can give u maybe little better tips, ur 1st post was a very general one, so take ur time read other struggles threads,see how u can help urself, ask for advice & if u feel I can help in any way my inbox is open for u
Stay strong my friend, hashem loves u no matter how many times u acted out and no matter how much damage u have done, if we can ruin we can sure fix as long as we live 

Welcome. I feel for you and hope you find a way to make things better.

Many on this site have changed their lives in wonderous ways.

Hatzlacha

The mental images fade over time if we stop looking at such things, much like a person's lungs can heal over time if he quits smoking (provided he doesn't wait until it's too late).

with time the images will fade, as Kedusha said. it is also important to keep your mind occupied. find things you like and fill your mind and time with them. Torah, a good book, music, hobby, talking to a good friend, posting here on GYE, etc.

Dear grubber, we're all like you on this forum... Keep trying to stop, falling back to it again. That's the nature of addiction. Read the handbooks and learn how to get past this. Hashem loves us even in our impurities and mistakes. Don't let guilt eat up at you. The addiction feeds off that.

For your marriage, I highly suggest reading Rav Arush's book called "Garden of Peace". It can change your life.

thanks for that beautiful article.