Be and ZD,
thank you for posting.

ZD,
I have some thoughts about your post that I'd like to share.

I am not looking for my struggle to become "so much easier".
True, I am looking for recovery/healing. I don't think that is meant to be easy, though.

In this world, "I" consist of different parts. Some more "real", true, but nonetheless, they all exist.
My "neshama" is contained in a physical body and is playing out a role here in this world.
Here, it is bound by physical limitations, while still being connected to HKB"H and as such all other neshamot.
My neshama's goodness is always, I agree.

What I mean by "being good" is aligning my physicality and role in this world with the goodness of my neshama and the will of HKB"H. I can and may choose to direct my role in this world through my neshama and let that part of me shine as I can and may choose to cover up the goodness of my neshama by allowing my role (i.e. physical body, ego, etc...) in this world to take on a life of its own. I would not call the latter "being good". And, I am still me in either situation. I agree that good remains, but I am not realizing it and the reason that hurts me and it is painful is because the "true/real" part of me is not being realized. Part of me is striving to become ever so closer to the Creator, yet is hindered.

I think that internalizing this makes this struggle all the more understandable and doable.
Easy?
I think that is misleading and false. This is not easy and it is a struggle.
And there is hope and we can succeed.

And thanks for the love!

b'ahava,

Struggle

Steve,
Sometime ago, you wrote this on my thread:
Steve wrote on 09 Apr 2010 19:00:


If I recall correctly, Bardichev wrote that he was happy that he fell.
I was thinking about responding for a while, and I think my most recent post here addresses this point as well.
I don't think I would say that I am happy after a fall.
I may utilize the opportunity for growth, but happy doesn't sound right for me.
Doesn't change the fact the there is a lot of great perspective over at B's thread.

b'ahava,

Sturggle

Your thoughts are very appreciated and as usual enlightening. I think we are both saying the same thing yet you are using more precise wordage. The task and burden of constantly striving to surrender our burden to Hashem and stay strong becomes lighter and easier to hold once we internalize tat truth. It becomes easier but that doesn't necessarily mean it's an easy task  . It sometimes can be very tough, but adjusting certain Hashkafas we have will make this journey more bearable, and ultimately we will be able to live peacefully with our addiction.

You write


It is important to also bear in mind that the natural state of a soul is to cleave to it's creator. Essentially we are striving and working to align our Neshama into it's Natural state of being, essentially strengthening the strong bond which is already in place.

Basically I'm just trying to emphasize pur constant strongbond to Hashem

Wishing you a wonderful week
ZD

sturggle wrote on 09 May 2010 14:56:

Dear heiligeh's,

I'll tell you why Reb b said he was happy he fell. I believe it's something like this:

I heard an alkie say (and recently heard an SA member say) that it took every last drink I took, to finally get me where I needed to be in my recovery. When someone with recovery falls again, he either collapses c"v and never comes back, or he realizes he needs even more of a connection to Hashem than before. He knows he needs to stay clean. But it took this fall right now to get him to see that he wasn't close enough to the Ribono shel Olam. He doesn't see himself as being farther because he acted out - he sees himself as being even [b]closer - because he has to!

The idea that he might be rejected by Hashem because he screwed up does not even occur to a bardichever yid. Rather, the question that comes is, "what do I need to do now to stay with Hashem?" And the answer comes back - If I screwed up, it means I need even more of his help than I did before! Hooray! He's gonna help me even more now!

Reb b...my turn....am I close?

ZD, thanks for your response.

Dov,

dov wrote on 10 May 2010 03:53:


I understand everything you wrote in the first paragraph, except for the last line. A fall for sure helps me realize that I need to be closer to HKB"H. I can either run away, as you say, or work on that connection with HKB"H. Running away to me means that I realize I have a disconnect and I'm afraid of it, can't deal, so I run. Or I can realize the disconnect and be afraid of it and deal with it, reconnecting and becoming ever closer to HKB"H. HKB"H does not change, so if I have a part of Him in me, that must not change either. However, I have other parts as well and I may feel disconnected to Him and that "neshama" in me. Acting out feeds the feeling of disconnect. I only feel closer if I am able to accept my acting out for what it was and rebuild the connection. Then I can be closer than I ever was before, but not because of the acting out alone, but for my work after the acting out. I think I might have written this before, but it can't hurt to repeat. It's like I am connected to HKB"H by a rope. When it rips, I might want to tie it back together and if I do, the two ends are closer than they were before. Now this rope may not symbolize the fact that I am always really connected to HKB"H, but it may symbolize our true ability to appreciate that connection.

And I'm not so sure I'm a Bardichever... :-\

YOM YERUSHALAYIM SAMEACH!

Yerushalayim is where the shechina resides. It is the center of HKB"H's dwelling here in our world.
May we be zoche to realize His dwelling inside each and every one of our selves and through that be zoche to have Yerushalayim remain as one so we can share the love of HKB"H with the world.

sturggle wrote on 12 May 2010 11:11:


AMEN!

nice pic Rage

and amen to your tefilla!

Sturggle - you might not be a bardichever, but you must be close to being one. I have met many people who act out and immediately sense the abyss. That's all they see: this dark abyss. Of course, it was there before acting out because that's why they acted out...

A bardichever sees the abyss and doesn't believe it is really there and says, "That distance between Him and me is just more BS, just like the lust was!" He gets up and walks with Hashem through the tears.

BTW. I don't need to act out to learn lots of good stuff and yearn more for Hashem - I stick around and let some of the poor folks at the meetings act out for me! That may sound cruel, but old age does that to a guy. 

I don't know if it's a good thing, but that last line got me lolling!

GOOD DAY! GUT SHABBOS! GUT CHODESH! (ONE DAY!)

sturggle wrote on 14 May 2010 12:18:


... here we have Three 'Days' at a Time  :-\


I hope Dov doesn't try to stop us & put us back on the One Day at a Time track.

nice Yosef.

the great thing it to have all of those beautiful things in one day and enjoy them in the here and now.
(i know you were joking, hence the opening to the post.)

this all really is about one day at a time.

for me, the hard times are ones to get through. and remember that they will end. things will be good again. by that i mean feel good, because i know my feelings. i believe that things are always good, at least try to.

the good times, well, then i can take stock and strengthen the aforementioned belief that things are really always good, im good, etc... also a good time to really think what is working for me, what may not be and how i'm going to ensure that i stay on this path i'm on (that's right, the good one).

shavua tov!!