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TOPIC: fresh start 79604 Views

Re: fresh start 31 Jan 2010 21:44 #49960

  • imtrying25
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sturggle wrote on 31 Jan 2010 09:01:

umm...,
umm...,
and is that comment meant to keep me away
or keep me here?
:-\ :-\ :-\
BOTH!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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Re: fresh start 31 Jan 2010 21:45 #49961

  • imtrying25
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sturggle wrote on 31 Jan 2010 11:07:

this forum makes it so easy for you,
your name is there,
the date and time are both listed,
so all you gotta do is say "i wuz here"
wow, how times have changed...
oh, and thanks for stopping by!!!
;D :D
I wuznt here! :-*
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Re: fresh start 31 Jan 2010 21:48 #49962

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sturggle wrote on 31 Jan 2010 21:04:


My therapist got me on that the other day...,
he said that when I'm down and/or having a hard time,
I should step out of myself and as an aspiring therapist ask myself,
what's up with this guy?!
......................and they called it sturggleology!!!!!!!!
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Re: fresh start 01 Feb 2010 08:14 #50127

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Keep on trucking!
Have a great day!

I wuz here.
--Momo
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Re: fresh start 03 Feb 2010 09:18 #50830

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dov wrote on 31 Jan 2010 18:03:

Here's a question for you to think about, and please consider leaving out the politically-correct hashkofa and deep philosophy, just get honest and have a little talk with your own heart: Do you think Hashem loves you even while you are acting out? Yes, or No, and why.
You jot down some stuff, we'll talk it over.
Love (all the time  ),
Dov


Ok, I've been thinking about this and I'm starting to jot down...

When I act out, I don't really think about Hashem.
Sometimes when I act out, I do so because I am feeling angry and my anger may be directed at Hashem.
I don't think Hashem loves me while I am acting out.
I think that thought stems from my not loving myself while I am acting out.
While acting out, I feel distant from Hashem and a lot of times that feeling (or is it a thought?) carries over to my davening, learning and my regular (what does that mean?) relationship with Him.
I don't think He loves me while I am acting out, because I am defying Him, not caring enough about myself, giving in, etc...
Oh, and all that connects to me not loving myself as well.
Honestly, if I'm thinking that Hashem doesn't love me, those thoughts are very likely related to my love for myself.

I think that is enough jotting for now.
Trying to be open and honest.
I am a little bit scared about people reading this.
Here it is, though.
(Why am I not sending Dov a PM?)

I love you guys and I want to be loved and accepted.

Sturggle
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Re: fresh start 03 Feb 2010 09:32 #50835

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Struggles,

You are loved and accepted here.

By the way, I respectfully disagree with you. I think HaShem loves us all the time, even when we act out.

B"H, when you become a father, you'll understand. When our kids defy us, we're angry or disappointed at that moment, but we don't stop loving them.

That's what a parent is. A parent always loves his/her child, no matter what he/she does.

Haven't you heard stories of mothers of criminals in court, after the sentencing cry out "But he's my baby! He's really a good boy!".

A father, like HaShem, just waits patiently until the child (you, in this case), stops defying Him and cries for forgiveness, and then then accepts the forgiveness.

With love and acceptance,
-Momo, and the GYE gang
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Re: fresh start 03 Feb 2010 11:55 #50837

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Hiya stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the jot!! 

Im sure it will help you in one way or another!

And can i say that i feel the same sometimes??

( or should i send that in a pm?? )
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Re: fresh start 03 Feb 2010 18:38 #50955

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Momo and IT25,
Thank you both for your responses.

Momo,
I respect your disagreement with me, but we're not disagreeing. I was just writing what I honestly think and feel. Right now, in my "right" state of mind, I would say that of course Hashem always loves me, no matter what. I wrote what I did to get in touch with my feelings inside and cause Dov asked me too. I actually think that those feelings are dangerous ones to get caught up in, hence the acting out. And who is the GYE gang? Oh, and thanks for your love and acceptance.

25,
Dude, always joking... I don't know if I can keep up. And I'm curious what "Thanks for the jot!! " means, but I'm not sure there's much to read into. Are you trying to take on the persona of Dov again? And you may say whatever you'd like, whether a PM or not. Hope to speak soon and that all is well with you. I am assuming this week has been a good one, because I have not heard from you. Later. And just for the sake of it, , and :D :D :D :D :D :D :D, and don't forget :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*!
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Re: fresh start 03 Feb 2010 22:05 #51008

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I'mtrying - hilarious as usual, though not with the same grungy 10 o'Clock shadow as with our buddy, Rage.

Sturggle - (I wrote this response before seeing your response to him below, BTW) I'm with Momo 100% as far as the truth that's outside you and me is concerned, but as far as facing and reporting the truth inside you, I'm 100% with you. As far as I know, early recovery is not about what's right, at all - it's about the truth about me right now. Thanks so much for sharing the truth about yourself with us.

Now that you see a bit more clearly how you have actually been relating to/percieving Hashem, you have a tremendous gift! It's great to be able to see that I have been walking around with a distorted perception of G-d! And now that blindness and denial are getting out of the way we can finally get to work, by:
    1- Admitting and accepting that our distorted perception has likely been behind some of our attitudes in daily living and has affected some of our reactions to people and things;
    2- Looking at another, more useful attitude toward Hashem with a fresh perspective, and "trying it on". When a chochom sees that what he's got is not working for him, he shops around! Hopefully, as a Jew, we will look into the Torah for help here, but I find it more useful to speak to living Torah-Jews who seem to have a perception of Hashem that is actually working for them...enough with books and dogmatics - I read enough s'forim and apparently it doesn't get into me that way or I wouldn't be here, would I?. This, BTW, is the start of the second step.
    3- When we find something acceptable - something that seems like it'd actually work for us given our needs (exactly as Avraham Avinu did for his needs, per the midrash) we finish up our second step by accepting Hashem's power and ability to help us. We still may not have agreed to give Him the job of getting us through the day yet, but hey - this is step 2, not 3! Ok, now it's time for:
    4- step 3. Good luck.  ;D

Any of this make sense? Do you see the valuable difference between what's true and what's true about ourselves? Anyone who doesn't probably sees the entire thing I'm talking about here as an exercise in apikorsus...then I'd gladly be such an apikoress for Hashem. Kind of like what He told us he wishes we'd do: "Halevai Osi ozvu - veTorasi shomoru!". Enough drashos! Now let's get to work!
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."
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Re: fresh start 05 Feb 2010 13:40 #51420

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Sturggle , do you ever go boating?? I hope not because you seem the type who misses the boat alot!   and heres something special for shabbos! :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Re: fresh start 07 Feb 2010 09:36 #51662

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25,
just cause we're not on the same boat,
don't mean you gotta rock mine!
oh, and gut voch :-* :-* :-*
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Re: fresh start 08 Feb 2010 00:58 #51814

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Oh, whatever, you two....luvya'all
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."
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Re: fresh start 08 Feb 2010 14:29 #51890

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Dov, you came here to post that?
Dunno if I ought to be honored or disappointed!
Thanks for sharing the love!

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Re: fresh start 08 Feb 2010 14:33 #51891

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ok, so im studying here for an upcoming exam
and i must say that i am quite restless.
the material is not so interesting for me
and it is difficult for me to stay concentrated, reading one page of notes after another...
im on my computer and..., well, tG for k9 (tartei mashma)
i figured venting here would be helpful for me,
any other thoughts?
getting up and going on a walk kind of defeats the purpose of studying, so i dont know about that,
i would never get anything done that way
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Re: fresh start 08 Feb 2010 22:55 #52081

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sturggle wrote on 08 Feb 2010 14:33:

ok, so im studying here for an upcoming exam
and i must say that i am quite restless.
the material is not so interesting for me
and it is difficult for me to stay concentrated, reading one page of notes after another...
im on my computer and..., well, tG for k9 (tartei mashma)
i figured venting here would be helpful for me,
any other thoughts?
getting up and going on a walk kind of defeats the purpose of studying, so i dont know about that,
i would never get anything done that way

Reb Sturggle has a poochy woochy? Or is there another entendre' for k9?
Have you studied in chunks of time like 20 minutes max, then break, then 20 more, with the breaks consisting of something you enjoy that doesn't leave you feeling like a dork? eg playing nintedo stuff leaves me with a feeling of indelible dorkitude, but something like cooking tomato sauce in a pan with fried onions and mushrooms makes me feel like I'm pretty cool. Then, for the second break it could be making pasta and watching it boil while reading some LOTR or talking on the phone with soem wierdo from GYE, or a family/friend you like. Then the eating can be the third break. Am I making you nuts, here?
Can you tell it's time for dinner for me and I'm plotzing from hunger?
Seeya!
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."
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