dov wrote on 31 Jan 2010 18:03:
Here's a question for
you to think about, and please consider leaving out the politically-correct hashkofa and deep philosophy, just get honest and have a little talk with your own heart: Do you think Hashem loves you even while you are acting out? Yes, or No, and why.
You jot down some stuff, we'll talk it over.
Love (all the time
),
Dov
Ok, I've been thinking about this and I'm starting to jot down...
When I act out, I don't really think about Hashem.
Sometimes when I act out, I do so because I am feeling angry and my anger may be directed at Hashem.
I don't think Hashem loves me while I am acting out.
I think that thought stems from my not loving myself while I am acting out.
While acting out, I feel distant from Hashem and a lot of times that feeling (or is it a thought?) carries over to my davening, learning and my regular (what does that mean?) relationship with Him.
I don't think He loves me while I am acting out, because I am defying Him, not caring enough about myself, giving in, etc...
Oh, and all that connects to me not loving myself as well.
Honestly, if I'm thinking that Hashem doesn't love me, those thoughts are very likely related to my love for myself.
I think that is enough jotting for now.
Trying to be open and honest.
I am a little bit scared about people reading this.
Here it is, though.
(Why am I not sending Dov a PM?)
I love you guys and I want to be loved and accepted.
Sturggle