dov wrote on 15 Oct 2009 23:17:


Capital M to start a sentence!
10 points off.

signed,

Ms Meyefsky

ppppppppffffffffffffttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops! I meant:

Ppppppppfffffffffffttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;D

Thanks for looking in to our little group over there! Its great to see you doing well, particularly your attitude is something special! You are a serene warrior, one might say. Good luck with all of those kind people trying to set you up  If you aren't careful, you'll end up married faster than you know  :D

sturggle wrote on 15 Oct 2009 11:31:


Sturrgle

Getting to where you want to be in life takes a lifetime to (hopefully) accomplish.  You should marry somebody who helps you get there (and you her).  You have to look for the person who is open to growth on both of your parts and is willing to help you to grow.


I'm not saying this with regards to your addiction this is applicable to everything about you.  I also am not telling you not to wait to date, I don't know you well enough to express an opinion on that.  Just to expect to be a "perfected" person before marriage isn't a neccesary prerequisite.

Just ask my wife.

Me3 wrote on 16 Oct 2009 14:36:


Or mine. 

i fell...
again

i guess im not giving up,
but i have nothing else to write.

im in a funk...

it's realy hard to get back on track after a fall-fest.
ask trying and letakain how many times i've almost fallen this past week.
and that's only the times they know about  :D

that's ok. really. just get back up on the horse and try again.
the part that's not ok is the funk.
cuz it's hard to sturggle when you're in a funk.
tomorrow's a new day.
try again then.
sturggle wrote on 17 Oct 2009 22:54:

what's with the guessing?
be sure of yourself.
"I'M NOT GIVING UP!!!!!!!"
take that you dirty rotten tricky YH!!!

It is. And my heart is breaking for you. But it's real rewarding too Do you remember what it felt like at 30 something dayz clean? I know it's hard to remember. This is what the yh wants us to forget. I'm clean for almost a week now, BH, and there is no better feeling in the world.  Don't let the despicable menuval  sell you anything else!! You know how horrible it feels when you're in a fall fest. Where is the pleasure he promised you'll get???
You gotta determine to GET BACK UP and never let him sell you a  bridge again.
YES WE CAN

trying and habib,
thanks for your words of chizuk.

i am not doing too well this morning either...
i just got back from davening a short while ago
and to say the least my mind always wanders a lot during davening,
this morning, my thoughts were a little less than holy.
i didn't say viudi in shemona esrai,
which is something i would regularly do after a fall,
i just asked HKB"H to help me be makir my sin,
have some charata and then i can hopefully be mitvadeh in an honest manner,
this morning, and right now, i am not at that point.

im also thinking, and ive been in this place before,
if im really going to turn down the menuval as we like to say
and get back up, whether its the 12 steps or not,
dealing with the issue straight up or b'akifin,
all of that would include my intent and desire to do so.
if i believe i have self worth, then it makes sense to figure out how to do this,
if i dont think i have any self worth, then why try?
im not contemplating suicide right now,
but lets use it as an example.
if i want to give up b/c im suffering here
and i dont think im worth anything anyway,
then why not throw it all away?
(ok, i gotta throw this in, b/c i dont belong to myself, i belong to HKB"H)
(hmmm...)
well, as i was saying, if i dont feel any self worth...
so, ppl say oh, its selfish, so many ppl will be upset if ur gone,
well, so, is it my job to make everyone happy,
even if it was, it would be a bad job, and ppl's happiness,
as we know, is not contingent on others, so why on me?
maybe selfish, but factual, theyre prob not gonna be happy anyway,
or they might be, but theyll find that w/o me.
so
if i had self worth maybe i would be inclined to try to get out of this,
but i dont feel so worthy right now...
(although, maybe, Hashem made me and He doesn't make junk)
(so, i owe it to Him, plain and simple)
(yet, is it so simple? i think my emunah is a little lacking right now as well)

im not looking for an, "oh, sturggle, youre great!"
im not crying and i am trying to work this out,
my yetzer is pretty strong right now
and im just sharing where im at...

right, so my challenge for right now,
i think,
is to dig down deep ("dig down deeper")
and find some worthiness,
and even if i am not successful at that,
i can remember, or try to at least,
that Hashem made me and He does not make junk,
and if i am unsuccessful at that as well...
well, hmmphh...

this YH is a strong son of a gun,
in essence, i think we're the ones who feed his strength,
ok, ill take credit for this one,
i feed his strength...

Tremendous depth and insight in that there thinkin' out loud Sturggle!

Keep it coming; you're saying good!
Gooder than this English, thats for sure; right Ms Mayefsky?

Dear Sturggle, We got Uri and Momo into therapy with Reb Shlachter, any chance you'll join them?  

And don't miss Dovid Chaim's calls, starting tomorrow...

If the tools of yesterday are not helping today, we need to try more - and better - and stronger - tools.

I'm not making this up, it's all in the handbooks! (who ever wrote them is a genius!  ;D)

Anav genius of course.

You are SO right. But I didn't want to say it outright. (It might make people doubt).

Sturggle - When I feel like you are describing, people tell me I need some small victories. But they are hard to come by just then. I feel for you, chaver. Really getting out of myself is very worthwhile, and doing for others just "for fun", helps more than anything sometimes. hatzlocha, and nice to know we are all on the same big road together somehow.