ok Dov, you got me!!

GM sturrgle
I jst read about your fall/s . I'm so sorry.
btw, do you reallly think that we somehow have an impact on each others, when we fall? I'm serious. It's not the only time we all fell together, and this time a few of us had a 'fall fest' as you call it.
Scary.

sturggle wrote on 13 Oct 2009 19:27:


Love the new quotes!
Let me know when wabbit stew is ready!

hey Trying,
thanks for that.

it's a good question you ask.
who knows?
the YH prob knows well each one of us is watching out for the rest,
so he's gotta make a full blow to knock us all down,
so there is no one to hold us up...

and to think mom went to kever rochel to daven,
maybe for some reason i do not yet and may never understand,
we were all meant to fall to get to where we are now
and to wherever we will be in the future,
I mean Hashem does have a plan, no?

7Up wrote on 14 Oct 2009 09:35:


are you serious?
and who are you suggesting is the wabbit meat here?!!!!!! ???

Nice thinking. Maybe
So we gotta learn to outsmart him next time.

communication is really important.
and i just witnessed a huge lack of communication from some members of my family.
looks like everyone is ok this time.
but this can lead to bigger issues...
it has in the past.

id like to be more forgiving,
then it wouldnt bother me as much.
i wasnt even involved this time around.
how do i work on that?

and, yeah, this can be a major trigger for me.
ppl close to me not communicating,
the whole world seems like it runs around them.
me? im a fly on the wall, if even that.
ok, dov, now come along and tell me that's all i really am.

i dont want to have any expectations.
i want to be able to be mevatel myself.
how do i do so successfully?
when everyone around me is making themselves out to be all that matters in the world?

GYE is for giving, not getting.

And the amazing thing is, the more we give, the more we get... (but no looking over the shoulder to see if you're getting, cuz if you do you turn into a pillar of salt )

Last week I fell,
my first fall in 50 days...

One of the more immediate triggers was that in the morning,
when I checked my email, I saw an email from my aunt.
She doesn't write me that often or ever,
but she had a shidduch idea.
I read through the email and the idea sounded good and interesting to me,
but I "am not ready", so I emailed her back saying thanks, but no thanks.
I hear many ideas, but not many that I think might be good.
I was very tempted to tell my aunt that I'd try it out.
It was very hard for me to say no.
I am 25 years old and B"H, there are plenty of people out there who'd like to set me up.
This is a challenge for me.
I don't know how ready I am and as a matter of fact,
I think I may not be so ready,
but I know there is no magical point that will pass,
when suddenly there will be a snap of fingers
suddenly I will be ready to date.
So when? What do I do? How do I get there? How do I decide?
Years ago in yeshiva, when I was really down,
one of my rebbeim came up to me and said,
you know what you need? to get married.
i know this has been discussed on this forum before,
but I wanted to vent a little and it is causing me some stress in the present.
I want to be careful it isn't causing me too much stress
and that it doesn't trigger any negative behaviors of mine.
Not so simple...

even the other day, when I was acting out all day long,
ignoring all phone calls, a good friend called a few times,
who doesn't usually call, and the following day i found out,
shidduch idea...

this morning, i gave someone a tremp, happily so,
and it was a hug, because i was going exactly where he wanted to go,
and the conversation turned to...,
are you married? no, not yet.
oh! so, i will take all your details,
shidduch for you!!

being cool with it (trying and trying not to try too hard),

sturggle

P.S. B"H and thank You that I have so many offers. May it be my biggest challenge!

guardureyes wrote on 14 Oct 2009 13:37:


I hear, Guard. And thank you for the response.
Wasn't referring to GYE.
Are you saying that it's a good place to learn the lesson?

Marriage doesn't mean that life will be problem free.  But, one eventually gets to the point where he is ready to exchange one set of problems for another!  May you get there, b'Shaah Tova!

כ"ו תשרי
Day 1

sturggle wrote on 14 Oct 2009 13:25:


BZZzzzzzzzzzzzzt! SLAPP! (ouch!) -

Let's have some color-coded fun!

Have you usually been of MORE use being involved, or LESS...does it tend to backfire even though your intentions are good? With some people in my immediate family I of far more use to them when I stay out of their mess and let them come to me. And most of the time it's very uncomfortable to do, and I need someone's help just for me to shut up...
I'd take 10 minutes to write down the answers to these little annoying questions:
"I don't want to have any expectations..."
Expectations of what?
and: From who?
Have I gotten these things before from anyone...why do I wish inside to get these things, anyway? Do they do me any good?

"I want to be mevatel myself..."
To whom? (or is it who? Where is Ms Mayefsky when you need her?)
As far as I know, I need to be mevatel myself TO somebody. Trying to just "mevatel" myself TO nothing is viscerally revolting. Being a shmateh is OK, as long as it's for Hashem's use or for a cause greater than myself. But just to be a shmateh for anyone to come along and wipe up their mess with is yucky and backfires with my resentments taking over eventually....

Instead of ignoring Shidduchim, why not go out and see what happens?

A. If it doesn't work out, so you'll say "I guess that wasn't the one" or "I guess I'm not ready yet"...

B. And if it does work out and start getting serious, you may have to open up a bit about your issues and see where it goes... If she loves you for who you are anyway, then keep going, and if she can't handle it and dumps you, return to A above.

But what's wrong with starting? You are 25 and you aint getting any younger...

I don't know, this is just my personal feelings. I may be off... I just know that's what I would do (I think).

YEAH GO OUT!!

IF ITS AN AMERICAN

REMEBER WHO IS PICKING YOU UP IN JFK

OH WITH THAT F16 YOU MAY NEED TO LAND SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!