I'm posting, because I don't know what else to do. My mind has been racing and I've thought of many different things I can write at this moment, but in this moment, I am not sure what I am doing.

I fell yesterday. It was a fall fest. A full day one. And it stretched into the night. I have fallen hard, worse than I have ever before, yet not, at the same time. Details will be excluded.

My Feivel is covered with shmutz and grime. I cannot see past it and I am spitting out the filth from my mouth. I know who I am, but I have lost touch. I'm confused and numb and somehow moving on...

We are here for you Sturggle.
Dont forget that.

ya know i really though i would have to strike

thanks for posting!
full day fest? hmm sounds familiar.
but moving on is the epitome of progress, so at least there's that!
and it's so much better to hear that you fell than to wonder whats going on at that end of the world that won't let you post

habib,

is it really? interesting...
im not pulling any falling favors in the future, though.
and i was wondering what's so unfair

and thanks for caring and for your post,
i thought i was off the gye radar

letakain, thank you too, i heard ur call from a far off place

never off the radar... ever...
and just cuz you can call uri and momo and who knows who else
doesn't let you off the hook from posting
you took all your vacation days already, so now it's time to buckle down and work
_{oh gosh i hate the sound of that}

haha, school for me starts next week... :o
gonna make less time for posting...

Dear Sturggle - Not to be more selfish than usual, I really want to tell you that I have been struggling with an inner funk over these Yomim Tovim, which is very disappointing. My mind often races and races, I have tons of weird, sometimes upsetting dreams every night, and it seems like everything I do is either late, wrong, or useless. Most weirdly, I have not shared this with anyone but my sponsor so far, so thanks for bringing my insides out!!! Staying in my head is a bad idea for me, especially at times like these!
Now to get to your biz:
sturggle wrote on 13 Oct 2009 08:26:
...Not telling, just sharing with you: I could never make it if there was no one I could spell out my details to, so that one day I could actually spell out the details to them BEFORE I started the "fest" thingie, which would break the power they hold over me and help set me free. I assume you do have somebody you are getting as graphic as possible with?...


Really spitting it out? See above...it's not punishment, it's just the only way I can start to get free. Besides, I left my Feivel in San Fransisco.


At times like that I read "member stories" from AA or SA literature, share with anyone who understands, think about some of the hilarious and beautiful things bardichever has posted, and start to feel better. Then I get to work real quietly with my Tatty.

None of this may do you any good at all, but as I am having a hard time emotionally around these Yomim Tovim, I really needed to share with someone who would understand. Thanks...

dov wrote on 13 Oct 2009 12:51:


Thank you Dov! I am happy that you felt comfortable dropping that here. You are very welcome.

dov wrote on 13 Oct 2009 12:51:


umm... not really, i dont. ive tried some people, but it hasnt exactly worked out. might you be interested in a
nother sponsee?

dov wrote on 13 Oct 2009 12:51:


i didnt really get the spitting it out, see above, thing. where above? you mean by sharing details? i meant figuratively that im so covered that i need to be spitting so it doesnt get in my mouth.
San Fran, is that where they went?
The Feivel thing was a reference to kabbalatoons at chabad.org for those who might not have understood...

Sturggle, so good to have you back!!

Remember Dov's vort from Rabbi Mendel Feldman:

It says in Tehhilim, "im esak shomayim shom otoh" : Hashem, even if I go way up to the heavens, You are there!

"va'atziya she'ol, hinechoh" : But if I descend to the pit, here You are!"

So, maybe it's not so bad to feel far from Hashem... It doesn't mean that He is far from you. In fact, he may even be closer to you than when you feel you're in Heaven! (As the Navi says, "Merachok Nireh Li Hashem").

Dov wrote:



Typical of addicts... We need a yom-tov like the drunk in this story from Reb Levi Yitzchak, whose Yartzeit is today. Simple but REALLLLL....

But I have another theory. They say that chutz la'aretz needs two days yom-tov to achieve what we achieve in Eretz Yisrael in just one day. The inyan of "eretz yisrael" according to the ba'al hasulam, is eretz = ratzon, yisrael = yashar-kel... When a person's ratzon is all for Hashem, he is a bechina of Eretz Yisrael. So you, Dov, only need one day Yom-tov, and that's why the two day thing causes an inner "funk" .

I suggest moving to Eretz Yisrael, living right near me, and helping me run GYE.

Deal?

Guard,
nice save.
and thanks for your post.
Im happy Dov helped bring it out.

Dov,
and I originally thought you were from Israel.
Just the way you post and everything,
not that I understand myself what I mean by that,
I just had this feeling.
I like Guard's idea...

Sturggle - Thanks for informing me that I was on your thread all along....so slow sometimes...and thanks for the compliment about being mistook for an eretz yisroel-ishe yid! No, I'm in the dark and dank city of  (BEEEEP) on the east coast of the US. Are you in the Holy land? And...Feivel Goes West. Is your feivel any better yet?

Thanks R' Guard. Run it with you? No, but how about me just staying the baby in the picture you stuck on my ID thingie? I like him.

You know the story of the Shochet that cried to the Rebbe that he was too scared to be a Shochet, since he had the responsibility to protect so many yidden from Issur, and what if he made a mistake in judgement? So the Rebbe answered him, "so do you want that someone who is NOT afraid should be the town's shochet?"

And you know why Hashem chose Ahron to be Kohen Gadol? Davka because he felt he was not worthy!

Anyway, I am crazy about babies! Will you come live near me, PLEASE?  :D

Nor bad Sturggle; both R' Dov and Guard hanging out and chilling in your living room!

Guard, careful with that loving babies comment, Kutan and bardichev will be dropping theirs off within minutes!

lol mom! and you won't be?!
btw, did you notice all my new quotes?
and, shh, dov didnt even notice he was here,
better we dont point it out...

shhhhhhhh...i'm hunting Wabbits...........shhhhhhhhhhhhhh