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I am on my third day clean now. I have 2 clean days behind me since my last fall. I am struggling... In terms of boredom and loneliness, those are strong now. I am not even sure right now how to get myself out of that. I also don't want to be complaining anymore about my life, but I am honestly not feeling so great about things, so I'm stuck there. In other words, I don't want to be talking to friends and complaining about my life, but when I am talking to friends, and the rest of the time, all I can think about is how life isn't so great for me right now. Writing that out, I know that it's not even so true, but that's how I feel. I am finding it hard to climb out of that.

Last night I was learning with a friend Masechet Brachot and we came across the sugya about dreams. The Gemara says that a good person should not have good dreams and that a bad person should not have bad dreams. A discussion ensues, but I want to focus on this part. Rashi points out that a good person will do teshuva and a bad person won't, so a good person could have bad dreams and it will affect him positively. It made me think about my struggles, our struggles. The idea has been mentioned here many times before and is in the attitude handbook, but I really felt it strongly when I was learning last night. If we have these struggles, that means we can overcome them, do teshuva and work them out. Otherwise, we would just be living out our lives in this world with no worries, getting all the good we deserve, because we don't deserve any good beyond that. Through our struggling we will be deserving of the closeness with HKB"H that is beyond this world.

hey! my last post got cut off!! it's time to run to mincha, so i'm not going to fix it up now, will make an attempt later. is there anyway to retrieve my lost remarks?

besides for that, im doing ok, but i need some chizuk!! i know i dont give even close to enough of it on this site, i just feel like i have nothing worthwhile to say. either way, right now i could really use some chizuk. ill ask HKB"H for some as well, although I've been finding it hard to connect recently...

Heliga Struggle,

I was out of commission for days and thrilled to hear that you are on another streak. 3 days clean gevaldik!

Have you ever visited with Rav Shalom Arush? If not, please see him. He has helped thousands of people. I am finishing his last sefer and can't wait for the next one to come out.

Have you researched the site for tips that you can make into your personal book? Please start now. When your mind is occupied, you don't have time for other thoughts to creep in.

Love,

Pintele Yid

I fell last night. I was at my grandparents for Shabbos and they have a computer that is not filtered... I was thinking of going out, but Shabbos ended late anyway and my friend that I was going to get together with got held up somewhere. I decided I'd turn in a bit early, it was cute, my grandfather said that at my age it was a crime to go to sleep so early, but I was tired anyway and planning on getting up pretty early for shacharis. I figured I'd read a book and fall asleep. I ended up going on the computer, checking this site and then, well, things went downhill from there. I wish I could even send out a cry for help like many others do on this site, but I was gone... And I thought I wouldn't go so far, just a minute and that's it, and an hour plus later... Then I woke up this morning for davening on time, which I was happy about and pleasantly surprised that I was able to. I fell again this morning, acting out my own in bed before I got up and even after I got back from davening by going online again... I am feeling quite miserable and almost like I want to give in... I know that I don't want to, but I am feeling somewhat helpless and hopeless and it's pretty strong. Now I'm still at my grandparents on my own computer, which is filtered, and my parents are here. I don't feel like spending time with my parents... and in this mood, it's not helpful, but for some reason I think I might stick around here anyway... I don't know what's with me... Well, just checking in... Hope to keep my head above water for the rest of the day.

struggle

where is everyone? i feel so alone!! im going to help my dad with something in my grandparents apt and then maybe going to eat something but i dont feel connected to them at all. i want to hear from you!! i even feel my sadness over this turning into a slight anger even though i know that feeling is a huge sheker and a shtus. well, thats me being about me, so im going to help others now, i.e. my dad.

struggle

Dear struggle, your struggle is real. Please read the handbooks, particularly principles 24-30 of the attitude handbook.

May Hashem be with you!

R' Guard, why do I feel like I'm so alone here? Even on this site?  :'(

I had an emotionally difficult day. I felt very lonely and disconnected and my phone's battery was dead and I had no charger, which didn't help one bit. I am not celebrating even one day clean now, but I made through the past many hours and would like to thank HKB"H for His help.

struggle

struggle wrote on 16 Aug 2009 23:38:
We're all so proud of you Struggle! Keep up your attitude, and you're looking at a straight 90 days (and on)! 

2B

Reb Struggle,

You are not alone. An hour on a Sunday afternoon struggling the y"h can feel like an lifetime. Please keep up the struggle!!

Hashem is with you!!!

Struggle,

Your feelings of loneliness are common tricks of the Y"H to become depressed, everyone falls, you were the one who gave me chizuk earlier! Thank you so much you are a true Tzadik! As was mentioned Hashem is always around, what I enjoy doing at night sometimes is I look up to Shamayim and talk to Hashem, Its so beautiful and serene , we each have such a special relationship with G-d , he gives us tzaros because hes tapping us on the shoulder, "hes saying " Hey Struggle I'm right here just come and cry out to me"

The more you let Hashem into your life the more of "him" you'll see his involvement

Best of Luck

wow, guys, thanks... your words are bringing tears to my eyes, seriously,  :'(  :'(. and who said men don't cry? your posts and words mean a lot to me.

BeStrong88 wrote on 17 Aug 2009 01:52:


so true, so true. may you, me and the rest of the gye chabura and all of klal yisrael be zoche to really internalize this huge yesod...

getting through day one of my new count..., so far so good, as i've davened, learned a little bit and am catching up on gye. i pray for HKB"H to help me get through this day, this moment.

b'ahava,

struggle

THE
      FIRST
            DAY
                  OF
                    THE
                          REST
                                OF
                                    YOUR
                                          LIFE
                                    NOW
                        THAT'S
                        A
            PRETTY
      BIG
DAY

Yeah, Rebbe, it is!! And this site is helping me get through it with a smile on my face... I even said "mah nishma" to a bus driver today and stood there until he answered. Guess what? He smiled too!!  ;D ;D