Sturggle, acting out was your way of not having to face the issues. But the only way to solve the issues is by facing them!

Of course it's easier to escape reality and let yourself drown in peace! Death is definitely the easiest way out!

BUT LIFE HAS SO MUCH IN STORE FOR YOU! YOU CAN -AND WILL- ACCOMPLISH SO MUCH! YOU ARE ALREADY DOING SO MUCH FOR US

HERE ON THE FORUM AND THIS IS ONLY THE VERY BEGINNING!

It's abundantly obvious, that the people that Hashem chose for the mission of revealing the shechina in the darkest places, have tremendous hidden kochos! As long as those kochos are dormant, we feel lifeless. Only when we start to discover our selves, do we really start tasting what it means to LIVE!

This is what it means when Hashem tells us הנני נותן לפניך את החיים ואת הטוב, את המות ואת הרע  It means what it says: Either you choose the harder path of life, or the easy path of death.

But Hashem loves us much to much, to really let us destroy our selves. So everybody gets his tikun at some point. BUT THE SOONER, THE BETTER!

The later one wakes up, the more painfull it is. (Of course it's the most painfull when someone never wakes up and has to get his tikun in the Olam Ha'emes)

YOU HAVE THE TREMENDOUS ZECHUS TO HAVE WOKEN UP AT AN EARLY STAGE! SO JUST FORGET ABOUT THE LAZY OLD WAY AND BE THE MAN

THAT YOU REALLY ARE!

sturggle wrote on 01 Oct 2009 16:36:


My pleasure, Sturggle. 

Please reread my post entitled "Post Yom Kippur Encouragement for those Having Setbacks," especially the "P.S." at the end, which I just added.

rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1037.0

Bravo 8) 8)

sister signing off duty

Chag Sameach Sturggle,

I just saw your SOS call. Sorry I wasnt around earlier.
Hope you are doing better now.
I will keep peeking in and checking out the forum so if you need you me,

Dear Struggle,
Sorry I didn't see your SOS earlier. The Y"H caught us off guard!
I hope you're doing better. We're here for you.
Momo

im doing better. im doing worse.
i dont know.
im ready to give up.
i want to and i dont.
maybe ill just get drunk.
does that rhyme?

Struggle,
I just tried to call you, but you didn't pick up.
Will you call me now or should I try again? Will you answer?
I need to speak with you.
Momo

why do you need to speak with me?
i dont think i can talk right now.

it's good, no?
drinking is better than s**...

i think we should move this conversation to PMs,
im a shtikel embarassed.

Struggle, pick up the phone. I'm calling your cell.
Ask Uri, he knows how much of a persistent little nudnick I can be.  
I can't work until you do. And if I don't work, I'll get fired. Do you want that on your conscience?

Pick up the phone.

i cant believe it,
but that actually made me laugh,
a little bit anyway

you guys have no idea how strong this commitment is for me  to go for 90 days,
its tearing me apart,
life would be so easy w/o it
oh, wow, im falling apart,
i just want to prove to myself that i can do it,
i took it upon myself,
and i dont want to give in.
Gd help me when these 90 days are over

You are probably experiencing withdrawal symptoms. This is normal!!!
(Thanks for picking up, by the way.)

The key to the 90 days is not to struggle over it as a huge project. That's too much for anyone!
Take it one day at a time.
Say to yourself, just for today I won't bring lust into my heart and act out.

I suggest you take your cell, turn off your computer, and go for a walk. Enjoy looking at the different types of Sukkot. Make a contest in your head to find the nicest one.

We love you!
Your brother in recovery,
Momo

withdrawal shmithdrawal, ha!, that sounds almost like fell shmell, did you pm guard or something?
and why should i take my cell on a walk?
im listening to marvelous middos machine, does anyone know what that is?