its morning now
and im not feeling so much better
maybe its the y"h
but i think hes got me on his side right now
i feel a storm brewing inside me
im standing on the brink of an abyss
if i fall in
maybe ill find true bliss

at least ill be able to drown out all the noise from outside

kedusha,
i didnt get your post,
what are you trying to say?!

oh no, you wont...
True bliss is me right now. After (through no credit of my own) staying on top after all the temptations...read my thread

i read your thread,
i posted there too
good for you that you have your bliss
my question is where is mine

Sturggle, work out those seconds.
A few seconds pleasure  compared to 42 days??
Call someone
Go for a walk
Blast lively music (no, not slow depressing stuff)
Head outside and watch people build their Sukkahs.
Even better; offer to help someone.


And yes, we are here

my therapist scheduled a meeting for me special today,
that was nice, so i went,
but i didnt really want to go anywhere,
and now im back,
and i still feel a gaping hole inside,
right now the urge to act out is not so strong,
but im feeling very down and alone.

mom,
ive tried some of those things.
maybe ill go listen to some music,
maybe ill sleep.
im scared of calling someone,
im scared of really interacting with anyone.
maybe im just scared of me.

im still not sure about yesterday or about kedusha's post,
anyone here i can pm that can help me figure this out,
kedusha? guard? battleworn? bardichev?

Sturrgle

When I logged on this morning I was sure I would see that you fell. You were sturrgleing so hard yesterday it didn't seem possible that you would get through.

And yet here I am again and your still sturrgleing! That's amazing! I don't know how many hours you've been locked in battle with the Y"H and he hasn't been able to overcome you. I'm reminded of the battle between Yaakov and the malach of Esav.

Keep it up Sturrgle!!!!!

As we say in the hood, You Dah Man!

sturggle wrote on 30 Sep 2009 13:09:


Dear Sturggle/Struggle,

Please see my post entitled "Post Yom Kippur Encouragement for those Having Setbacks."  If you've never heard this idea before, it will blow you away, and may be just what the doctor ordered!

rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1037.0

Me3,
I appreciate your words of encouragement.
Truth is, right now I don't have much strength to do anything,
including falling.
I'm finding it hard to even pick myself up from the computer and go lay down.

Reb Kedusha,
I saw your post.
In both places that you posted it.
I get it, but am still unsure what mitigating circumstances I might have been in.
Tachlis, you dont know what went down.
I'm not so blown away...,
I'm just down and pretty heavy.
I think it's going to be hard to move me at all,
let alone blow me away.
It is a great idea, though.

sturggle wrote on 30 Sep 2009 14:02:


If you're an acknowledged addict (not everyone on the GYE forum is), then that is your mitigating factor.

Sturggle, I was feeling down today too. A few things went wrong.
1) The GuardYourEyes paypal account, with all the recent donations, was blocked because of some new law that doesn't allow charities outside the U.S.
2) I brought 3 Esrogim to the Rav to check, and he didn't like any of them!!

I was feeling really down, and I had no strength to answer your cry for help this morning.
(Couldn't think of anything to say, can you believe that?).
I needed cheering up myself.

But then, I strengthened myself in Emunah, and slowly things started to look upwards again.

I called PayPal and they said I should close my account and re-open it as a U.S account. That is a process, but it should hopefully solve the problem.

And I found a beautiful Esrog between Mincha and Maariv!!

So, as you can hear in this short audio clip from Rabbi Reisman, the Steipler's advice on depression is, "it will pass"...

Thanks for sharing my down today. We're all human. Love you man, keep strong!

Kedusha,

I don't know what I am.
I was just confused whether you were trying to say that I shouldn't count the fall.
I don't even know if it was a fall.
Mitigating or not.

sturggle wrote on 30 Sep 2009 19:33:


Whether or not it was a GYE fall will depend on the circumstances.  But, Teshuva-wise, I'm suggesting that, according to the Shelah HaKadosh, you can turn back the clock to where you were right after Yom Kippur, if you do Teshuva.  In other words, according to the Shelah, you're eligible for a reprieve.  Do not miss this opportunity!

guardureyes wrote on 30 Sep 2009 18:32:


Reb Guard,

I can believe that.
I am happy that things worked out for you today.
I'm not sure if that "thanks" is deserving of a "you're welcome",
but your post does mean a lot to me,
thank you.

Guard!
Dont you know the GYE family rule?
When we feel down, we  come home, and kvetch so we can all feel sorry together.
Either come to Struggle's cozy thread and hang out, or Moms kitchen thread with chicken soup and ice cream!

Now youre supposed to copy and paste that  on the HUGS thread....

sturggle wrote on 30 Sep 2009 19:33:


I know;
A wonderful guy who is trying soooooooo hard
who feels that he is fighting an uphill battle all alone
Who has conquered 42 consecutive days, countless individual days,
and who hasnt quit despite all.

RATM is no fool - flaky or not - when he says you are his inspiration.