:'( :'( :'(

I fell on motzai shabbos and again sunday morning. I did not look at any porn. I just started touching myself and things moved on from there. I am fasting today and am trying to move on and at the same time think about how and why I fell. I hope to elaborate more at a later point, but this post has been difficult enough to write and I wanted to get out something. I am feeling the relief inside of me that I am sharing this with you. Thanks for being there (here?).

struggle

struggle my heilege friend,
do not be afraid of falling,and do not be so ashamed.i can only speak for myself but im sure this applies to others as well saying that u are a tremendous source of chizuk here.u have a lot of tumah all around u and your struggle is very real.yet u persevered over and over.3 weeks,brother!thats a lot of won battles!u may have lost a battle last night but you are forsure winning the war!keep posting tzaddik-uri

hey uri, thanks for your words of encouragement.

i fell again this morning and to think i just updated the chart with a new three day clean start. i'm doing alright, considering.

i am one day clean and working through my second...

before i fell a week ago (the first time), i felt that i was on such a roll and i feel that i've let myself down. i was talking to a friend on friday and he was trying to say that at out age, i'm 25, it's normal for guys to need a release and if i mas**** once in a while with being in control then it's not so bad. u see, something about me is that i have attractions to other men, so if i can at least think about women, then, hey, that's great! well, i don't really like that approach.

i also lately have gotten into some tv watching... and it's been consuming a lot of my time and i feel it taking over. is that also an addictive behavior? the show that i've been watching is not really inappropriate in my opinion and i go through thoughts of maybe i should watch a little bit, after all i do need to unwind. being that i'm taking exams for university and i'm under a lot of stress due to that, it is good for me to take a break. i wish that as a break, i could stick my head into a gemara or any sefer and learn, but it doesn't do much for relief.

i'm also under stress because i don't know where i'm going to be living next year and i'm having some tensions with members in my family, mostly my parents, but not only. all this has been getting to me and took me on a downward spiral, which is why i came to this in the first place. about a month ago, i was doing pretty poorly and then i got a filter for my computer..., which has helped a lot. in the last few days, i've been tempted to look at things b

I pray for you in your holy struggle. The seforim write that prayer for spiritual matters are guaranteed to get a  positive response from our Father in heaven!

With tremendous  love and respect  to a fellow struggler

Noora

thanks noorah, really appreciate that. i should probably be doing some more sincere praying myself.

coming to the end of day two. hard to explain how i feel, trying to just move forward without slipping too much.

struggle

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2B, I so very much need that...

I fell again late last night/early this morning. I'm not so down about it, which I'm not sure is good. I'm just confused. Overall, I was having a pretty decent day yesterday. I feel like every time I'm at a crossroads and I am making a decision of right or wrong, I so easily give up on the right. I feel the pull to both directions, so I guess that's something. I'm going to get out know, go to Yerushalayim. Maybe I'll head to the kotel and even bump into Uri there. I feel exhausted from this fight and yet there is still something in me that wants to keep going. I know I could pull this off. I have been in the past clean for close to a year. I don't know if I ever got past a year, but that's a lot. Now I'm having a hard time getting to three days...

Maybe it's the loneliness I feel. I dunno, I pray to have a clear sense of right and wrong and a desire to do what's right.

struggle

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yay music! i love music! it's so great to have music again!

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Struggle,

Your strugggling is what is holding up the world!

Why don't you count up the clean days you had since joining the GYE community vs. the number of days where you fell. That should give you alot of Chizuk.

I also think that if not having music during the 3 weeks contributes to your falling, then you could listen even during the 3 weeks.

You seem to be studious. Why don't you make this site a "study project" for you. Take all the ideas and strategies from the site that resonate with you, and come up with a plan for all different types of situations.

The harder you work, the more hatzlacha you will have.

Shvitz is good. ;D

Pintele Yid

Shalom to all. I had another fall on Sunday and it was a pretty bad day. I came very close to acting out and found someone to talk to over Skype. Today I was pretty down, took a reaaly long time to get out of bed this morning, but got through the day and even ended it fairly well. I feel confused, ashamed and angry at myself. The worst is that I feel the lust ready to pull me right back in to its power. I am so not free. What is bringing this on for me? Wasting my time? Oy, now is time for bed, but I definitely need to shvitz this out as Pintele Yid mentioned. What next...?

struggle

still struggling...

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I have just read your most recent posts in regards to your struggle. I feel pain by your series of encounters although relief and joy that you are keeping your head high.

Obviously I do not know you well, but the following are some of my suggestions from an 'outsiders point of view' and from personal experience:

1. Keep your head high; be proud that you are fighting and wanting to overcome this temporary set backs. It is even more important, to raise your head even higher - to Hashem Himself! Pray for Hashem to protect you always, and just talk to Him from your heart!! Feel a sense of humility, gratitude for any personal blessings, talk to Him about your ongoing struggle and the reasons you want to stop such inappropriate behaviour and its consequences.

2. Make fences. I was recently reflecting on the ongoing struggles and almost inability to resist such urges or temptations - for such a long time! Only when I started receiving a little help from this forum did I learn, and see the impact, that well thought out fences can be a form of protection and regain strength in ourselves. Practically: Make a list of reasons, motivations, or even those unexplainable 'triggers' which compel you to 'acting out'.
For example, boredom, loneliness, explicit material, thoughts etc. Then think about ways to avoid such behaviours - at all costs!!

3. A few times a day, reflect on the reasons and your decision concerning sexual urges. Each time you do this, you are strengthening your resolve to overcome such struggles. This applies also to its consequences and your future.

4. Pray. Learn Torah. Be strong.

Ask for help with any of the above and discuss it with us. Perhaps you can mention some of your techniques, fences or personal decisions to inspire us, or for feedback.

One day you will proudly change your name from Struggles to something of achievement and success. With Hashem's help.

b'Hazlacha