Hi Struggle, are you sure you can't make Duvid Chaim's group at 7 PM Israel time? If not, I would suggest SA over SLAA. It is generally better suited to our situation, although I am not sure what exactly your situation is. As far as mixed gender, Rabbi Twerski doesn't see that as a problem for someone who is desperate to heal from this "spiritual cancer". If someone needs Chemo therapy for cancer, will they not go if the doctors or patients are mixed?

As far as committing time, if you are confident you won't slip anymore than you don't need to commit time to recovery, but as long as you keep having slips, you have to be willing to commit as much time as you act out to recovery. Would a cancer patient say he doesn't have time for Chemo?

Sorry for using such a strong example, but that's really what this disease is. It's a spiritual cancer that spreads and spreads until it kills us if we don't deal with it NOW.

thank you for your responses. i am trying to take one day at a time. it is not so easy for me. especially in my current circumstances, which naturally incur thought about the future. (i know im not really explaining that..., well, thats it for now...)

i am not confident that i won't slip up anymore. i have taivos everyday! i also know that if i was confident, that in itself would lead me to an eventual fall. unfortunately, i am very much living the expectations of the world around me. due to the privacy of this sickness, it is difficult and challenging to find the proper recovery and the time for it amongst life's routine. sometimes i think about being really noticeably sick or even hurt (like maybe i should do that to myself) so that people will notice something is wrong. i want to be better. i also want to tell you all about my situation, but it is not easy for me and words don't come to me so easy. and i see myself writing and hear (yes, hear) myself thinking, easy, easy, easy, easy, WHO SAID THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY?!! anyway, i'd like to be getting to bed.

12 days and counting. this site is really helping me move forward with the chizuk, the implicit support from everyone writing in this forum and the chart, thank you.

i just went through the thought about this not even being a good post. im not really sharing anything and i should delete this all and go to sleep. something tells me to just click post and move on.

There is always chaos before the CALM 

Struggle, worrying is the opposite of accomplishing. Try to post without being so worried; trust in Hashem to make it work and post away. Tell us more about yourself, get it out, brake down those walls of isolation. We all love you so much and the more we get to know each other the more you'll feel it.

CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!! 

13 days... B"H, may He give me the strength to continue and when strength isn't good enough or not what i need, may He be there to support me

struggle

13 is the gematria of Echad! Every clean day, you can get a better and better relationship with Hashem Echad. You can start to appreciate more and more how Hashem controls everything and we just need to calmly do our job.

The feeling of not being able to continue any more, of just wanting to curl up in bed with the covers over your head .....or even worse ;( is something that I relate to very well!!
We all have such moments!! Especially when the stress is UNBEARABEL.........HELP!! Where do I get off?!!

Dearest Struggle, Keep on posting!! It can be very therapeutic! And u may even find that there are ppl here that really care and some of us here on the site are darn good at hearing the PAIN that's posted "between the lines"!!

With tremendous empathy I humbly remain your new friend

Noorah

Battle and Noorah, thanks for your chizuk. I really hope and pray that I will become more and more aware of HaShem's control in this world and more and more calm in the circumstances that I may find myself.

Yesterday was my 14th day clean.

Late last night, I watched some trailers for some movies on my computer, something I have refrained from doing in the last couple of weeks. There was one specific trailer that I knew would be slightly problematic for me and I shouldn't watch it, but I gave in to the temptation and saw it anyway. Most if not all of the other trailers I saw were pretty harmless and somewhat funny. B'kitzur, I had a wet dream last night. I don't remember the dream, but I do remember waking up at some point realizing that... Sometimes this happens and I'm not sure if I'm really "wet" or not, and I hope to not be, but this morning when I woke up I double checked and it did happen. This is a clear slip for me. I don't think it is and don't want to consider it a fall, but I have this nagging feeling that maybe I should. After all, I could have been more careful. 

I also feel good about myself as I have been sitting in front of my computer pretty much all day for the last week or so studying for an upcoming exam. There have been many times that I have taken breaks and times that I have been bored and therefore tempted to freely surf the net. Thank Gd and thanks to this website, I took the opportunity to find positive things to do with my time. I checked out the kosher isle on the site and found it helpful.

Gut Shabbos...

struggle

I have 16 full days to my record. I had a beautiful shabbos that i was zoche to spend with some good friends. I also had some lonely and frightening moments. Thanks to HKB"H, I got through. shavua tov to all.

Keep up the good work!

We created a new "automated" 90 Day Wall of Honor chart to make it easier for everyone (it is still under construction, but it is already functional).
Click here to see the new automated chart.

From now on, you can updated yourself manually. The chart automatically keeps track of how many days you are clean and what Level you are on, each time you update.

Here are the RULES for the new chart:
- You must update yourself at least once a week.
- If you do not update yourself for over a week, your name becomes RED.
- If you do not update for two weeks, your name falls off the chart.
(Even if you fall off the chart, your name remains in our database, so you can choose to go back on the chart by logging in with your username and password and pressing "edit profile" and then selecting "Put me on the chart").

To update yourself, click here to Login.
Type in your username: struggle
The password for everyone on the chart is currently: GYE
(you can change your password by clicking "edit your profile" at the bottom)
To update the chart, choose "Still Clean" and then press "Update Chart"

We hope you enjoy this new feature. It is one of many new features that we are working on.
Please send us any remarks about the new system, or if you think something should be different or that we should add/change anything.

Keep strong!

I think that I should be jumping up and down for joy as I am finishing my 18th day of sobriety. I want to be bouncing with life and the full force of chai, but I don't... I've had a draining day that ended being very different than I expected. I took an exam this morning and was hoping to relax afterwards and take care of different things non-uni related. Instead, after the exam at about 10:30 in the morning, I met up with some friends to work on a project and I didn't leave the computer lab until less than two hours ago; about 21:40 or so. The work is still not done and it is supposed to be submitted tomorrow, latest Wednesday! I am nervous that if I don't appreciate my milestones on this journey, I may easily slip and fall at some point. I want to be consciously sober. Hope to get through the night without any mishaps...

struggle

HELLO HEILIGE STRUGGLE

I HAVE NOT GOT A MAGIC WAND

THERE IS NO SUREFIRE ANTIDOTE TO THE Y"H

HERE ARE A FEW TIPS

A. RE-READ ALL OF WHAT YOU HAVE EVER POSTED

REALIZE THE PERSON YOU REALLY WANT TO BE

B. PUT A SMALL MIRROR IN FRONT OF YOUR SCREEN

SEE HOW HORRIBLE YOU LOOK WHEN YOU ARE VIEWING ***N

C. PROMISE TO REWARD YOURSELF IF YOU HAVE A CLEAN NIGHT

D. DAVEN FOR HELP!!

E. STAY ON THE FORUM

F. GOT TO SLEEP


WITH ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD

KEEP UP THE GOOD AND HARD HARD WORK

bardichev

Bardichev, thanks for your tips.

I have just completed three weeks clean and am now journeying into my fourth.

Gut Shabbos

Struggle

thank you

look at how much you accomplished

WOW!!!

oy yoyyy shabbos kodesh

bardichev

Struggle, KUTGW!