Dear Soldier,
Thanks for sharing... and being honest. That itself is a big step.
Yes, this would fit in the about to fall section... and perhaps you would get more immediate and many responses!

Anyway, One of the things GYE teaches, and you will find it true firsthand, is that urges and feelings are just that! in other words, they are not REAL, and you can tell yourself:

Kutan, Soldier, I have this urge, but it is not real. If I don't pay attention to it, NOTHING will happen (pun intended). Its just part of the nutty part of me that - what do you know - is still there  :

HATZLACHA!!!


and please keep us posted!

thank you kutan. obviosly its hard...but im trying to keep going.
btw, does anyone remember the teffilah that i made? so one time i showed it to my rav to ask for approval. so i think im gona ask him regarding this issue that whenever (cross out) if i have any falls im gona ask him if i can tell him.
ill tell him why and etc.
anyways, im still pushing. im still trucking, i feel like im getting stronger for today. but still im not getting to confident. its still a big urge

i copy pasted that original post to the about to fall thread

today is day 9?
doing pretty good. i got hit by a masive urge attack today. baruch hashem i was not by myself (i was in school) and i was unable to act on it. shortly after, i was able to control my mind. there was a bris of one of the rebbeims son today.

tonight is rachel imainus yartzeit. lets all daven to hashem for our needs. aspecially to cure of from our addictions!

keep shtark!

shtarkeh trucking!

:D

day 11.
i have a very strong urge.
i understand what it meens that sometimes we act out as a "self medicated medication"
but what about when you feel like there is nothing wrong? like right now i am good/ comfortable. i did have anxiety over the course of today, but can that be a reason why i have a strong urge now? or is it just part of being an addict that sometimes you can just get this strong urge?

just part of being an addict.


When you're clean for a year, the urge never gets strong because you don't view it as being in the realm of the possible.

day 12
i almost had a real bad fall yesterday (last night)
in the end i am still clean, but it was hard. its late ( i know i say that a lot "its late" but it is late    )
ill try to get online tomorrow!

HashemsSoldier wrote on 22 Oct 2010 04:23:


Rephrase:
I kept my sobriety even when it was very hard last night and I felt close to falling.


wow.
what an uplifting experience!

Wow!

Kutan!

I wish I had YOUR glasses. 

for the sake of accuracy, kutan doesn't wear glasses (whoever heard of a sheep wearing glasses) and world who seems to have hijacked reb bards' ice cream truck  > is decked out in reb bards' costume, glasses and all.

so the unavoidable conclusion seems to be is that kutan is wearing contacts  :o

Ah, but World probably never saw Mr. B's glasses, that old time photo has been off the site for ages... and I don't know why. It would make me chuckle each time I saw it!

ZS, you are absolutely right... glasses look very silly on sheep.  We can eat all the grass we need to, without any mechanical help, thank you.

Who said a sheep can't wear glasses?  ???

AHHHRG!
I look downright silly!

haha
i sheep sheep have a tendency to wear contacts.

ok so day 13.
gona be hard, we are eating out tinight and a family who has a girl thats my age. i tried getting out but my parents wont let me. gona be a big nissyom, but thats this weeks parsha! the nisayon parsha, i am going to pass just like avraham passed his nissayon