Schmutz is the stinkiest weather of all! No matter how much I ever believe I need it, using it always makes me more miserable than anything else I can think of.

i just had a fall. i lost control. it was so hard to say no, i lost myself. i feel bad. i cant be depressed. but i was doing so well. i had a fall on the 35th day. i didnt even beat my previous streak. i was so excited about how well i was doing. i have to work on my attitude though. i cant be sad. i was given a gift.
i have to tell my rebbe now. but im nervous about that also. any comments about anything from anyone?

who owns the tv?

well the TV is not the thing that caused me to fall. i got onto a place on my computer that wasnt p*** but it had stories. i obviosly have to add it to my filter, me and the gabai have been trying to work on that.
but the TV belongs to my parents, if it was up to me i would smash it to tiny tiny peices.
i just sent my rebbi and email:
Hi Rebbi,
I have to keep my promise and tell the Rav that i did shichvas zera levatalah earlier today after 35 days of being clean. im trying to look into myself and see what caused me to loose control of myself. I know that the yatzer loves depression to the extent that i have seen that depression following the cheit is worse that the cheit itself, so im trying to keep myself happy. hopefully after having to tell you that i just had a fall, it will strengthen me to keep control in the future. Also, does the rav have anything to say, or any chizzuk, or any eitzos about this that can help me?
Thank you very much
********

and the answer:
The ikur is to use the charata (regret feelings) to motovate you to enhance your avodas Hashem both in sur mera and ase tov ie more shmiras einayim and more limud hatorah. This way it won't be totally livatala because it served a purpose.

HashemsSoldier wrote on 14 Nov 2010 22:12:


If you choose the derech of the 12 steps that I am familiar with, then you will not beat your previous streak next time, either - Hashem will, for you. You'll never be the winner....but you'll be sober, be"H.

That's my comment.

HashemsSoldier wrote on 14 Nov 2010 22:12:

Hmmnn. What if the question were, "oy, after 35 days I stuck the fleishige spoon into the milchige pot, and now I HAVE TO TELL MY REBBE! HOW CAN I FACE THIS!" You see, you'd automatically understand that G-d in His infinite wisdom made milk and meat, and made mitzvos of kashrus that folks will mess up sometimes. Telling the Rebbe about that probably isn't so big. So why is a mistake with a spoon not so tough to talk about but with a is another story? It's just another mitzvah to talk about.

Now I realize that women with mikveh sheilehs do get embarrassed. But I thought that was because the Rebbe is a man, not because se*ual mitzvos are so so different. If they talked to the Rebbetzin would it be so hard?

I guess all I'm saying is, any chance you can just treat it like a treifed up piece of bossur instead of a treifed up piece of bossur?

you both are right and i had the wrong attitude,
bruit. you are right, after the fact (cus i already told him) i completly see your point.

dov. the only problem is that it is the 12 steps that YOU are familiar with. after going through the attitude handbook now i understand what the 12 step are doing. they retrain you. i think its time that i go through the 12 steps. does anyone agree with me?
now, i cant go to any programs because im a teen and cant afford any. and i have school for 10 or 11 hours a day. 7 30 AM till 8 or 8 30 (depending on the day) so how should i go about with this?
also i am in the middle of making a scheduale of my day to keep me busy. whenever i have free time, it will b"h be invloved in kedusha.
on thursday nights i will exercise for 30 min (they say exersise takes away a little bit of se*ual energy.
i think i overed everything

Meetings are free. Sponsors are free. G-d is free. Acting out is very expensive. Hatzlocha weighing what to do. In any case, whatever progress you have made should not be ignored. You are probably more open than ever now. Use that and build on it. If you want to work the 12 steps, then do not try to work them alone - get help and work them with a helper who uses them in his life. Ask Hashem to lead you on the right path every time you daven and bentch and talk to Hashem often. Look for ways to be more normal, more useful, and more part of the society in which you live, be it shul, family, yeshiva, kosher friends, whatever.

Hatzlocha, and remember that you have many friends, and a G-d is in the world that will not ever abandon you.

hi HS,
you got some great advice from the pros here and you have a great mind of your own. you made real progress and you should not underestimate that. remember also that this problem will usually not 'go away' entirely and especially not after the first try, it takes some good old fashioned hard work to get the right formula. it is very normal to have some stops and starts.
so keep building on what you have. keep working on finding the right thing for you.
hatzlocha in everything
zs

HS: I owe a big big apology here. I hadn't kept track of your life story, and just saw the reminder that you're still a school kid. My feelings are way different, and here's why.

The guys here who've got a few scars on our hearts have learned something from every wound. That gives us lots of tools: some compassion, some perspective, some forgiveness, whatever. We're not "totally powerless" simply because each nisayon from Hashem gives us netzach (victory) and a Ness (banner) to take with us to the next challenge.

A younger guy like you might need to take some different curves in the road, because those life challenges haven't hit you. And on top of which, as hardly needs saying, there's still a hormonal rush and a lack of outlet to provide more challenge than comfort.

So, I apologize because I now see that every victory of yours is worth ten of mine. You're fighting backwards with both hands tied behind your back. And you're winning. And your victories might give you dozens more banners of heavenly victories to carry with you into the next chapter of life.

Keep goin', man, you're doin' great.

Hi hs.

just showing up to offer support.
Falling is not fun.
Maybe it's time for a new thread?
How about "The life of a Soldier"
sure to be a winner!

ding ding ding. world i like that! its very catchy.

I like it too. 


But I don't think you have to start a new thread every Monday & Thursday. Why don't you just change the name of THIS thread?

oops. i just made the new thread YH