Hello, my name is Shmu and I am addicted to lust.

Today I reached 90 days, Baruch Hashem Yisborach Shemo!!!!!

But quite frankly, I am more proud of the fact that Yesterday and today I called into the one of the calls, something that I had been putting off for a while.

I was awestruck at the scene.  There were 18 men, many clearly talmidei chachamim, all joining in together for the simple purpose of "restoring their lives to sanity", by getting closer to Hashem, by overcoming this addiction.  I don't fully understand the 12 steps, but I am starting to see how they really work to get us sober of this ruach shtus.

I have been with GYE for over a year.  I reached 120 days last year around this same time.  But in a strange way, if I did not fall ( and fall hard) I would possibly never have gotten to this point where I actually am begining to participate in the forum. And I"YH I will join in on the conversation on the calls.  I need to be a participant not a voyeur. An active member of a wonderful fellowship.  We need to live - not watch others live.

I have been a voyeur all of my life.  I have been afraid to participate.  Perhaps felt that I was not good enough.  So I watched.  Isn't that what we are doing when we watch/stare/look at a woman whether it is on the internet or the car next to us or on the street.  Are we not trying to get some sort of outside stimulation to make us feel something that may be lacking in our own lives?

I am greatful to the Ribono Shel Olam that he has led me to this wonderful place, and I am looking forward to this journey where I will get to know myself and Hashem better.

Gmar Chasima Tova to all.

Shmu wrote on 16 Sep 2010 23:55:


I love this. Thank-you, chaver. Alei vhatzlach.

Wow Shmu. I could have written every single word you wrote. I have the same fear of participation, and it is getting in my life's way. Keep up the amazing work! I hope to get to 90 again some day (I got to 7 months once, before slowly spiraling backwards), but I'm trying to follow Dov's advice and keep my mind solely in the present moment. I believe I've had almost 5 clean weeks now, and it's quite shocking when I look back on it.

keep up the good work, Ano Nymous

Lately, I get nervous when it seems "so easy.", ie. you don't feel tempted you think you've got it all under control,... at that moment I will stop and say, "Hashem, you know I am in this for the long haul, please don't let me get complacent, and certainly don't let the yetzer sneak up on me, You know I can not do this without You, Hashem."

Shmu!!!

Mazal tov!!

Let's drink a lchaim


And tantz a rikkud



Ok

Now ....

Keep on trucking!


Bardichev

Thank you Shmu and friends for sharing these ground level truths....
and thank you Bardichev for the lechaim!

Dear Shmu,

You should continue to be matzliach and give us much nachas!

Keep up the good work.

Keep on posting.
It gives us all chizuk.

Keep on trucking

And keep on posting

Mazel Tov Shmu!! I knew you could do it.

Shmu wrote on 19 Sep 2010 08:58:


Hate to break it to you - but that nervousness is the Yetzer Hara again - sneaky guy, he is. One day at a time, one day at a time. Who can't make it through 1 day? Are you nervous about today? Plus - HKB"H is on your side and helping you the whole way. Does He want you to succeed - you bet. If He helps you succeed do you think you can do it? Of course!! He wants you to succeed and He'll do everything to get you there. Just be willing to go along for the ride, one day at a time.

We're all rooting for you!

Mazel tov on 90 days and just keep working at it.

Mazal tov on 90 days, and another mazal tov on your true internal growth!

Do we need an 'excuse' what to wish Mazel Tov for?

May all your Mazel only be Tov, tov, tov!!!!

Thank you so much for the well wishes!!!  I had a really bad day today, work, kids, wife.... it seemed that nothing that "I" wanted went the way "I" wanted it to go.  Instead of feeling sorry for myself, or Chas V'Shalom, letting the bad thoughts banging on my head in,  I logged on to the guardyoureyes music section (who knew) and took in some uplifting Chasidishe music.

So, I had a bad day.  I will just, as bard says, "Keep on Trucking"

In fact, I am gonna "Put the Hammer Down", "what's your 20"

Hm. Sounds to me like you had a really good day - you grew, you did the right thing even when it wasn't easy or fun - now that's something to really be proud of!

I agree with sb.

Sounds like you had a CHALLENGING BUT GEVALDDDDIGGGGG DAY.  keep it up.

(The gevaldddihhggg part.)