There was a story about a guy who went around the world in 80 days.
I have almost completed a trip around my own internal world in the last 80 days.

Thanks to Hashem for - well, Everything. For getting me here in the first place; If I was asked how a found this site, I could not tell you. For giving me the strength to fight and for doing some of the fighting for me. The gates of tears are definitely open.

Thanks to everyone here, especially Guard, I have come to understand the nature of addiction and now have the tools to fight it.

And last, thanks to “the enemy”, for pointing out that I have a problem, for making me realise that my behaviour is wrong, which really hurt, causing me to correct myself.

ToAdd.

I hope you are enjoying your trip.

Let us know how it's going!

Looking for some comfort…

Approaching day 90, the imagination really kicks in.
I find myself fantasizing, and not doing anything to stop it.

On Shabbos, day 90, I fall asleep with a strong fantasy in my mind and this takes me straight into a dream.
In the dream I get to a computer that has a video on it and I am out of control. I fall.

I know that this doesn’t 100% count as a fall, but I did make it happen.
I know it was not a proper fall because I don’t feel like repeating it.
But still, it hurts.

Bards, I need to hop on your truck and ride out to where the sun is shining.

My God, heal me and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved.
I messed up, I’m sorry.