Tradition 3 of AA States "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking". SA goes further and states "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober."
In the topic I left out sexually sober, as I have lust for money and food as well sexual lust. I have learned from my bitter experience that unless I am willing to put down all addictive processes, I will not achieve any long lasting sobriety. Further the fears of financial insecurity cause me to want to lust to medicate my feelings of fear and anxieties. Further the more weight I put on the more I will loath myself and my self esteem levels will deteriorate further, which could cause me to act out on. If I overspend or do not have clarity with my finances I will also increase my anxieties which could lead me to acting out.
As a young teenager I learned to medicate uncomfortable feelings, feelings of fear and anxiety with masturbating and binge eating. However, this coping mechanism turned into an addiction that took on a life of its own. When I first started to act out sexually I got a tremendous hit and it provided temporary relief for me, however the hit started to loose its effect and the intensity had to increase, this is evident from my story. Today in recovery I have to reverse this process, and when I get the feelings of anxieties I have to learn that the feelings will not kill me and sit through them, make a call to someone, and try and work out what is causing the anxieties.
I have started this journal to write about my progress (or otherwise) on working on becoming sober in all three areas, as they are so inextricably linked. I will also use this journal to write about my story.
Today; BH I am sexually sober, although I could have averted my eyes whilst driving. Today I also have the desire to stop lusting and to become sober. I need to make more progress with my food as there are underlying anxieties going on that I am binge eating on.
