So, now that we've reached bein hazmanim again, I have access to this forum once more. I'm taking the opportunity to start a 90-day journey.

[Before I start rambling, can anyone help me? I lost the conformation email to sign up for the tracker, and I can't use the official planner. Is there any way to re-send that email? Thanks in advance.]

This journey is important for me for the following reason: I'm starting to think that my personal twin problems are not as connected as I thought. (Excuse me if I'm being round-about.) One causes the other, to be sure, but not vice versa. (Very round-about.) In which case, it's perhaps closer to an addiction than a strong curiosity than I realised.
So I want to prove to myself that I am my own master, that my "self" is untainted and can become like the big Self... that I want to be what the grand "I" wants me to be because that's my real "self"... that's as close as we can come in this world to the real "I," the Self who is the source of all selfs...
6 days so far. When I can use the tracker I will. I may also post here more.

Shalom lachem achai v're'ai.

I hope your name is sort of like Kosher for Pesach supervision, "And the whole year, too!"

Welcome to the forum.

I think it's a good idea to be clear and direct when discussing your problem.  The help you get will be more specific, and you'll recover a lot faster.

We're all basically all in the same boat.  M**.  P**.  I don't think you have to feel ashamed because you've got a different explanation for it than someone else.  We've all philosophised ad-infinitum about our problem.  And, it got us to where we are.

I wish you the best of luck,

  --Eye.

The name is simply because that used to be the only time I had internet access - and hence the only time I was on this forum. That's no longer true.

Thank you for your thoughts. You may well be right, that it's better to be direct. That doesn't mean I can manage it. In fact, when you say "we're all basically all in the same boat" my main reaction is that in that case, I don't need to say it.

I don't speak about this to people I know; that's shame, yes. But that which I don't write it even here is simply because I don't like to. I'm no longer at the stage when I can't admit my problem to myself (at least, I think I'm not). I know I have a problem. I just don't like making it explicit.

Thanks.

But here it's safe to talk about our problems, and it's part of healing to get these things out of our head.

If you must, it's still better to talk round-about than not at all.

Looking forward to more of your posts.

--Eye.

Yeah, bain. It is very therapeutic to not have to beat around the bush with us. Trust me.

Also, we all may have the same problem, but we're not all holding in the same place of recovery.

THIS is what people can tell from HOW YOU describe your problem.

And, this give people, people who are further along in recovery, the clues to guide you along YOUR RECOVERY.