one giant leap.....

i am ready to start this 90 day period.
today is my first day that i am formally clean.

i pray to g-d that this goes well...

it is so amazing that this site exists!!! i just love the fact that i have a real (albeit virtual) support group of people with יראת שמים!

daven for me people...!
this is going to be a looooong ride.

thanks.
M

We're davening for you - you should daven for us!

A long ride, yes...but a fun one, too!

this shabbos was just so much better knowing i'm on the path to purity!

but now, it's really late here in israel and i'm sitting with a laptop and surfing the net. always a big mistake...
usually at this point i would just end up doing something i'd regret... but now, i have this site for support. so i am here, and that alone gives me strength to pick myself up and just go to bed for a brand new day.

time to update - made it through another day!

thanks,
M

so far it's been going rather well...
but that has already happened before, and then i would fail again... so i can't be too confident.

my main focus is on my relationship with my wife, which feels so much more pure, real and genuine than ever. i wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night with a lighter heart.
it's just awesome.

be strong everyone!
M

but i'm still here.

must be strong.

another day, then another and then another.
one at a time.

sometimes i just want to scream.
find a nice quite place and scream.
fill it with all my might and fury.
shout until i loose my voice.
until all that is heard is the silent cry of my soul:
return to your youth, the days of before, pure and magical.
return to eden, return to god.

always strong,
M

back to day no. 1!

i need a plan that will help me continue for a longer period than a week...

ideas anyone?

My idea is find a program and stick with it. Find one that works for other people.

One day at a time is important, for lots of reasons - largely (for me), because my yetzer hora (speaking in my voice, of course) likes to tell me, "you're giving this up forever?" So that i have to face the combined challenges of the next 10 years, right in this second.

So I need to remind myself that my job is to face the challenges of today.

On a practical level, what did you learn from your fall? What will you do differently next time to prevent the same thing from happening?

silentbattle wrote on 06 Jun 2010 06:12:


the fist thing i learned is that being part of this wonderful community doesn't automatically mean that i'm immuned to the yetzer. the battle still continues despite all the chizuk in the world.

next time i will be more suspicous of my yetzer creaping up on me like that!!!

another major major issue os TV. i watch waaaay too much of it, and it drags me down right away.
i used to decide not to watch for a whole month, but it never lasted. so this time i'm gonna do it a week at a time.
this coming week - no TV. after that we'll see.

yesterday i realized to my horor, that my married life is turning into the same cycle of win - fail that i had when i was single. this is not what i wanted for myself when i imagined marrige. i never thought i would be unfaithful to my wife....!
this was a very disturbing thought.

thanks for your support guys!

M

Yep...not a fun realization.

And yes - at the end of the day, inspiration can only serve to encourage us, we still need to make the changes.

I think it's key to figure out what we can do differently. If oyu feel it's TV, and that's what led you to fall, then definitely, working on that would be a good thing.

Great work!

re TV: please remember to build yourself a SUBSTITUTE for how you spent that time. In advance of unplugging the tube.

Something enjoyable, kosher, relaxing, etc.

If you take your 'fun' away and don't find a 'fun' substitute, I absolutely FEAR for you that some kind of evil alternative is gonna show up at your doorstep and try to "squat" in the empty space the TV left behind.

For me, it's currently comedy shows on radio. Could be kosher music. Torah tapes. Treadmill. Something.

But nature abhors a vacuum, yet the Y'H adores it as an opening.

Just a thought.

i agree...
it's just hard to stop at once and refrain completly from watching...

thanx.
i need to find something.
M