Hi all - thanks for this excellent support group. I joined 28 days ago and I've been stayed clean for those 28 days. In the past I've had long streaks even without the 90 chart system (excellent system BTW) but there has inevitably been something to trip me up. I know there's going to be some big Nisayon and I'm scared that it will discourage me. If I've come so far why do I need a Nisayon to mess everything up? I know it's to challenge me an to ultimately make me shine in my Avoda, but I'm scared... The RBSH"O is going to challenge me with something big - He has to, right? I'll have the Kochos to overcome it, but I've fallen before and who's to say I won't fall again?

As an aside, I don't think I've ever been Shomer Anayim, beyond the computer, as well as I've been these past 28 days. For some reason I understood a "slip" to be even taking a 2nd look at Pritzus I see in the street (the 1st look I know is B'Oness and I look away once I realize what's happening..) and I've successfully avoiding the 2nd look for the past 28 days. Maybe that policy will pull me through the big Nisayon when it comes - who knows. But I'm still scared..

I'd appreciate your feedback if any of you have felt these feelings and what it was that helped you through and keep on truckin strong.

Thanks, morshax

First of all, welcome, and congratulations! 4 weeks clean is truly incredible, although it sounds like you have very high standards. I don't think that a second glance in the street is necessarily a fall, but if you can avoid it, that's awesome!

Plannign ahead, and figuring things out is a good thing - but I think that in large part, worries like yours are a tool of the yetzer hora. How so, you ask?

When we start thinking ahead, worrying about what's going to happen, being certain that there's a big nisayon coming up, getting stressed about it, etc...wondering "how long can I stay clean?" All those thoughts are stessful, and make it MORE difficult to stay clean.

That's part of where "one day at a time" comes into play, helps us relax and stay clean.

On a practical level, though, when you talk about nisyonos coming up, how does it usually happen?

Thanks for the comments SB! I shoulda known it was my YH talking...
silentbattle wrote on 25 May 2010 15:48:

It's often just an itchy feeling - possibly triggered by tiredness. Of course that then leads to other triggers like seeing something in the street or a picture online that got through the filter and the Mirsas of the Monitor.

BTW, a word on monitors. I use covenant eyes and I wish there was a way to deny my access to the activity reports. I used to scan the reports to see what got reported and what didn't and I would work around them. I used to use eblaster and this was a big problem because eblaster does NOT track applications that don't run through a browser - like iTunes, Tweetdeck, some Video on news sites.

morshax wrote on 25 May 2010 14:05:


Wow. sounds like you're doing great. (altho I'm always surprised to see folks victorious for long stretches and having a first post. For me, the posting process is incredibly therapeutic.)

So you asked for eitzas. I don't know you; I can only speak from my own viewpoint.

1. Posting is a helpful adjunct (see above).

2. Recognizing that just BEING here and DOING this work puts us at the top of the heap of frum Jewry, which is to say the top of the world. This is not only a big thing in its own right, but it also means the Y'H is furiously trying to mess us up because our victory would mean such defeat for 'him.' Hashem gave him a strong arsenal, but He also gave US some amazing hidden strength to win. IF WE WEREN'T GIBBORIM, WE WOULDN'T BE HERE. AND THE Y'H WOULDN'T BE PULLING OUT ALL THE BIG GUNS. So, I'd suggest taking a minute or two, 3-4 times per day, to celebrate your big role in helping Hashem heal this broken world.

3. Remembering [if this kind of argument speaks to your particular flavor of frumkeit], that there IS a deadline for getting this work done. Moshiach could be here any minute, and with him is the retirement of the Y'H. After that, there's no more mitzva opportunity for avoiding a 'lav,' because NO ONE will be tempted to sin. Basically, our scoreboard in the 'negative commandment' area is frozen. Where do you want your score to be frozen? And when do you think he's coming?

Briut wrote on 25 May 2010 16:29:


Your words reminded me of an amazing Nesivos Shalom I saw over Shavuos on Naaseh VNishma. In short, he says that when we're pitted against the Yetzer Hara - EVEN IF WE LOSE - we should appreciate the fact that we have the privilege to fight in the Milchemes Hashem.

When I told this over to people I added on that we should also appreciate the fact that Hashem saw in us the power to beat the Y"H, that we were soldiers worthy of the battle - even if we lost. My friend responded to me with this great Mashal - even if you lose the World series, celebrate the fact that you made it to the World Series to begin with!

morshax wrote on 25 May 2010 16:59:


Beautiful! Thanks. And even though I'm not a big soccer fan [oh, wait, World Series, er, that's Baseball, right? ], I see your point. We're all waging a world class battle. Let's win.

morshax wrote on 25 May 2010 16:59:


BTW, Nesivos Shalom is on page 348 in 2nd Chelek on Moadim.

Briut wrote on 25 May 2010 16:29:


Briut - that is incredible! It gives a whole 'nother layer of depth to "one day at a time." In fact, I'm gonna steal this from you and post it on my thread, with more thoughts on it! Beautiful!

Morshax - I don't know much about covenenant eyes, but in general, filters and the like are not meant to be a 100% protection. The way I see it, they're a fence, so that you have a little breathing room to get healthy. As I'm sure you already know, the fence alone isn't the real work - the real work involves difficult change and growth - but SO worth it!

silentbattle wrote on 25 May 2010 21:25:


SB: Sorry, but you can't steal it. What I mean is, it's freely gifted to the public domain. Or at least to anybody registered and posting. So, you can't steal what's already yours. Nyaaahhhhh.

Back to work, boys.

:-\ :-[ :'(

BH I reached day 30 without incident! Thank you for all your support.

I want to share another few thoughts from Nesivos Shalom (my take on it, at least) I saw this morning on this week's Parsha - Beha'aloscha (pg 54):

The Cheit of the Misaavim is described in the Torah as "Hisaavu Taavah" - they desired a desire. How do you desire a desire? NS quotes the Ohr Hachaim HaKadosh that if a Yid does something wrong because he was pulled in by the pleasure of the Aveira, there's a Tzad Oness there - it wasn't completely intentional. The real problem is when a Yid pulls the Yetzer Hara in himself, intentionally - "Megareh Y"H A'Nafshei" - that's the worst. The Misaavim desired a desire - they wanted to have their Y"H back. The source of physical Taava is physical food, but the Mann was the food of Malachim - Lechem Abirim - and they had lost their physical Taavos. R"L the Misaavim wanted their Taava back.

But why is there such an Onesh for a "Kadesh Atzmicha B'Muttar" lach Inyan? It's technically Muttar to want a Taava? What Lav are you being Over on? The answer is that it's true, there's no Lav - but it's the beginning of the end. To pursue physical pleasure for physical pleasure's sake is the 1st step away from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Torah explains the Onesh of the Misaavim -  it was "Yaan Asher Maastem Bi" - because you showed disgust in Me. The Me is Hashem - referring to the element of Shechina within every Yid - "Chelek Elokim Mimaal." By pursuing pleasure for pleasure's sake you turned your back on the Shechina within you. Keep the goal in mind - we have the Shechina within us - he wants us to have pleasure but the greatest pleasure is if that pleasure is directly for one purpose "Laasos Nachas Ruach" , that Kavachol should be pleased with us and thereby we'll come close to Him.

Moshe said there's no way he could possibly fulfill the request of the Misaavim because they're after pleasure for pleasure's sake. When that's the goal there's no end to it. If you go down that road you'll never be satisfied. Keep your eye on the element of Shechina within you and your Tatteh in Himmel. He wants only the best for us, he wants us only to have eternal Happiness and He shows us how. Seek out the pleasure that make Him happy and that will be the true pleasure.

That's our Mann - Laasos Nachas Ruach to come close to Him. Pursue that with all your might, with every method you can dream up (& GUE is one of the best!), and you'll have no other desire than to find more and more ways to be close with our Tatteh, Avinu Shebashamayim.

There's so much to learn from this piece. Please see it inside the Nesivos Shalom for Beha'aloshcha, pg 54-56.

This is SOOOOO profound!!!

It is gevaldigggg!!!

Hey Morshax,

You are doing great. I agree with you, I have been much better b/c of GUE than any other "streak" then I've had before.

Keep it going...we're all rooting for you and for me, I look up to you as you are at 30 already! That's incredible! Keep going...one day at a time!

Y

Interesting...in other words, when we focus on the pleasure and lust purely for it's own sake, rather than in it's proper context, that could be where the problem comes in...

Glad to hear about your 30 days! I hope you made some kind of celebration for it - even if it's just getting yourself an extra piece of cake (or a beer, or whatever). Remind yourself that this IS cause for celebration.

silent...you wrote: I hope you made some kind of celebration for it - even if it's just getting yourself an extra piece of cake (or a beer, or whatever). Remind yourself that this IS cause for celebration.

I'm just wondering...is the extra cake or reward something written in the materials? Is this something we should do?

Ignore, if this is a stupid question.

Thanks!

Y