BARUCH HASHEM I FOUND THIS FORUM!!!!!!

I SURVIVED THE HARDEST CHLLENEGE EVER LAST NIGHT!!!

THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH, I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR HELPING ME THROUGH THE MOSST HARD TIME YESTERDAY,

BH i am through, although i still feel the pain, it is not as bad as yesterday (although i am aware that the yeserhara has a habit on creeping up when you feel safe!)

alot of things helped me yesterday...especially your comments, knowing i had people who understood and gave such great dvice pushed me further to ...14 whole days!!!

i called up my Rabbi in the depths yesterday (he is only 25 so i can relate to him well) he said that the yeser hara is like a dog, the more its fed the stronger it becomes, and wants greater food, however when you stop feeding it at first it goes mentalm wanting food so turns fightin harder than ever, however, it soon loses energyand with that it gets weaker, although at pounts it will fight for more food, the longer it is starved the weaker it will get!

jamie, you are my hero!
There are and will continue to be the hard days every so often, but as you go longer hopefully they will be less often, and also you will have the strength from the fact you have gone so far already.

We are all really with you, and no one knows your pain and hardship better. Your staying strong is an inspiration and help to others.

Good luck with the studying....

CongraTulations on surviving the 'hardest challenge ever.'
(and... CongraDulations on your upcoming diploma.

Hope things go from strength to strength.

i cant believe that today is day 16, im so happy, BH!

i was just wondering if there is any advice when i am revising baring things like the nazi rise to power how to stop my mind and hands wandering to "more prohibited things"?

thanks...

wow! 16 days! congatulations!

jamie wrote on 02 Jun 2010 09:31:

I think you're saying that you're tired of conjuring up images of Nazis and other ugly stuff in order to get grossed up enough to lose interest in acting out.

My reply (a question for a question, of course; I'm Jewish) is: are you looking for more effective images to gross you out, or are you looking for a way to tap into something other than the gross-out factor?

If you're just looking for grosser images, there's a whole corner of this site that has lots of them. Maybe they'll scare you, gross you out, distract you, whatever.

For me, it's not about distraction. It's about having a strong enough fix on the POSITIVE GOALS I'm trying for that acting out simply loses its appeal by comparison. When Yosef ran from Aishes Potiphar, it wasn't that he didn't want to. (Midrash gives very graphic nearly-p*rn'graphic details.) It wasn't that he needed to think about harsh slavery in our future or whatever. No -- it was that he saw the face of his father and realized he had to get out of there. His choice was to be/remain a SHEVET.

Chochomim say the "father" was Yaakov Avinu. I sometimes wonder if it wasn't also some divine revelation of Avinu (shebashmayim). But in any case, it was the ability to meditate on the POSITIVE STUFF WE CHOOSE TO CHASE, rather than the punishing negative of what might keep us away.

I know this is a 'madreiga' that none of us has fully reached. And maybe a shmutzy picture can entrance us more than a kapitel tehillim so it's a tricky madreiga. But if you're asking for how to find a more graphic poster of a Nazi, I gotta confess you're asking the wrong guy.

If you're asking for a picture of the heavenly angelic gevaldig meaningful choice that you personally are going for... well, you've got that picture more clearly than anyone.

Did I get the question? Does that help?

I hope it helps Jamie, but i will tell you something Briut that was really interesting! that is something i certainly will keep in mind, I think Jamie will too, Jamie?

Hi Jaime,

Just stopping by to say hello. Glad you're doing well. Chazak ve'amatz brother!

yicheal! missed you bro!

i can belve that i am 1 day away from chai, i just hope i make it...

the ;ast few days has been harder thamn ever (since i started aking for help)

i have been teasing myself by being lax in shmiras enayim and get really board whilst revising so things pop in my head and i dont get them out right away, im feeling very close to fsalling but BH the fences ive put around so far, including my record whhich i DONT want to break have stopped me, but i amtrying to stay in but feel myself getting weaker, i keep on switching what i revise and havent learnt much torah properly for a long time, and stopped my gemmora lessons beracuse of exams, so pherhaps if i survive the next 25 days untill after exams i can keep myself busy the whole time, but i need the help!

briut your answer was very helpful and informative, your a very clever guy!!!

thanks

tanyou so much to everyone else for making me feel so comforted and supported but i just wish i wont break it, i had a dream last night that i did, and rember the feeling of horrendous giult and horror afte that i fell, i really do not want oit but feel myself comming close, ive never been this long by myself (besides from when i took camp in summer but had people constantly surroinding me and was never alone)

i know im not alone in essence but on the computer here at home bymyself with time and freedom, im feeling very weak and close to falling, please daven for me and offer help!!

jamie wrote on 03 Jun 2010 10:34:

OK, Jamie, a couple of quick "postscripts" if I could.
1) Glad to hear you're still on track. Keep going.
2) You say you're finding my comments helpful. I KNOW I'm not saying anything that's really new information to any of us (see intro Yesilas Yesharim), but it's always cool when Hashem sends a good message, at a good time, through any kind of messenger. Even so, my ego really appreciates the boost these days 'cause this work can really beat up my ego sometimes. So, thanks right back at ya.
3) The concept about Hashem sending the right message at the right time brings me to a comment that might be REALLY IMPORTANT. LISTEN UP.

-- Personally, I don't get as much chizuk from a nightmare that Hashem might send to "wake me up." Instead, I get much more inspiration from finding those little messages in everyday life that prove Hashem is really watching me, part of "my" team, doing me a little (?) chessed every now and again.

So I find it REALLY useful to see, or at least to fantasize, Yad Hashem in my everyday life. HE! got the phone to ring with client work, just when I was feeling broke and useless. HE! had the rain stop just before The Game started. HE! had my favorite vegetable on 1/2-price sale this week. Okay, those are bad examples but I'm just trying to say that even the most "trivial" stuff can have His name written all over it, when I'm really paying attention.

And once I see that He's there, that He cares, that He's involved -- well, how am I gonna start [warning - I'm getting graphic here] bringing some porn star onto my stage or grabbing some parts of me that He intended for something else?  The awesomeness of looking for Him in the field AND FINDING HIM is a way bigger motivator than, than, than... anything.

What's the title of this post? "Look for Hashem where He may be found."

4) Keep going. You're doing great.

jamie i gave u that pimms balloon why dony u  use it??

b

IF I HOLD ON TIGHT IT WILL TAKE FAR AWAY FROM ALLL THE GASHMIUS IM FEELING!

strugglng more than ever today... feel so close to breaking it like my desires are overpowering the desire to even stay clean untill shabbos, like i dont care...

revsiing biology which is not helping but i need to for the exam on tue... harder than ever, i know ive come so far but the tiny pny thread holding me on seems like it keeps on breaking even smaller...

i even now the logic that the pleasure will defiantly not out wiegh the awful black mark against my soal and the depression whihc will follow...

i just cant think staight...need help... parents also both going out in about 30 mins!

I can chat for 20 minutes I don't want to start procrastinating and so i want to begin work at 9:00 my time i have 20 minutes lets chat!

jamie wrote on 04 Jun 2010 12:39:


For G-d's sake, friend: take five, breathe a bit.....and make some calls to other guys like you for a reality check now!

Hmmmmmm, there....I feel better now.

I do not believe you need any inspiration. I believe you need to keep your feet on the ground and face the music, that's all. Things are not that bad for you. Doing G-d's Will in your case clearly means: Study for the freaking exam hard....or (if you are anything like me) you will have to act out with lust to (pretend an) escape. Your 'mitzvos' (=obligations/opportunities) are clear, your friends are here, your G-d is with you, and you have a bunch of sobriety days behind you (without dropping dead or your bum falling off, so far.....). How much luckier can a man be? And you, in particular.

Hatzlocha.

Peace.

Hi there Jamie,

I haven't posted on this thread yet, but it seems to me like perhaps you share one of my issues, which is that I simply get too easily distracted from what I really need to be doing, and will do anything to procrastinate and not focus on what I know that I really ought to be doing.

As my T-shirt says, "Don't put off for tomorrow what -- never mind, I'll tell you later"  ;D

Of course when my negative side is looking for something to distract me, Mr YH is more than ready to oblige in a thousand ways, all of which seem for them moment more attractive than, say, studying biology.

How to combat this, and stay focused and on track, and avoid the YH, that is the name of the game.  and the short answer is, "it ain't easy".

But I think that the two things that might be most helpful, (besides Bardichever baloons of course) are

1. The approach that Briut outlined, in particular by focusing on the positive aspects of knowing what pleasure it will bring you if you stay on task


2. Using the baseline credo of AA/SA  "One Day at a Time", modified to "Twenty minutes at a time", (or whatever works for you)  promising yourself that you can be stronf and focused for the next X minutes, and then doing it again

I only wish that I would have done more of that when I was your age . . . maybe I might have actually beconme a Talmid Chochom, as well as avoiding a lot of pain.

Best Hatzlacha to you on your struggle, brother -keep up[ the good work!

Good Shabbos

Shmendrick