ToAdd wrote on 23 Jul 2010 06:59:
Hey OneDay
It sounds like you're driving yourself crazy.
I personally don't think you're going to win by focusing on winning.
I'm actually trying just to forget about it and just to live 'normally'. I thought I was doing that but maybe I wasnt...
If I tell you not to think about your favourite song, the one with that catchy tune - Whatever you do, don't think about it, for one minute, no make it two minutes that you mustn’t think about that song, your favourite song, the one with the catchy tune.
I’m guessing you've now got that song stuck in your head. And the longer you think about getting it out your head, the longer it will stay.
It sounds like you’re trying to fight the Yetzer Hara face to face.
I don’t think anyone can win that way.
That's the problem. I can be sitting at the computer fighting for 30 minutes and be successful and then when 'm exiting off I lose. I need to stop trying to fight it and instead just run!
When do you fall more often? When you are busy with something you really enjoy or when you are bored, trying not to do the wrong thing?
Whenever I have nothing to do... I will be going away next week for 3 days, so I can already look forward to that and Shabbos is coming up, so in the next few days I will be pretty busy.
Our bodies, the Yetzer Hara, really enjoys falling.
The trick is to have something else to do that is better than falling.
The problem is that there isn’t any physical pleasure available to us that’s better than falling.
I'm still young and my mind set doesn't tell me that it's something so pleasurable. I never m** (maybe twice ever) without an external source i.e. p***. Once the p*** is gone b'ezras Hashem the problem will be behind me!
Do you play chess or computer games?
This is like a game, but the enemy has a few more men than us and those men are stronger than our men.
So we have to beat him with strategy.
What are his strongest weapons? Pleasure, addiction.
Believe it or not I think right now it is boredom. His weapons are you have nothing better to do and this will past an hour.
First move: weaken his weapons, reduce the pleasure.
Make it uncomfortable for yourself, open the curtains, open the windows.
His big weapon is one site that k9 doesn't block. I have e-mailed the person with my code for it, but he hasn't responded. Once that site is blocked it will be a big blow for him!
Move two: Give yourself some ammo, try the following:
Think of the worst day, the worst moment of your life. Close your eyes, remember that moment, remember the sounds, the sights, the pain.
Focus on it, make the pain worse in your mind, make the image bigger.
Now, if you feel an urge coming on, focus on this memory, focus on how bad it is. Tell yourself that this urge causes pain.
Did you know that you can actually break your organ, you can cause physical damage to yourself if you over-do it?
Sometimes in the middle everything comes crashing down. I start thinking about how my time in jail will be for doing this because it is illegal for me not just spiritually but also regularly. I tell myself how am I supposed to get myself a wife in 10 years or whatever if they are never going to be as good as the ones I see online. This has been getting to me lately and sometimes it really takes a toll on me (in a positive way). The y''h is out of options when I reach this, so hopefully I can reach this more often!
Move Three: Have a plan B.
When the enemy attacks with more powerful forces, flee to save yourself, to regroup.
You don’t actually have to beat him, you just have to survive the attack.
Do you currently have a plan B, something else to do when you feel an urge?
Keep a list of things that needs doing – for you it may be tidying your room, for me it may doing the laundry.
The more rewarding the job the better – think now of something you did in the past that made you happy – was it helping someone else?
When you feel an urge, go to plan B, do something useful.
Teach yourself to speed-read: How fast can you read a page of something, anything? Read it again, forcing yourself to do it faster.
Teach yourself to play chess – play yourself, thinking of every possible move you could make, thinking of better ways to win.
Do push-ups. I’m sure there are hundreds of things you can do that are fun and benefit you.
I plan on just hanging out with my friends more and talking more with them. The less free time equals the less time y''h has to attack. Also when I have an urge, I think I should shut down the computer and not go on for like 15 minutes or such until the urge passes.
You are not alone in this game, I’m here too, on your side.
I want you to post some plan B ideas here – they may help other people too.
And every time you start slipping, I’m behind you, saying “Captain, The Enemy’s taken the bait, It’s time to shift to plan B!”
When I'm falling I sometimes even think about this website and I know that I will have to post if for everyone to see and I will not only be letting myself down, but all my other comrades who are in this fight with me!
ToAdd.
Thank you so much for all your help! It made me come back to the ABC's and b'ezras Hashem I now have the tools to be successful and do what the South failed. I don't need to win the battle I just can't lose!
