Warning: Tirade alert! To be completely ignored by the faint of heart!

"but there wasn't really a test."

OMG.

O!  M!    G!!

What is with you, (sweet) man? Are you out for brownie points with G-d, or yourself?

Test, shmest. When you realize that you will not ever beat this thing, you will finally give up completely and start giving Hashem the full credit for you staying clean. Then the big exciting and romantic fight will be over and your life will slowly return to normal. Peace.

This ends our tirade. You may now return to normal sniffling about how incredibly hard it is to remain clean. Thank you.

I hear ya Dov!
Today, I was happy and when that thought came I was quickly distracted by something else and before you know it, it is Shabbos! I believe this struggle is easier when you happy and not worrying too much about "if I am going to be clean", but believing Hashem will take you where you need to be!
Good Shabbos all!

That exact point has been said on this thread before - the key is to focus on being happy, then you won't even need to fight.
Find what makes you happy

With all due respect to y'all:

Better yet, to gehenom with you and your self-centered struggles - and find what makes you useful.

(I would have rather written something else, but some goodygoody here on GYE got his underwear all in a bunch over it and it was edited, so I wrote gehenom, instead.)

Try in on for a change, man, try it on.

My friends, long time no post. I don't know what it is, but I think I don't want to get rid of this as I use to. I don't know if I'm giving up or what, but after what was I thought a good day falls in a matter of seconds. Tomorrow is a new day and I guess that is all I can do now.

One question. How old are you now?

oneday wrote on 14 Jun 2011 02:47:


I know that feeling exactly, unfortunately I have no expert advise on how to help.
Dov, we need re-inforcements!

Perhaps if I had a name for this phase it would help.
Then, with an understanding smile, I could say "You've reached the ICantDoThisAnyMore phase and that's good. That means the game is ending and you're starting to realise that there is no quick fix. This is where you can start to deal with the actual problem and not just the symptoms of acting out."
You're running out of energy to fight - that's actually a good thing because it's going to make you change the way you deal with it. Change it from a fight into something you live by - it's so much easier when there's no fighting anymore.

Solution A may have worked one day, Solution B another and Solution C on Friday but now you've run out of solutions and you can't see a way out.
That's Addiction.

When you try quit something, but the following day the urge just comes back stronger, that's Addiction.

Perhaps now we can take some serious steps at managing this?
Some people are allergic to nuts and know that if they eat anything that even came into contact with nuts they could die. How do they handle it?

No matter what happens, always remember that we are always here for you and we care.
We are all in the same boat here.

(Oneday please forgive the aside)

Dear ToAdd,

You make a great point, for sure. But as I see it, "addiction" has to have one more ingredient to be what I consider addiction. In other words, for there to be any real hope that a person will be willing to go to any lengths to get better because they see they are really in deep trouble and are sick, there is one more qualifier. And it is missed on GYE many times, because it is taken for granted. 

And that is this:

the problem must be making out lives unmanageable! It must be considered by us as a major problem.

Hashem can't consider it a problem, our rebbi's can't consider it a real problem, the shulchan aruch can't, the police can't - I have to. Otherwise, I will not recover. And actually, otherwise, I do not call it 'an addiction'.

This is a biggie, I think.

PS. Hi!

I am so lost!
I feel so down... usually I would go to p***, but for some reason I said this ain't going to solve my problem. I am going to be 16 and my life is in such a rut. I want to ask a girl out, but I know that I am no where near the point where I can do that. I fell today when I was happy, but now when gloomy I don't even want it. My life is so screwed up.

hahahaha 16 and your life is scewed up hahahahaha

any way i dont know who u are
i just know:
that in case u are a healthy kid from a healthy family, and all your problem is lust and all the problems kids have, and u are in a yeshiva than what i know is:

u are just in the begining my friend, find a way to get atached to the torah dont even come in into this site, just sit and learn and play basket ball

coming in here is not healthy for u. 

u must find pleasure in yeshiva and in basket ball, how? i dont know

this is a horrible place for a young kid like u, hard to believe u are so sick as we are.

unless u come from a house with tv and internet than i dont have nothig what to say.

Dear Oneday -

I have to say that I agree with Laagvokeles completely. And that's a first.

Please entertain the possibility that this may not be the best place for you. It is a generally agreed fact that putting this struggle on your mind - even for the best and most l'shem Shomayim reasons - is still struggling with a dirty, disgusting and smelly enemy. If a smelly homeless guy would fall on you, would you hold hime and wrestle with him to get him down to the ground and beat him real good - or would you just try to push him off of you? Seriously. Which would you do?

Same with the menuval. Lust thoughts are stinky and smelly, covered with spit and excrement. OK, in the heat of the moment you consider them beautiful and the more porn you look at the more we are all fooled that it really is very pretty. But it is not. It is ugly and ruins everything.

So why would you grapple with it so? Why wrestle it to the ground? The Kitzur gives very good advice indeed when it says "run from it like a young dear", and Chaza"l are telling the truth that the main way to be saved from the YH is to run from it "like one who runs from fire". It cannot be 'dealt with', it cannot be struggled with. You need to be humble, smart, and run like hell. (oops)

You need to get your focus on anything else other than fighting and struggling with lust.  Laag is right. What happened to basketball? Where is your chevrah? You are young and you have plenty of fun things to do and explore rather than the seedy and smelly dirty world of porn. It is run by smelly money-grubbers who use sick women to make money, and everyone in the industry is made sicker every day. Daven for them one time and then abandon them to be taken care of by Hashem, who has a good plan for everybody. verachamov al kol ma'asov. It and they are none of your business.

I live without it just fine, I promise you. It does nothing for anyone's marriage, and it destroys everyone's manhood rather than building it. It separates people rather than connecting them. All this because it is a private experience that draws you and me deeper into ourselves and makes everyone else into props rather than real people.

And the more you put it one your mind, the more it will be there.

You know what I am talking about, I believe.

Now go to the beis hamidrash and then to the ball field, do mayseh chessed as much as possible to help people - not to use them to do your selfish mitzvos and get your olam haba (to heck with olam haba - its Hashem's business, not yours), focus on being useful to others and yourself, and get busy with your real friends. Ignore the fake friends on paper and the computer screen and get a real decent life - leave the big lust struggles to the tzaddikim like Laag (and me).

   

Daven to Hashem for hadrocha that he should please lead you on the best path for you. Trust Him and go forth without worry. Get rid of your secrest rather than hold them in by sharing them and getting the weight off your chest - so that you do not need to wrestle with them for one moment too long!

It is the obsessing over the lust and over the struggle against lust that is probably the greatest poison for you! You can do it if you just keep friends and give away your secrets.

Love,

Dov

hi oneday welcome.What maturity on your part to initiate contact with this wonderful site.Kol hakavod lach.What did your parents do right to you.please let me know I want to use it on my kids.

Hey guys!
I hope all you guys are doing well. I decided to take a break from this site like a few of you guys recommended and at first it was fail after fail. This past week has been what I've been waiting for! I have been clean since monday, but I don't really think about that type of stuff. Why, I can't tell you, I'm not sure myself. I find myself being more happy and talking more with my friends and I even find myself 'talking' to Hashem randomly during the day and I review my day at night 'with Hashem'.
HAPPINESS=FREEDOM
Have a Good Shabbos all!

I know its one day at a time, but I have now been clean for 9 straight days! The first few days were really easy as Hashem kept my mind clean and gave me a few easy victories. More recently I have started to get a desire now and then, but I don't try to fight it anymore. I ask Hashem to help me and take away the desire as I now know I CAN'T fight this anymore myself. Its all Hashem and whenever I'm down, I just 'talk' to Hashem. Hopefully I can continue to post success, but whatever Hashem has in store for me I accept and all I can do right now, is be clean for this very moment!