1daat - are you referring to what I wrote?

Dov, I believe he is referring to me, not your post!

After I sadly fell again today, I was trying to internalize all the posts people have made and realized I have been doing my own thing all along and not doing what is necessary to be back on the right path.

Fighting the y'h maybe works in the short term, but the y'h has too many tricks and I have come to terms that I no longer can 'fight' him.

It is not fully a question of being clean, but what my intentions are. Sometimes I would say to myself that I want it, but I can't have it. It just makes everything so much more difficult! I should try harder to avoid those triggers and say 'they aren't for me". None of this walking into the candy store knowing it all isn't kosher, what's the point!

Boruch Hashem my life has been manageable and I have been getting by alright so hopefully I can do what I have seen around here a lot "hit rock bottom while still on top".

B'ezras Hashem I plan on reading through my whole thread again and see what tidbits have helped me and what more I need to do!

I still really feel good about getting through and the 90th day being only around 90 days away and not months!

Thanks again everyone. You really don't know how much all your guys posts mean to me and I am not even sure what I would be of if it weren't for you guys! May Hashem bless you and your families!

Oneday, hit me up on gtalk. I'm usually logged in. Let's shmooze. I can try to take -edited-'s place. Give it a try. I'm always looking for more people to chat with. It helps me as much. maccabee5770@gmail.com

It doesn't hurt.

Well good news is multiple falls in a day are a thing of the past! It must be a few weeks (to my knowledge) of falling multiple times in one day. Bad news is that I am still having that 1 fall!
I need to do a little more brain work to say I want to be clean as Hashem gave me a smart brain and I can get around the filter. Once the will in me is great enough and I take that first step I hope Hashem can help me finish the job and be clean!

That's a good step.
Pick battles that you can win.
Maybe the next step is to try every second day or have a particular day of the week that you guard extra well.

Finally a day clean. Hope Hashem helps me and tomorrow will be just as great! Hopefully more success posts to come!

Another busy clean day. I told myself that I can get something special when I am clean for 14 straight days, so that is also helping me along the way. Hashem is helping me stay clean by staying busy and filling my time with productive stuff and not garbage.

Just strung together another couple clean days after a couple bad days. I think I am beginning to realize I don't want to do this and I have been asking Hashem for help to get me where I need to be!

Sounds like you're making good progress.
It's a good idea asking Hashem to help you not want to do it.

Keep on trucking.

After a couple bad days, I decided that it was time to actually do something if I fall. Until the end of the month (including today; something small) if I have a 'long slip', $2 to tzedakah and $5 for a fall.
So much of me wanted to fall, but the fear of losing only a few bucks stopped me. My thinking is clearly not all there, but it is a process and hopefully Hashem will continue to help me!

oneday wrote on 30 Mar 2011 03:11:


It’s interesting how when it's something tangible, it works better.
Keep it up, you’re doing well!

Thanks for the support toAdd!
I was very busy today, but most important clean! had one little thought, but was quickly distracted by something else!
Hashem please give me the strength to keep going!

Boruch Hashem I had another clean day!

NICEE!!

Its been tough, but here comes Pesach and b'ezras Hashem I too will leave tonight from this horrible shmutz.
Want to wish everyone a Chag Kasher V'Sameiach and may we be celebrating next pesach in Yerushalayim.