Today was easy as I was packing for the Holy Land!
I will be gone for a week and a half!
Hatzlacha to all!

have a safe trip!

say hi to Guard!

(he's the only guy with a spudik over his eyes from Sun-Fri, shouldn't be too hard to find)

Israel was awesome... had a break from all this nonsense. Came back and sunday and monday weren't the best, but picked myself right back up today and I'm ready to go again.
Also not having a filter sunday and monday didn't really help, but now it is back up!

welcome back!

remember: it starts with one...

It sure does and every day is like a new 'one'!
Today, my y'h was trying to get me to fall, but I thought its Chanukah how could I fall!
Hashem took away the y'h from me and it was smooth sailing after that!

great to hear!

keep on trucking

Got any more rooom in that boat of yours, oneday? Wouldnt mind some smooth sailing myself...how does thinking of chanukah push u not to fall? Elaborate? (i need inspiration right now bro )

desperate_teddybear wrote on 03 Dec 2010 06:33:

Of course there is more room!
This video really sums it up. www.aish.com/v/ho/78962817.html (If you don't want to watch all 8 minutes 5-6 is pretty good)
The Chashmonayim stood up and learned Torah and risked their life doing so! If they could have the guts to risk their life, why can't I have the guts and be clean that one night! I would then and go and just stare into the lights from the Chanukiyahs.
You got this. Hashem wouldn't give this to you if you couldn't beat it! 

This also has helped me greatly. I think I got this from jewishsexuality.com, but I don't remember for sure. I find this very powerful and it gives me that extra push when needed most! May Hashem (the one who will help you get out of this mess) help you!

There is a reason why you personally, more then many of your friends have such difficult tests to overcome and constantly face. You are not the normal run of the mill person. Hashem has a lot of good things in store for you. The Zohar explains that before salvation and good tidings, a person might experience some hardship. It might seem impossible to handle what surrounds you on all side but you must always remember the powerful words of the Baal Shem Tov’s father, “Hashem is always with you”. Abraham was a very important man with a bright future and therefore he faced before him tasks so difficult in which few could pass. Issac, Jacob, Moses, David, Job and so many other great people where stuck in situations in which there was little light to see their way out. Hashem will always be there in that light and so will complete salvation. What makes things even more difficult is that sometimes one might see two lights instead of just the one. This second light sometimes glows with gold dust and only ends up being a pit. This path is the easy way out as it heads right towards the gold color but when you pick it up, you realize it was all for nothing and fake. Once we get used to running after gold dust its sometimes very difficult to stop ourselves. Our Sages have said, one mitzvah leads to a second mitzvah and one avayra, sin leads to a second one. Once you fall into sin it becomes easier and easier to fall into it again. Your mind becomes completely programmed to fall into the same trap over and over again. The only way out is to reprogram your mind. Next time, instead of reaching for the gold dust in the most trying, lownly and depressed strait you are in, reach for the jewels! Hashem and the Torah are there for you. You must cling to them with whatever little strength you have left. When Hashem starts lifting you up don’t let go like you are so accustomed of doing. Reprogram yourself to hold on tight to your faith, as you know you need to. Salvation is in Hashem and know one else. Know this in your heart and act upon it. Maybe you are feeling singled out by Hashem to go through such trying situations and the real truth is that you have been singled out. You have been chosen and I don’t just mean to be a Jew with 613 mitzvos. There is something very unique about you personally. Inside you, is a heart of gold and a wanting to do such good things for the world. Your soul is something extra holy and you have so much to give. Therefore, you have been singled out by the Satan more then others. If you want to win, search yourself for your good points. Make a list of these things in your mind or on paper. Don’t give up and don’t ever despair. When faced with the two lights next time, take the more practical one. The one that will shine brightly for eternity. There is where you will find your deceased relatives and everything good. Go for the permanent fix rather then the imaginary temporary one. So what if you can’t? You just don’t have the strength. Then run! Escape in any way you know how to avoid the sin. The best place to run is in the Torah. If you can’t get yourself to learn then leave the room and maybe take a walk outside. It was decreed that you face this situation at this exact moment in this particular place but if you leave it for a few minutes the urge to sin might completely pass. Do the best you can; you have a lot more strength still left inside you then you might think. Look at all the good things you do to serve Hashem and to help others with your time and money.

Still in disbelief.
Hashem really gave me strength today when on any other day it would have been disastrous.
After falling for a few days straight, last night really started changing me and my battle. After taking a rather foolish ~2 week break from gye, I decided yesterday I must return. I told myself, "I'm still alive, if I'm never going to be free Hashem would have killed me by now. Hashem wouldn't need me in the world just to sin. I must be free of this eventually, and I can no longer waste me time falling." This is how I went to sleep last night.

Today I returned. Today, I sat in my bed for a couple minutes and said to myself today IS the day. My day was zooming by rather easily and kept in my head today is the day. Late afternoon someone wanted to ruin that. The y''h tried to lure me, but Boruch Hashem my laziness saved me. An hour or so later, y''h strikes again. This time I asked Hashem to take him away, which Hashem did. Late this night when I thought everything was over, y''h makes one last attempt. This time, I went to my e-mails and read chizuk.

What I learned from today is priceless. I had a really hard day and Hashem helped me overcome it. Also, you MUST have multiple ways to shoo off the y"h as one way may not always work.  I now know 3 possible (being lazy might not be the best, but anything to fight this addiction must not be taken lightly) ways to tell the y''h 'I'm not interested'. I hope that with the help of Hashem today was not a mistake, but the way Hashem is planning to bring me back where I belong.

That's good news OneDay.
When you feel the battle starting up again, remember this victory.
Focus on your strengths, even when it's a good day.

oneday wrote on 21 Dec 2010 04:36:


That's great!!!
Your story is an inspiration to me.
If we really want get clean, Hashem helps us by supernatural ways. It's in Zohar: "Anyone who wants to purify himself gets divine help".
I'm praying for you chaver! 

every time i see your name, Matisyahu's song pops into my head. one day one daaaaaaay one da-a-ay....

That victory that day is still in my head, but I still managed to fall into my old ways today (and the 2  previous  :'( ).
I had a very busy week and had work to catch up on and just didn't really let myself think straight. On the flip side, next week I will have no work so I have the opposite battle of free time.
Anyways, I'm not going to let this get me down. I hope to use this as my battle cry as I was able to prevail on one of the hardest days (full day home alone), but let the less time frame (2 hours at night when I have work) to fall.
I think one of the reasons that I haven't been doing so well is that I think it will be easy when I should really be asking for Hashem for help.
Oh well.
Shabbos is coming up, the 25 hour break that I'm guaranteed every week and I can't wait!

Have a good Shabbos!

oneday wrote on 24 Dec 2010 03:59:


Well, I pass through by the same situation many times. Dont let the Y''H fool you. The Y''H is like a fly that aways will test us. Keep the guard.
I'm here to help you.

shabat shalom!

hey dude, crank up the gear on our sailboat - how's it goin'"