After two clean days, I have had two bad days. Yesterday was really bad with hate to say it but four falls. I cut that in half with two today. Hopefully tomorrow I will have 2 less just like with today and yesterday. The winning taste is still in my mouth and I want more!

Was gone today and got day one back in! I need to finish some stuff before school, so I should have some less free time coming up. Hopefully I can be successful tomorrow, but I did what I needed to today... win today worry about tomorrow, tomorrow!

Well today didn't go as planned. Not too worried though, because if everything went according to MY plan I wouldn't be in this mess. I just need to stop trying to do everything myself, I need to let Hashem back in. I think I've been too caught up in what I NEED to do to stay busy when I really could just ask Hashem for some help when I do that! A double threat is better than a single threat. I by myself cannot win it. Hashem can though. Tomorrow is tomorrow, no real plan as I'm focusing on staying clean this exact moment which I am.
I want to wish everyone a good Shabbos!

Well I lost today on day 2, but possibly set up the winning strategy today! I blocked the last thing that was assisting in my fall and now I go back to school tomorrow and I won't be home as much and will have less free time!
Hatzlacha to all!

Had a really busy day today, so I had no time to fall! Day one is in the books and I did what I needed to today!

hey, im a fellow teen (16 years old) im just wondering:
what is it that caused you to fall over the summer? you mentioned about getting rid of your facebook acount.
what causes you to fall? is it that you keep finding websites that "turn you on"? 
or maybe that on the street its hard?
etc? anything?
also involve yourself in learning torah. and davening. 2 brachos that i have taken to heart in shemonah essray is hashiveinu (return us to your toah)  and refainu (heal us) (i ask hashem to cure us from our addictions)

HashemsSoldier wrote on 31 Aug 2010 03:35:

Thanks for helping me go back to the basics and see where I've come in these two days clean and what I'll need to avoid in the future to continue on the right path!

Another busy day today as school has started and I've gotten myself involved in a sport which takes even more time! I'm pretty excited as I have now finished being clean for 2 days and now I'm going to go tomorrow to finally make it onto the chart after 2 1/2 months of toiling and trying so hard. This is what I've been fighting so hard for and Hashem has answered me. I might fall again in the future bezras Hashem I won't, but Hashem know what is best for me and he will guide me the way I need to go! My current goal is 3 and tomorrow I can and hopefully will achieve it!

oneday wrote on 01 Sep 2010 03:09:

The 3rd letter from each word: Ches, Beis, Vav. They spell the Name of Hashem that is derived from the Roshei Teivos of Chayil Bala v'yaki'einu.

They are also the next-to-last letters in the words v'kabtzeinu yachad mei'arba kanfos.
(Nussach Ashkenaz doesn't have the word bimheira)




There is also a tefilla that is brought down to say before ending Boruch atta Hashem.... :
Y'hi ratzon...... shekol tipa v'tipa sheyatza mimeni, bein b'ones ubein b'rotzon, bein b'shogeg ubein b'meizid, shlo bemokom mitzva, asei lma'an shimcha hagodol hayotzei m'hapassuk Chayil Bala V'yaki'einu shetachzireim l'mokom kedusha, v'hatov b'einecha assei. & then finish the Brocha, Boruch atta Hashem mekabetz nidchei amo yisroel while concentrating on those three letters.

Well today was what I want to call a bump in the road. I fell after being clean for over 75 hours so in essence I was clean for 3 days! I was hoping it would be one and done, but I fell again. My next goal is 100 hours and hopefully I can make it there without stopping again! Little improvements are going to help me win this battle. Going for 90 without any milestones is close to impossible for me. I'm going to break it down and make it easier for me so I can feel successful more often!

Today was good... got day one in!

Rosh Hashana is so close! It has been giving me some extra strength in this battle as I want next year to be well. I want to go into Rosh Hashana on a winning streak and a positive note and tell Hashem I'm here until this war is for the most part over. This past year was not the best and hopefully Hashem was punishing me for what I did on this world, so I still have a shot at Olam Haba. As I finish day two, I want to continue this success. After so much losing I'm just thankful to Hashem that everyday I'm still here and I can get closer to my eventual goal!

After doing so well, on day 3 I fell 4 times!!!! I don't really want to look back and get all mad at myself. I just want to move on. I can still smell the taste of success and I can't wait until I get there again!

Hi and I love the name of your thread!

Might you be pitted against a greater foe than you estimate? One day clean, one day four times, then three days clean, then one day....what is happening here? Is it all about racking the days up? Is it a game? I honestly believe that a game is what many folks make it...and strangely, that method may work just fine for them and I have no critcism for them at all.
But: is it working for you?

All my crying, klopping al cheit and wishing I'd succeed does not make me really serious about this 'battle' - taking it seriously does. And sincerity alone, has never won any battles. I needed real help and to take real measures to start really getting better. Till then, nothing of any real consequence happened. Nothing but ping-pong....and regarding ping-pong:

A string of clean days once in a while is very nice, but this business of counting the days seems to be one of the strongest weapons that tayva/lust addiction/the YH/self-defeating behavior (or whatever you wish to call it) has against you. I believe that the one thing that some of us can do to practically assure that we will fail again and just shlep along till we get really messed up, is to count the days.

I am not posting this to you because it sounds good, nor just because it makes sense to me...but only because I have experienced it myself. Counting seems to be helpful for some people - yet total poison for others.

Like I said, I love the name of your thread. The only change I'd make if it were mine is that I'd add these words to "It starts with one":

"...and it ends with one."

The days we stay clean do not really 'add up'. They are over as soon as it is the next day. I have never seen a pile of days anywhere? Have you? As the sefer Gesher Hachayim tells us (and as Hashem tells us in the Sh'ma when He says, "Hayom" a few times), our time here is made of one thing: now. The past is over and the future hasn't happened to us yet. So there is no such thing as "being clean for two days," at all. It is just a fantasy....and fantasy is apparently not your friend, nor is it mine. It does seem to help other folks, but we need to look at what we are doing and admit if it works, or not.

Whether you see it my way or not, this is all I can share with you, so...

Hatzlocha and ksiva v'chasima Tova!

Thanks for the words Dov. I think that although from your perspective it might look bad to do the day thing it works unless I fall. It helps me hold back from that first fall, but after that it becomes free fall. There have been many times where I just wanted to do it, but this 'game' to get to 90 gave me that extra strength.
For now... I'm going to continue the 'game'. In a few weeks if I STILL am not making much progress I will come up with a new approach. Recently, I have been more successful and hopefully I can continue that!

Today, I had a very bad urge to fall. I felt loss and I couldn't take it and I loss today's battle. I managed to keep myself from repeating so I guess that is good.
I think the problem is, I don't have an emergency plan! I would appreciate if anyone had any ideas!

I want to wish everyone a Gmar Vchatima Tova and that everyone will be written for a good, successful, prosperous, and happy year!