LOL

(Lots Of Love)

Shana Tova!
Amazing how you were able to pull back fromthe brink . Keep inspiring!

Bruce,
almost impossible...,
and you did it.
bsiyatat dshmaya,
youll get through every minute...

kol tuv,
ksiva vchasima tova,

sturggle

So I finally read through that "First Day of the Rest of My Life" thing.

PIZZA!

I might make that my catchphrase....

I forgot to mention the most important part of my RH....

Friday night, the rav where I davened got up and made a long speech that was aimed at getting us "into the mood" of RH.

One thing that he mentioned in particular was how we feel like we are leading double lives as a result of our sins--one life is our public life and the other is our private life that may very well be full of sin.

I normally space out during these kind of talks but he got my full attention with that. So I waited for it, and sure enough....he mentioned pornography.


I have no idea if he has any connection to GYE but it sure sounded like something a GYEer would say. I'm going to notify him (anonymously) of our little corner of cyberspace just in case he doesn't know about it. Not that I think he needs it, but he is in a position to spread the word.

It was like that whole speech was directed right at me. I hated it.

You loved it. Your addiction hated it.

a joke for bw:

A mathematician, biologist and physicist are sitting in a street cafe
watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side
of the street.

First they see two people going into the house.

Time passes.

After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."

The mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll
be empty again."

Thanks.

I'm so tired that it took me a while to get it (I was never very good at math anyway).

When a man lies he murders
Some part of the world
These are the pale deaths which
Men miscall their lives
All this I cannot bear
To witness any longer
Cannot the kingdom of salvation
Take me home

--Paul Gerhardt

"Fire in the Sky"

The introduction to his heartache began as a child
So it's no wonder that he grew up to be so wild
So he protected his feelings in walls he imagined
But castles crumble exposing the frightened child

Fire in the sky
Can't you see that all my castles are burning
Fire in the sky
Won't you help me now my castles are burning

In solitude he couldn't deal with his own existence
The burning questions in the castles have still remained
God only knows how he searched in vain for the answers
Now castles crumble exposing his naked flames, yeah

Fire in the sky
Can't you see that all my castles are burning
Fire in the sky
Won't you help me now my castles are burning
Did you ever see that my castles are burning

--Ozzy

Dear BW,
How did Ozzy write this stuff if he was stoned pretty much all the time? And more importantly, why doesn't it work for me?!!
D ;D V

Here's a secret: Ozzy didn't actually write a bunch of his music. But I like it anyway.

Why doesn't it work for you? Probably because you aren't me.
I have two major sanctuaries: One is the gym, the other is music. A grueling workout can be a spiritual experience, but I just sound crazy saying that if you've never experienced it. I've had many an epiphany under a heavy bar.
And music takes me to another dimension. I can literally sit in my room for hours just listening to music.


For the record, I've been slipping for days now. Days and days. The couple of days leading up to YK plus the last couple days after have been really really tough. It's almost a miracle I didn't succumb to looking at p*** or doing other things.

Oh well, I suppose it's better than that one time I fell just a couple of hours after YK (so Trying, if you're reading this, that's about a million times worse than falling before YK).


But it's been close. So close that I had to actually see how many days I'm up to. CAN'T STOP NOW, because I'm just a few days from my old record. I just need to make it through simchas torah.

One day at a time.

Bruce,

First of all, I'm not a big bench-presser,
but I totally get the workout and music thing.
I'm just a bit (understatement) lazy,
so exercise doesn't always go for me.

You're slipping,
you're not the only one,
post! tell us how you're doing!
keep us informed!
pop in and say hi!

BruceWayne wrote on 01 Oct 2009 04:49:


I just need to make it through today. Through the next few minutes even...
Bruce, let's do this together man!

Slipped after yk too, don't worry , (Im good at this ) and only didn fall cuz of miracles.

I think I like your thing of beating records , but I have a looonng way off till mine...

oh, and it honestly helps to post when you're having a hard time. It's difficult  to sound so vulnerable and out of control, but it pays. GBG

Guys,


As you know, I've been slipping and sliding for quite a while know.
Well, today I had a "big slip". Meaning, it sorta falls into a grey area and I'm not sure what to count it as. It's not a standard slip but not an all out fall.....

As much as I hate to do it, I think I have to count it as a fall, because I just don't feel right calling at a slip and saying it's OK to keep on going as if nothing happened.

So.....


Time to reset the counter.

I've got half a mind to just forget the whole counting thing altogether for now. Doing what I can to stay clean, but making no effort to reach 90. Just focusing on "clean". Then I'll come back to shooting for 90.
Because I think there's a part of me that doesn't really want to take that step. I think I need to focus on that part rather than the 90 days, and then try for 90 once I feel I've got a better handle on things.

What do you think?