YESH!

milchig or pareve? i dont wanna to miss out...

All this non stop partying has to stop,
I hate being the adult here,
But I'm going to need a new wardrobe soon,
plus there are a few GUE'ers approaching 90, and we need to save our strength for their parties!
B'Karov.

OK I HAVE TIED MY OLD RECORD OF 21 DAYS!!!!

TODAY IS 22, BUT I HAVE TO FINISH THE DAY FIRST........


I had a thought: EVERY DAY AFTER TODAY IS A NEW RECORD!

I'll be like Usain Bolt, breaking records all the time at a dizzying pace.

Really, have you ever seen him? There's no way he's human. It's ridiculous.

Bolt Shmolt, world record, big deal!

Reb Brucey, new (personal) world record, thats a BIG DEAL1

Ayzehu Gibor Hakoveish es Yitzro!

Bolt, Schmolt.
What about not counting?
Have you turned into "the Count" from Sesame street (a great guy but obviously had major mental problems)?!

Nope. I was going to go back to NOT counting once I made it through today.

So tomorrow will be your first day of "freedom from counting"!! Haha! (it's getting late, sorry...)

For you, yes. But not for me because then I'd be counting.
So tomorrow is day _________. 

Sounds great Bruce.
Keep accomplishing...
Today,
What a great day...

Gut Shabbos!!

congrats on your new record...youre inspiring me

NEW RECORD!!!

But this period is really hard. I've reached my old threshold and every moment after has been extremely difficult, even though it's only been a day. Truth is, it was really tough in the day or two leading up to it.
I couldn't focus in class yesterday or today. I'm restless and anxious. I've had a couple of slips. I hope it's not like this every single day from now until 90. Hopefully it will just be a few days.

I need to get away from my computer now.

BruceWayne wrote on 11 Sep 2009 17:45:


Bruce,

It should get easier, b'Ezras Hashem.  Have a good Shabbos!

GBG!
As you said, You are smashing a new record every moment! Good Shabbos!

GBG needs to wait....


I FELL TODAY. Shabbos is normally my freebie. I was hoping so badly that I'd at least get through YK, which would have put me almost halfway to 90.

It happened so fast--it was a blitzkrieg. Today, on the verge of saying slichot for a week, on the homestretch to RH. How can that happen? It's so similar to when I fell on erev Tisha B'av (I think it was then).

I don't get it. I really don't. What a pattern.

But I knew as soon as I got up that it was going to be a rough day. So I didn't go to shul this morning. Too many girls there. So I kept my guard up all day, but it obviousy wasn't enough. All it takes is one second......

For those of you who are in to counting, it was 24 days (the automated counter thingy is a smidge off). Only three more than last time. But those three days were so hard. I literally couldn't read more than just a few lines at a time in my textbook before my mind went elsewhere. I would sit there, fidgeting, biting my lip, trying to focus. Walk around, come back, nothing changed. It was like navigating through a smokescreen for three days. Couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't pay attention to anything, couldn't focus. I had to ask people to repeat what they just said. I felt like my brain was going to explode. I wanted to smash my head into a brick wall.

Tomorrow is Day One. I don't how many more Day Ones I'm going to need before I finally get there. When I first started I thought I could do it in one shot. Then I guessed three. Now there is no number. I don't even know which one this is (four?). However many it takes, as long as I keep moving forward. I just don't want to crawl along at three added days each time. I know it's progress, but.....so slow. So much harder than I ever thought. So much harder than anything I've ever done. And I'm no stranger to hard work. In fact, people sometimes tell me that I work too hard.

Should I set some kind of deadline? Like I have one year to hit 90? Maybe I should create some kind of reward system with little rewards every week or every other week, bigger ones for each month, and one mega huge one at the end of 90?

This is going to be one interesting YK. I remember one year in high school when I wanted to make the basketball team so that I wouldn't have time for acting out. I made the team. It worked pretty well, relatively speaking.
Similarly, I'll have less time as the semester progresses and I get swamped with work. But that's really just covering up the problem. I don't want to avoid it by burying myself in work. Like a dog, I don't want to avoid the pit in the yard by being chained down to something. I want there to be an impenetrable fence built up around it so I can be free to explore the rest of the "yard" of life.

OK, now I'm rambling. But I'm still really upset about it. Now I have to start all over again again again again again again again again.

What to do? I need bigger/better guns and more ammo, but in what form? Not counting is a good weapon for me, but I need more.

I just don't know what "more" is.

Dear Bruce,

I'm running out to Selichos, but I'm sorry about your difficult Shabbos.  Rav Shimshon Pincus, ZT"L, tells a moving story about a soldier during the YK war who was taken to the emergency room to have a bullet removed from his leg.  After the painful procedure, the soldier was told that he can go home.  His response: Home?  Home?!  There's a war going on!  I may have fallen in this battle, but my comrades need me!  And the soldier returned to the front lines.

The Nimshal is obvious.  Bruce, you have the right attitude, just like that heroic soldier.