Dear Bruce - It made me so happy to hear you have a sobriety date in your wallet. Chazal say a blessing is present only in things that are hidden from the eye. I believe they are referring to my sobriety date being hidden from my own eye!! Keeping it in your wallet is worth more than the cash you probably carry. Come to think of it, you'll probably keep more cash inside your wallet while you are sober! Waahaha!!!!
Love!
Dov

Eh, what cash? I'm in college! 

Thanks for the post.

So I finally checked my streak. Up to 9 days.

9 days goes by faster if you don't count every single day!

Read the great quote from "Zen and the Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance" posted by "Kanesher". It can be found in Chizuk e-mail 561 on this page (scroll down).

Funny thing is I actually read that when it was sent out.

I don't see how that attribute is always a bad thing the way the quote seems to make it out to be. For example, a professional athlete is never content with where he is standing, and that is what drives him to be the best. Without that slight discomfort athletes (and others) would not push themselves to be better.

I can see how the quote is helpful in many situations, but not always, because to me it sounds like the quote is advocating settling for mediocrity, at least if you take it too seriously.

Don't want to be somewhere in the future. Enjoy the now. Feel the now. Grow from the NOW. Now is all we got.

BruceWayne wrote on 31 Aug 2009 03:59:
I may be totally off with this but here goes, BW:
Well, as for me, the subconscious awareness that I was not likely going to be a rosh yeshivah or gadol hador - ever - was crippling. The idea of me never becoming famous and recognized by Klal yisroel (and the rest of the world - you know, all those shabbos goyim ;D) was actually torturing my mind. They turned out to be a major ingredient in my drive for lusting and acting out. I did not realize this until a few years ago, but I did admit/realize rather early in recovery that my effectiveness and happiness in marriage was crippled by an overwhelming "need" to be adored by my wife - not just liked, G-d forbid. Also, my effectiveness as a father was crippled by this rather stupid expectation that my kids would respect me and show it by obeying me. I may have appeared to be a run-of-the-mill father and husband - but inside it was screwing me up. (The fact that many pesukim and chazals seemed to bolster my screwy expectations did not help!) My motivations were all goofy for they were all about ME. (Ha!) My wife and children sufferred a great deal as a result of my misplaced instincts (see steps four in the 12&12 for elaboration on the concept of misplaced middos/instincts).
So, the remedy for me was and is to accept what I believe you are referring to as "mediocrity". Giving up my non-functional expectations even deep in my heart by verbally surrendering them and learning how to act that way, too. Replacing the tainted and dysfunctional ambitions I had developed myself over the first part of my life with right-sized ideas made life livable for me. True - it may be mediocre in some respect, but I feel that I have forfeited the right to have the same kind of aspirations that non-addicts may be entitled to, just by being an addict.
And guess what? In the recovery from nuttiness, G-d is apparently giving me most of the things I was really striving for - my wife and children have some respect for me, even love me a lot, and as long as I don't expect hose things, it seems I'll keep them. Does that help, chaver?
- Dov

And Guard just upgraded you to "Global Moderator" and considers you his second best eternal friend  :D

Keep up the good work with "not expecting" things, Captain!

Hey, that was my 24 hundreth post! It must be significant!

NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATS

ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOT

OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

POSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTS

bARDICHEV

Kvod Kodshoi Hadmor M'Guard shlita

Over 2,400 posts being mechazek fellow jews!
A daily email doing the same!
A website devoted to kedushas yisroel!
And a whole lot more!

All I can say is with all those zechusim, could you please daven for us this Rosh Hashana?

dov wrote on 31 Aug 2009 13:33:



I think I need to read that a few more times before I really understand it. But there's a huge difference between letting go of impossible aspirations, like me being the next Michael Jordan or whatever, and letting go of those that are legitimately within your potential. I think people confuse the two and wind up being mediocre insofar as their ultimate abilities are concerned. They settle.  I hate settling.

Agreed. My point, though, is that I do not really believe that I have control over whether I actually reach my potential. Outcomes for me, I have found, are in Hashem's hands. And as an addict (by definition, a person who repeatedly acts as though he can really control the outcomes, as in: "this time I'll do it right and it'll be different!!" - then ZOWEE! POW!!, as on the old Batman...over and over again) I have proven that it'd be a better idea to just leave the whole ambition thing in Hashem's hands. Meaning I try, but don't push something that doesn't seem to be working, unless it is for my sobriety or for something someone else, someone who depends on me needs.
Make sense yet?
Shalom, Out.

vhashiboles vehashual lo hukasa ki afilos heina

hanidchak bifnei hasha'a, hasha'a nidchak bifanav

vehameivin yavin.

sorry, no strength right now to explain.... just came back from swimming  

Just thought I'd put in 2 cents as an amatuer who recently figured this out.

We tend to use our grand goals as tools to drive us to action. As soon as we feel unable to reach our goals, we lose all motivation to act properly. This isn't necessarily a one-time thing. When I am thinking this way, I will only want to learn when I am really feeling it. After all, a bad day of learning is not part of my grand goal of being a Gadol Hador. Yes I will have some days that I do learn well. The problem is that I will be wasting the "bad" days.  The same holds true for davening, working on Yiras Shamayim, working on lust etc. When I remove focus from the results, however, I suddenly am forced to take responsibility for the one thing that I do control: my actions. This is in no way mediocre. If anything, it just breaks my strive for excellence into more managable, bite-sizepeices that only include the present. I must strive to do my best at this moment, whatever that may be.  If I do not, then I will not have utilized that particular moment properly,and it will be time to focus on the next moment. No looking back, no looking forward. Many people have lived lives of greatness by living one great moment at a time ( and they have all had failures along the way).

Hope this helps.