Sometimes I need to take my glasses off in the street.  Doing so makes a big difference.

Glasses in the street works, also listen to a shiur while walking. I think the halacha is one is supposed to only look in his own 4 amos that is a great Halacha when it comes to guarding ones eyes.

Hatzlocha Rabba.

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Tomim2B wrote on 05 Aug 2009 05:38:

I like that - use shiurim at a "Brisk" pace! Very punny. Sorry....

Anyhoo, another "eitzoh" - not the solution, mind you, only an eitzoh - is davening for the folks in the street. Even the ridiculously "dressed" ones there are pretty much innocent victims of misunderstanding the purpose of clothes, their bodies, or perhaps even life in general. Would I have had their upbringing I'd probably be worse. So I daven for them, saying "yivorechecah Hashem..." (either just that word, part of the posuk, the whole posuk, or something in english...depending on the halachik issues involved w/saying pesukim) and it helps me a great deal: it helps me relax about the people I see, it helps me take myself a little less seriously and care about others, and it helps the people too, i guess. The solution for me, though, was and is, working the steps (with the help I need).

You are "the bomb", BW. (that's good, i hope.)

Dov 

Taking my glasses off isn't the most practical thing in the world. I need to see where I'm going. I can do it sitting on a subway or something, but if I take them off in the middle of the street I'll walk into something or someone.

Also, I'm currently smack in the middle of Manhattan (though I'm not from here) so pretty much anywhere I go is "busy".

I normally try to just look down at the ground ahead of me, but I inevitably have to look up every now and then to check where I'm headed, and...boom. Especially in the area where I am, it's like they never heard of clothing....

As for listening to or reviewing a shiur, I'm nowhere near that level yet. Plus I don't even have a portable mp3 player anyway.

It's frustrating.

Here's my two cents-

Try to live with the situation instead of fighting it. I assume you have a reason to be where you are and Hashem has placed these Nisyonos in front of you. Try to avoid temptation as much as possible and limit the amount of time that you keep  looking after you chance upon an improper sight. You can do this continually even if you are being bombarded with improper images. Each one that you look away from is a victory. And finally, stop beating yourself up about it. Try to relax and just live witha commitment to improve (which should be the goal of every Yid).

Wishing you much Hatzlacha.

How much does a portable MP3 cost? a cheap one would still have plenty of hours of other-wordly music, and shiurim to keep your mind above the filth of the street.
I find that seeing improperly dressed people affects me less when I think that "hey. I saw that but I don't have to do anything about that sight"
" Let GO
(of the Lust) and
Let G-d"
take care of the rest:
My Neshoma
Her unfortunate Neshoma
the state of the Union
The Matzav in Eretz Yisroel
My poor eyes

I am not going to get anything positive out of this sight I happened to see. It might be unbelieveable that anyone would show those things around in public, but
It's not mine,
It never will be, and
I'm letting go.

I'm going on to other bigger and better proactive things I have to do in LIFE
Chaim

I don't believe this. I fell again.
I felt it coming on hours ago and I said it wouldn't happen. Not this time. I see you coming and I'm prepared.

Nope.

My last fall was just a week ago. Only 7 clean days between falls.

Terrible.


Something's just not right. I think I'm going to take a break from the forum for a few days or even more (although I may "lurk"--I just won't post). I need to re-evaluate things. Something's clearly amiss somewhere and I need to find it.

Oh, I can make excuses like how I had to go to Midtown today in the middle of the day...enough said. Or about how I suddenly found myself with a lot of time to do nothing, coupled with a lot of stress and a loophole In my filter (FIXED).
But no. Because those excuses don't hold water. Those kinds of things are inevitable sometimes but they should not inevitably lead to a fall.

I need to go do some homework.

I'll see you guys later.

Bruce WE LOVE YOU

Stay Strong.

It happens to EVERY1

Sorry to hear about your trouble and your pain. A week is still precious, and it sounds like you want better for yourself. That's worth a lot, for starters. You can call me anythime if you'd like. It was really important for me to have a few people to call when i felt something get started, or when I saw things were getting out of control. If we can't call a person cuz its embarrassing or feels too dependent or immature, what gives us the idea that we really feel any differently about being dependent on our Higher Power? Just thinking out loud with friends. Hatzlacha rabbah and have a good Shabbos, friend.
- Dov

Bruce, you're doing great as far as tool #7 of the GYE handbook goes, but now you can try and implement tool #8 and on!

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BRUCE your spirit is awe inspiring. You give me so much chizuk without even knowing it.

If you are not holding by listening to a shuir find something you are passionate about and read up on it. Or buy a MP3 player (for $10 on ebay or in the buzz) and find things that interest you. Find a passion to follow. Maybe get involved in playing a sport. You never imagined the a good jock could be VERY, VERY holy and the sport is a source of holiness.

I am by no means an expert but I think you would do yourself a lot of good by being more accepting of your urges, not trying to control them and accepting your falls. You have a very powerful sex drive. Mazal tov. You can't stop it. What you can do is throw yourself into something else. If sports is not your thing get invovled in politics. Get worded up about Oboma's  health plan.

When you fall don't feel bad. The Mai HaSheiloach in Parshas Pinchas writes that there are ten levels of self control people have over sexual temptation. The first is total control. The tenth is no control at all and the action is totally caused by Hashem  for his own reasons.  He writes that Zimeri had absolutely no control over himself. As addicts we have no control over ourselves after  arousal. Did you hear me? Hashem can cause people to act out in CRAZY ways. Imagine a very chashiva yid being seen like that with a shicktza in PUBLIC, in the heart of Monre.

Also Chazal say your sins can become merits through teshuva.   Rav  Desler explains this as follows. All actions are caused only by Hashem and we choose to do them. These two concepts are not contradictory but we cannot understand how they are not in this world. When we sin and sequentiality do teshuva from love we are in a strange position. The sin was the impetus for our new deeper relationship with Hashem. For teshuva is not simply repairing our wrong but it is improving our whole relationship with Hashem. (This is reflected in the comment of Chazal that bali teshva stand near Hashem in a place where tzadekim gemorim can not stand.) If we did a total teshuva then the sin is related to as an act caused totally by Hashem and in fact we even get merit for it. For it is only because of the sin that we are now closer to Hashem. However if we do not do teshuva  then it is still viewed as our sin. If you are trying you will get there and your sins will all shine brightly as Mitzvos.

It is possible that falling is the greatest act of kindness from Hashem. Chazal say that one who sins Hashem is poaschin lo literally it means Hashem opens for the person. That means that Hashem lets him fall and keep fallling. Where is Hashem's kindness in this? The Alter of Slabodka explains that a person wont change until he hits rock bottom. So this is Hashem's kindness that he lets him hit rock bottom so he will want to change.

Keep it up for all those who are routing for you.

Bruce???????????

Where are you? We're so worried.....
Pls post something.
I can't help you, but I'm sure others do. Running away wont help. Here you have a loving family that cares and thinks about you all the time. No matter what happens.

For my sake, pls post something so we know you're ok. ( as kutan once told me, "Post anything, even if it's the angry icon, 5th from the left")

Bruce we NEED you. Your passion keeps us going. Please tell us something.