Well, by my count I've racked up 40 days cumulatively. I guess it's a start.

Still had some after effects of the fall today. Still had some improper thoughts. Didn't even go to shul (see above).

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Oh, bruce!! We're all struggling the same way. Every one of us has become wiser and stronger in the interim. This is not the time for false anuva. In your own words;




Why not share it?



gr8 question. You answered it yourself.


Luv it.

Dear Bruce -
There have been many times I had the Y"H to ask Hashem to help me stay sober "till shabbos", for this month, for "this year", or even "forever", or just in a general way (loosely implying "forever"). Actually, the best insurance in the world for me to stay sober through to the end of my life is actually the only insurance there is: To do whatever it takes to stay sober today. So I never ask for help that will last through to tomorrow. Ever. I consider that a "tefilas shov" - a silly tefila. I am living with myself, Hashem, and everyone around me only today ("hayom") and, as He tells us in kriyas Shema today, "hayom" is His only concern.
So, enough speeches from me, and you know all our love and best wishes are with you, today. Your attitude is just plain awesome, I am only reflecting, not correcting. And yes, your thread is beautiful. Thanks.
Dov

Your perseverance is in itself  a great chizuk to me (and I'm sure to all on the forum) so please don't stop sharing

A hidden admirer

Noorah

Had a slip last night.

It was CLOSE.

Too close. Barely got out of that one.

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Congrats , bruce! Holding oneself back while starting to slip is an amazing & hard feat! Quote from the attitude handbook;




Ps- I do want more info on that therapist. Thanks

Nice Going BRUCE!!! Never stop fighting, ur doing gr8 , u doing well gives Chizuk to the rest of us .

40 days is an amazing accomplishment Keep up the good work.

We love you. That's about it, right there.

I started here recently and just fell. The enthusiasm you have toward fighting is a big source of inspiration for me.

It is possible that you are falling to give me inspiration to fight harder. Keep it up and know that the degree that you are trying is bringing others out of the dirt.

I'm still feeling the after-effects of that fall. Last night, I just lay there in the dark thinking about it a bit and then all of a sudden I became terrified. The fear was from the thought, the mental image of me going back to the way it was before I found this site. Perhaps it was an attack by the YH to entice me to sneak over to my computer (even though I have a filter). If so, I turned it around. Instead of listening or even thinking about it I just got really scared. I don't know where it came from. I literally shed tears at the thought and repeated to myself over and over "I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back....",  pretty much till I fell asleep. Don't know where that came from either. I mean, if somebody saw me they'd probably want to put me in an institution or something.

But I do know that I don't want to go back.

I just can't.

Well done, Bruce.

I also tell myself that I can't go back - I need to stay clean for my emotional equilibrium, and in order to be a proper husband and father.  Although you're not married yet, you need to stay clean in order to prepare yourself for your future wife and children.

We love you even more, BW.
The greatest thing the program did for me in the begining was quite simple:
They rocked me to sleep.
They reminded me that it'll be OK.
Just do the work you have to do and the help will come.
Dov

Slipped AGAIN.

Luckily I was able to stop before I went all out. It was close. Again.
The worst thing is that I was searching for something totally fine and then this other stuff which was not stopped by my filter came along with it.

Man, I HATE it when that happens.
I didn't stop right away. It was the oldest trick in the book. You know, the "well, it's not THAT bad, just click for yourself and see. It's not like it's actual p***. Come on....It even went through the filter....It's PG at worst*...what are you afraid of? It's fine....looks interesting...hey, you might even learn something....."

After about a minute or two of that I'm like "WAIT A MINUTE, I'M ON TO YOU! First it's this which is questionable at best, then what? I know what's next and I ain't fallin' for it!"
Nice try YH, but you need to get some new tricks  ;D

* Sad thing is it probably would count as PG these days.

IS THERE ANYWHERE I CAN GO OUTSIDE OF MY ROOM (WHICH IS IN A BASEMENT FROM WHICH I CANNOT SEE THE STREET) WHERE I WON'T BE BOMBARDED BY THINGS I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE?

It's like when I was still pre-GUE, I wondered with disgust as I walked down the street,  why do the women who are like 500lbs and seven feet wide feel the need to "show some skin". I might have been an out-of-control addict but I had boundaries, people!. Well, now it's that same complaint but applying to ALL WOMEN. I can't leave my house to go pick up a gallon of milk without being assaulted.

And I think I have the answer. I think most of them don't even realize that they are showing a bit much. It's just the standard mode of dress for many people. Which means, of course, that when they want to "kick it up a notch" you're really in trouble.
I say this because I see like 11 and 12 year old girls walking around in the streets in super short shorts etc etc. No 11 year old girl picks those out and says "oooh, I'm gonna wear these cause then all the guys will really like it". Come on. You're eleven.

The point is that they don't dress this way on their own. Their mothers, who could use a bit more "cloth" in their "clothing", dress them that way. And on it goes. Not to mention the manufacturers of this stuff for freaking twelve year olds. It's a system that breeds promiscuity from before kids are even old enough to know what that word means.

I really don't think there's a single place where you can avoid it. Except maybe Afghanistan or something.

OK, ramble over.

Good night, folks.