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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
TOPIC: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 25206 Views
Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 02 Jul 2009 22:54 #8040
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[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b]
A Tzadik is he who continues to bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita |
Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 03 Jul 2009 12:17 #8071
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Today is day 87 only thru the kindness of Hashem on my sobriety journey.
May the Almighty continue to cary me and all my "peklach", and may He open my eyes so I can see that it is HE and only He,that is actually carrying me! With warmest Shabbos wishes to all, I pray that your chulent be worthy to grace the table of Kings and Queens  :D Noorah ben Amram |
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[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b]
A Tzadik is he who continues to bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita |
Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 03 Jul 2009 13:58 #8080
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Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 03 Jul 2009 14:07 #8084
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Oops!! I'm embarrassed I will clean it up:)
do u think the "oilem" expects a few words from me on my 90th? Should I maybe prepare something ?
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[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b]
A Tzadik is he who continues to bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita |
Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 03 Jul 2009 15:06 #8086
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Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 03 Jul 2009 17:26 #8096
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Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 03 Jul 2009 18:10 #8099
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bardichev wrote on 03 Jul 2009 17:26:
oy yoyyy shabbos koydeshh oy yoyyy shabbos koydesh b Heilegah Rebbe I feel as if Im "virtually"by the Tish
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[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b]
A Tzadik is he who continues to bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita |
Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 03 Jul 2009 19:14 #8101
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Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 03 Jul 2009 19:43 #8102
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Ooo wah! With chizuk like that a person as a fighting chance!!
Same to u my sweeteest sweetest Yid (a little Shlomah 4 u) 
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[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b]
A Tzadik is he who continues to bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita |
Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 04 Jul 2009 21:13 #8119
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Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 05 Jul 2009 15:04 #8171
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Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 05 Jul 2009 20:30 #8201
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Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 06 Jul 2009 01:05 #8204
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My story can be summed up as follows "the story of just another guy who thought
he was better, smarter, more pious then everyone else, and is learning (I hope!) the hard way that he isn't "  With all the Love in the world for all Eternity Noorah Noorah’s ramble I ask the genteel reader to forgive me in advance if my literary attempt may not adhere to the rules of grammar and diction, and this “rant” may even come up lacking in style and prose, for its not literary awards that I seek nor is fame and glory my goal, rather this is a very humble attempt to present a few snapshots of my life and my tremendous Debt of Gratitude to Der Heilega Guard and all the holy chevra of the GUE network . It is my deepest wish, that the following “ramble” give others who read it succor, comfort and maybe even a little strength to continue our mutual upward climb on the proverbial ladder leading to בית א-ל! My Nature By nature I'm introverted and an intensely private person who likes the pleasure of his own company (pun unintended ) which is a precursor to lonesomeness, which in turn is lethal when it comes to p**n addiction! I also struggled all the years with what today I recognize as a mixture of low self esteem coupled with very high aspirations, a toxic and deadly mix. My work also doesn’t allow me to tap into the wellsprings of strengths that can be found in camaraderie! My struggle with mastr***** began in earnest when I was about 15 years old (maybe even earlier, yes those ubiquitous infamous Sears catalog is to what I owe my chinuch too, all you parents out there BEWARE, I beg you get rid of the catalogues!!!! you know which ones I mean! ) :'( :'( :'( :'(I remember as a young man going to Manhattan in middle of the night to buy p**n - I probably even wore my white shirt but made sure to take off my yarmuka! (as if it didn't say across my forehead in bold letters "ORTHODOX JEW" hiding from no one other then myself )- to purchase p**n magazines and in my excitement/nervousness I locked the keys in the car :-[ :-[ Didn't think I could’ve called Chaveirim (A HUGE network of chesed in The NY Metro area) I doubt they respond to Times square /42nd street area in middle of the night The Ribono shel Olom was with me even in Times Square אני השם השוכן אתם בתוך טומאתם ממש I come from a family of Talmidie Chachumim and tzadikim, some of my ancestors are actually household names (talk about GUILT :-[). Some people consider me a learned person or maybe even a bit of a [i]Talmud Chuchem,[/i] some may even consider me a tzadik, who knows ( its now ringing loudly in my ears the oath that I took before they let me loose upon this world, “swear that you will be a tzadik and you won’t be a rasha, and even if the whole world tells you that you are a tzadik, in thine own eyes know who you really are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) but all my lineage, knowledge and erudition, all my alleged piety, was and is, no protection from a very real p*rn addiction, to the contrary it only made the addiction worse. No need to belabor that point!!! My last fall and The GUE Network – Having been clean for about a year I had just completed a huge project at work and was drained both emotionally and physically. At this point I can't even remember what actually triggered the fall and its not very important. – what a spectacular and magnificent crash it was!!! :'( :'( :'( :'( the only thing I know was that I was in such a slump, that it seemed nothing could pull me out, not purim, not the upcoming peasach holiday, nothing. I was as frigid and indifferent as could be, so cold and indifferent that I actually was frightened for my own sanity. I was coasting and getting by at work, and in my family life it was all just going thru the motions for the sake of my wife and children, and just barely at that! It was as if the life was sucked out of me, time stopped ………….. hours on end, clickin n surfin you know where…………..:'( :'( :'( (maybe it’s better you don’t know where ) All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put Noorah back together again until … :'( :'( :'(…… Enter the GUE network and the holy Chevra How did I find the GUE network you ask? Good old Google!!! I don't remember what i was googling but this much i definitely remember that it was Google that brought me here ממכה עצמה מתקן רטי-ה The Very same Google that took me into sh'eol tachtis, that very same Google brought me my life preserver ......all of you on the GUE network . One of the stated goals of the GUE network is the concept of "Hitting bottom while still (relatively) on top" . GUE to me was exactly that, a giant baseball bat right between the eyes letting me know in the clearest of terms "buddy, shape up b4 u loose it all" GUE lifted me up by the scruff of my neck and shook me till my teeth rattled!! GUE shouted at me LOUD and CLEAR in the strongest language possible “Hey Noorah , if you want to avoid the indescribable pain some of the chevrah write about, you better take yourself in hand and admit that you are an addict” Filter Because I thought I was immune to the wiles of the YH I was lax in installing a no-nonsense filter - I must thank the Guard and GUE filter page, and some of the posters who stressed over and over the monumental importance of having the strongest filter possible and giving the password to someone else, as I have since done. Ninety days Kudos to the brilliantly conceived Wall Of Honor, a fabulous motivator. Yet, I “celebrate” 90 days with the greatest of caution. For me Noorah, the 90 day mark must remain a mere mile marker on the journey of the “rest of my life”, that is all. I pray that I will not succumb to any feeling of having "arrived" anywhere, because its this very feeling of "arriva"l that leads to the complacency that gets me into trouble every time!!! In conclusion (Do I hear a sigh of relief from the reader? :D :D) I learned from all my masters on the forum (yes, I consider all the holy chevrah on the forum my rebbes and my masters each and every one of you, more then you will ever know ) Arrogance preceded and precipitated my fall, and only genuine humility/anava will lift me up and sustain my recovery! The Rebbe Reb Dov and other have so eloquently posted on the forum that SOBRIETY is a gift from the Almighty .... It is my deepest deepest prayer, that we all continue to be worthy of this great gift from Hashem, the GIFT OF SOBRIETY…… THE GIFT OF LIFE!!!! L'CHAIM L"CHAIM--- TO ONE AND ALL, L"CHAIM!!!! |
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[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b]
A Tzadik is he who continues to bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita |
Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 06 Jul 2009 04:10 #8207
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Re: Noora BAmaram's Journey and Journal 06 Jul 2009 08:09 #8215
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