I thought that this site was hurting, rather than helping my quest for shmiras habris.

I'm still not sure - but it's been 12 days and I don't even have a desire to sin.

I just decided to stop arguing with people, including my wife, my family, my friends.

If someone disagrees, I smile and stay silent.  If I get criticized, I smile, stay silent, and thank Hashem for the beautiful, wonderful, instant capara.  For, if someone insults you, and you don't respond, all of your sins are forgiven.

Why?  Because, you had every right to defend youself, but you chose to forgo your rights.  So too, Hashem has every right to punish you for your sins, but Hashem will "follow your example" (kaveyachol) and forgo His rights.

Just get passed the need to control everything, be happy always, and Hashem will make miracles for you! 

Way to go!!!

Thats some great attitude

i once heard that giving ur own rotzon up for rotzon Hashem is like bringing a korbon- just think of how many korbonos u have given in the past few days! 

Welcome Back Withgdshelp!

It's really amazing that you are able to keep yourself out of arguments.  To quote chazal, "The world exists because of the people who can keep their mouths shut at a time of argument."  And, I think sefer Olas Tomid mentions this as one of the intentions we can have when saying the blessing every morning "G-d stretches out the earth upon the water."

I got some interesting advice from my Choson teacher (which was over ten years ago), as part of "how to have a GOOD argument."

If you can truly yield your self to others, that is incredible, and keep up the good work.

But, sometimes the point of dispute might be something that is really important to you, or that REALLY bothers you.  Something you can't easily ignore.  Something that can potentially build up resentment and blow up some day, G-d forbid.

If you ever find yourself in one of these arguments, the tip I got was DON'T ARGUE at first.  Wait a day or two, or a week, until both parties can approach the subject calmly.  Then, say something like, "I would really appreciate if..."  Be real calm, considerate, open-minded and diplomatic.

My chosson teacher said that dealing with the issue later (and calmly)--even though everything seems okay now-- is equally as important as not arguing in the heat of anger.  It prevents hidden resentments from building up.

Lots of luck,

 --Eye.

Another amazing tikun is to attend a bris milah.  Any sin that you have done tshuvah for is wiped away - like an early Yom Kippur - when you attend a bris milah, and eat from the festive meal that follows.  Why?  Because Eliyahu attends every bris milah, and he can't be around sin - so Hashem removes all sin from the room! 

This is, of course, provided that you has disconnected the sin from yourself through tshuvah.  If you don't regret your actions yet, it's still part of you.

So many people rush off to work in the morning, and the family who makes a bris milah for their baby boy can have trouble getting a minyan to stay for bentching!  Make a point of going and staying the next time that a family member, friend, or even an acquaintance in shul, makes a bris milah.

withgdshelp wrote on 13 Mar 2010 21:15:
I have no idea whether this will interest you, but you may like to read a selection in the back of "Alcoholiocs Anonymous" in the Member Stories", called "Dr., Alcoholic, Addict" (in the 4th edition it may be renamed, "Dr., Heal Thyself!"), as it hits on this mans experience with exactly how not arguing with people and with G-d is an indispensible part of his ongoing recovery. He even describes it as part of the recovery itself.
Hatzlocha and thanks so much for what you posted, WGH!!