Thank you Dov.
i just wanted you to know that it was your Mussar that forced me to take a closer look at the 12 steps. Thank You.

In my opinion you hit the nail on the head. When I learned this Yesod [from the seforim of R' Tzadok Hakohen of Lublin] I was ecstatic. (Iy'H I hope to discuss it at length soon in the 'smedrish)

battleworn wrote on 21 Jun 2009 20:17:


Wow! Can't Wait!

B"h I am up to 23 days clean.

Wow. That rock moshol hit the spot!

Today is 25 days. I can't believe it.

I am seriously beginning to worry about my situation next week. My family is going away for the summer. This is a double edged sword for me. First of all, there are many Tznius issues in a vacation spot.Secondly, when I am home during the week, it is very lonely and I have much more time that is not directly accounted for. I need to start preparing myself for this monumental test that I will face.

Dearest Hoping, the fact that you are aware of the "gesher tzar Me'od" is already half the solution. Because being aware of the dangers will help you be prepared. Please see the section called "Bein Hazmanim" in the GYE handbook, Tool #3. Once you make your preparations and lay down a Battle Plan, the only next step for you to do is the second half of the phrase: ve'Haikkar Lo Lefached Klal!! As Miribn says, you are on the action committee. Leave the RESULTS to the RESULTS COMMITTEE, i.e. Hashem  :D.

It says this in the Handbook but I think it can't hurt to spotlight it. Make yourself a seder hayom - daily schedual. It can be extra helpful to make a seder of learning every morning right after Davening.

hoping heiliger tzaddik
I am hoping you will check in with me on the country YIKES thread EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

the summer is the zman for the greatet aliya and yerida ch"v

I hope jack will back me up to give everyone country-style chizzuk!!

see you at the mincha stop
I wear a woodford cap
b

B"H I am at 27 days. The past few days hsve been very difficult for me as I have felt really down in the dumps. It has been really hard for me to get myself to learn or daven. I expected that being clean would make me feel more Ruchniyusdik but that is not the case. I am jealous of all those who write how they feel more Kedusha in their lives while they are clean. I hope that thiswill get better over time. I wish I could just try to forget about my recovery but that would be a disaster becaus eventually I would just slip backwards. I hope that Shabbos will be better because I generally don't have a hard ttime with the Y"H on Shabbos.

Wishing everyone a ruchniyusdik Shabbos.

I feel your pain and I can relate because I've had the same experience.

But in truth they should be jealous of you. Because your avoda is worth 100 times as much. ... מאה פעמים בצער [A 100 times is whole lot if you stop and think about it]
Also, always remember that every single darkness is always a preparation for a new light.
So hang in there and it will most definitely come!

Chart updated. Keep hoping! (Level 4 coming up soon...)

Please read principle #26 of the attitude handbook!

Keep strong, you are one of the most inspiring warriors on this entire forum!

Nurah Posted this:

The following lifted me up many a times and is very apropos in our mutual battle.

A wealthy man who lost all his money came to the Rebbe and said "rebbe, the thing that bothers me the most about this loss is not the money, that hurts, but what hurts the most is that I am no longer capable of davenning, I no longer have the serenity and peace of mind necessary to concentrate on my davenning".

The Rebbe replied with following:
The gemorra says that when Nevuchadnezer saw the tremendous miracle that chanania, meshoel and azaria walked out alive  from the fire, he wanted to sing  shira to Hashem on this great open  miracle, and if the angels wouldn't have slapped him across the face, the songs that would have came out of nevuchadnezer's mouth would have put to shame the shira/songs of Dovid son of Yeshai.
Asked the Rebbe, what did it bother the angels that nevuchadnezer should sing shira to Hashem,
"zol er zingen" "let him sing".

Answered the Rebbe: by slapping Nevuchadnezer across the face, the angel's were saying to him,  its no kuntz- trick to sing to Hashem when witnessing open miracles, let's see you think when it hurts- hence the slap in the face - like Dovid Hamelech continuously did, that's real shira-real singing to Hashem.
Said the Rebbe to the distraught chosid, its no trick to daven when there is no challenge that isn't what they want in himmel, Heaven -real singing to Hashem is when we are in pain yet we continue anyway singing anyway.

Sometime when I struggle,  Yiddishkiet and  davening, learning seems so frigid , sub zero temps - but the truth is that is only  then that its a kuntz to sing shira and that is when its the most beautiful melodious sweet  shira song to the ears of Hashem.

Dearest Hoping,
U write about the slump your in and how difficult the struggle has been especially with regards to learning and davenning.

Here is a thought that woks for me. Own we raise our children, one of the most fundamental rules is "chanoch linear al pee darko" each child according to his own way! There is no one right way to raise a child and teach a child,  some can learn quicker some slower some even slower then slow. This is all very elementary to parents and mechanchim.
The same is true when we try teach,raise, instruct or be mechanech the "child" within us -as rav miller zl used to say we are our own child- DON'T PUSH the "child" to much, to quickly, you will end up doing. More harm then good.
For example when we take a child who is to young to go to shule and expect him to sit docile for hours on end, we create a negative association for the child with davenning and yiddishkiet.

This is not my own Torah, we all know this!
So, I tell myself also the same thing  slooooowwwww, little by little, remember drocheh darchie noam / all the ways of the Torah are ways of pleasentness:)
DON'T PUSH YOURSELF TO MUCH!!!! TAKE IT EASY and it will all fall into place. "One day at a Time"
With all the love  possible for a fellow Yid
NB

You might find this an inspiring read... a bit long, but worth it... read to the bottom.