I bought the book. I'll let you know what I think.

hoping wrote on 21 Jul 2009 13:51:

Holy Rebbe Hoping,

From here on u may consider me nura one of your talmidim. Boh hoping vhemidum al achas

BTW did u know, someone showed me that there is a beautiful maymar from the Ramchal in the sefer otsros ramchal called the sod hakeevoy "secret of hoping" take a look. Very very fitting for you and very germain to our struggle, My holy Rebbe;)
If u pm me your email address I will send u a pdf copy!!

The smallest and humblest amongst your talmidim

Noorah

Dear heilige chevra - ad sheba'anu lekahn:
About 6 years ago I slipped on the ice (literally) and my leg was broken in about four places. The pain was shocking and after realizing that I didn't pass out, the first words that came out of my mouth were in "yinglish". There was no one around. Just me and my Tatty in Himmel. I found out then that I do not express my deepest feelings in lashon kodesh, for example, rather, in english/yinglish. That got me thinking: I work in a hospital and meet a lot of sick and some dying people. I see the way illness and facing death changes a person's behavior. When I'll be in my last few moments in this world - really - all the games and the show will finally really be so over. How will I express myself to myself, or calling out to Hashem, then? Nobody will be around then, and even should there be another person there, I know I won't pay them any mind at all (maybe, sadly, for the first time in my life!)...can you see this, too?
When I looked at it for a while, I discovered that I'd be desperate, I'd be real. When desperate, I fall back on what comes out from deep inside me - this neshoma/guf and truly expresses the most real part of me that I am aware of: my mama-loshon. It's the only language I really trust when I need to express myself. Does anyone here see the same in themselves? (Ashrei to those who's mamaloshon is the language that their neshoma speaks, rather than english! But nu, that is the truth about me. I try not to confuse the way things are w/what should be now, be"H). 
So, here is where I'm going w/this:
You may find that saying some normal tefilos in your own words in english (or whatever language you'd actually use if you slipped and 'saw a supernova in your head' c"v, like I did.) So now, I translate Adon Olam into english (not from artscroll - that's their words, not mine). Same for some pesukei dezimra, and various bakashos. I say them in lashon kodesh because there is far deeper stuff expressed in them in the hebrew than I can ever express, true. But that is for the "tefilos neged korbanos tiknu" aspect. With respect to the "bakashos" aspect of tefillah - the one most deeply precious to a sexaholic/addict/guy desperate for real emunah p'shuta and connection to my very own G-d, I feel I'm only yotzei bidi'eved as long as it is not expressed the way that I speak most deeply and personally. Now, there are shaylos of halacha here and I recommend speaking to a rov about how/what/where for this practice. Still, we only live once , hopefully. This is your 'shot'. Why wait till the game is almost over to finally speak to Hashem the way we'd speak to anyone else we are desperate to be deep and real with? Hatzlocha to anyone who tries this and please let me know what you find, thanks.

Reb Dov, do you know that this is what the Chofetz Chaim says? Also R' Nachman Mibreslov!

battleworn wrote on 22 Jul 2009 14:54:

Thaks - I heard it beshem the Breslover, but never w/respect to the standard tefillos that we say daily that lend themselves to "shigrah". And the last time i read Ch"Ch in a peice re: Bikur Cholim he seemed to send me a double-message regarding whether malochim will bring english tefillos up or not. I remember it saying something about the schina at the head of a choleh so foreign language would only be OK then. If you can please give me a place to look that implies otherwise I'd be very grateful. Dov

I saw the Chofetz Chaim last about 12 years ago, I'll bli neder try to find it shortly.

Thank You to everyone on this site for once again keeping me company this week while my family is away . I will update again after the weekend.

heilige hoping

have wonderful shabbos

brother b

I am happy to report that I had a wonderful Shabbos.

On the other hand, my week has not been going as well. I have not had any particular difficulties with lust directly, but I have been lacking in my strive for the proper Ruchniyus perspective that I feel is the cornerstone of my recovery. My tefila and learning are without inspiration and I feel even more guilty about that now than I ever did. Since HKB"H has been so good to me and has allowed me to really feel His presence, I have no excuse to be lackadaisical in serving Him. Yet, I feel stuck in the mud today. I don't know if it is acceptable to say that I will wait for this feeling to pass and hope that I feel more inspired tomorrow. Maybe there is more that I should be doing now. Yet, that gets me right back to the fact that I am not feeling inspired to do much at all.

Avoda WITHOUT inspiration is a  VERY SPECIAL avoda.
R' Wolfson is talks about this alot, and insisted that this point be brought in the English language sefer that they made of his teachings.
Basically, he says that the good feeling we sometimes get is simply a gift from Hashem and nothing to do with the effect our avoda is having in ruchnius. That is beyond our vision.
So, serving Hashem now is even a greater level.
Of course we don't feel it, and we think its a weak avoda and despised, but the truth is the opposite.
wish I remembered more, have not read it for a while. It is the piece on the mearas hamachpaila.
k

Amen to Kutan shel hachabura!!

When people say "You can't think yourself into right living. You need to live yourself into right thinking" They mean precisely this! Our motivations are a very deep and often secret area to wonder about. But our actions are for us (sound like something from parshas nitzavim?) they are our main business.
You are so fortunate to already have a clear and sensible concept of what good behavior looks like! It is the Torah in you, in your mind and in your body. Ashrecha, ashreinu! Daven that your conscience never leaves you and that Hashem opens up your heart to feel the joy of what Kutan Shel hachabura wrote you and accept that avodah for now, until He gives you whatever will be even better when the time is right! No need to force it, just trust Him!
Staying sober is worth anything.

Wow Dov, I keep learning from you, even on things I thought I knew already!
Thanks for wording it so well.
kutan

Reb Hoping,
i apologize dfor not getting around to reading your whole thread until now.it is quite long,as you know.
the wealth of wisdom and philosophy on this thread is overwhelming,to say the least.im going now through the thread beiyun;this one needs time and focus
when i saw your posts i figured uve been clean for years at least.how shocked i was to find out you only joined the forum a couple months ago.determination such as yours is what gave pple koach to win over full continents.u went from depressed addict to a warrior with over 50 days clean."I am ready to fight" were the words u used in your first post.please help us follow in your footsteps.your chizuk is the best i get.you friend-uri

Uri-

Your comments have instantly lifted my spirits. Thank You.

      I am away now for the summer and find myself with less time to post. B"h things have been going well for me and my relationship with Hashem has reached a far deeper level than ever before. This is manifested in two ways.
      Firstly, my davening is on a much more sincere level. When I ask Hashem for something it is with the plain and obvious realization that He is the only One who can help me and He is just waiting for me to ask. Whenever I need something in the course of the day, I find myself turning to Him for help. This goes from the typical requests for Parnassa and health to more specific things like help in understanding a sugya. Everything that I do and everything that I have is only because Hashem has granted it to me. Maintaining this awareness is a full time job as it involves (quite literally) every step of my life. I know that these concepts are very basic, but they have truly not meant much to me until now. Being that Hashem will not be quitting His job any time soon, I have no reason to worry about tomorrow and I can honestly focus on trying to do the best I can with the situation that Hashem has granted me today.
      The second manifestation is more specifically related to lust. If I encounter any kind of Nisayon, I am able to use a two-pronged approach. First, I try to turn away from the immediate urge. This, however, will not last forever. I must immediately return to focusing on Hashem's complete control over my life.In this mindset, there is no room for lust. I do not know if the urges will ever lessen, but I will be happy to live the rest of my life with awareness of Hashem's constant help.
        May Hashem grant me the ability to be aware of Him.