Thank you Bardichev I am back in town now so no country issues just loneliness issues.

BTW the Woodford (hic) hit the spot (hic)

Chart Updated. 43 days!

The Noam Elimelech writes it takes 40 days to change a bad habit, so you're past one major stage on the way to 90!!

B'H this week is easier than last. I have really begun to feel and see  the Yad hashem more and more as I try to let go of control and strangely, the idea that am not in control has led me to increased responsibility for my actions, because they are the sole thing for which I am responsible. I will repeat what I have already mentioned. This lesson is important for everyone; it just took an addiction for me to figure it out.

KEEP UP  YOUR HEALTHY OUTLOOK!!

Reb hoping, that's a tremendous yesod! You're very fortunate to be able to feel it.

CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!

hoping wrote on 15 Jul 2009 13:59:

Reb Hoping, Shlit"a
#1 - you are so not alone in this realization!
#2 - I doubt you "figured it out" - when did you get smarter? Chances are, you "lived it out"! And that's saying something!!
How sweet it is!!

Thank you R' Battle and R' Dov,

It is actually your posts that give me direction and aspirations in this overhaul of my life. When I first read some of the way that you two relate to Hashem, I thought that I had no ability to ever get there. Now I am touching the very tip of the iceberg and I cannot believe the internal change I feel. It is truly an amazing and very humbling feeling to realize that Hashem is with me every moment of the day and night, waiting for me to call out to Him and holding my hand. R' Dov you are right; it is the sweetest feeling in the world and I hope to continue to learn from you how to further deepen my relationship with Hashem and do His will.

Thank you so much!

Hoping,

Thank you R' Battle and R' Dov,

It is actually your posts that give me direction and aspirations in this overhaul of my life. When I first read some of the way that you two relate to Hashem, I thought that I had no ability to ever get there.

That is exactly how I feel.

Yet you say you are beginning to do it...

So, because of you, I'm still Hoping.

kutan

I am B'H back after another weekend and I think I'm at 50 days! This weekend I had slightly relaxed in my vigilance with regard to Shmiras Aynayim and I have to focus a bit on this issue. I think that it is important that I spend some time thinking about it before the weekend so I have a positive, thought-out approach for when the Nisyonos come. It is not that I consciously looked this time just that my vigilance not to look was not as it should have been. Otherwise, my main focus has been on the realization that I can accomplish nothing (including recovery) without the help of Hashem and even this awareness requires the help of Hashem. I have begun to daven to Hashem that He should give me this awareness as it is for me the starting point for any facet of Emuna and Bitachon.

Hoping -
"pischu li shaarei tzedek! (Dovid Hamelech, not exactly a man we'd call an outsider or a newbie, says: open the gates for me, Hashem - meaning: I am outside and trying to enter! I am a newbie and just starting out!) - avo vam odeh Kah (if I actually enter them, I won't forget you, rather, I will admit/thank You and only You, Hashem for this)

zeh hasha'ar Lashem (zeh - only this is the gateway to Hashem: the recognition that I am a newbie, just starting my avodah now!) and, tzaddikim yavo'u (=future tense) vo (it is the tzadikkim who enter that way - they may be tzdikkim ,but there approach is always as a newbie).

It seems you are in very good company, my friend!

R' Dov-

Thank you again for your words of chizuk. I relish them.

B"H I am doing well.

I have been following the discussion on GMA's thread. I can only talk from my own experience and not from a general perspective so I would like to post my feelings here.

When I discovered this thread, I was drawn by the feeling that it would help me finally beat back the Y"H that I have been fighting for the majority of my life. Aside from that particular issue, I viewed myself as a pretty solid Ben Torah. Even as I initially tried to implement some of the attitudes that I learned from this site and from 12-step, it was mainly as a 'trick' to overcome the Y"H. What I realized with the help of Hashem, was that I was working backwards. The more fundamental and in ways the more important issue was addressing the internal Chisronos that I am now willing to acknowledge. Understandably, there are times that habit pulls me to act out and I have to fight with the Y"H, but essentially, my battle is on a different plane. I am no expert in the 12 steps, but the concept of 'letting go and letting G-d' is utterly profound and utterly simple at the same time. Not easy, but simple. It is this Yesod that I constantly go back to whenever I am feeling stuck. This is also in my mind the cornerstone of Emuna Peshuta. There is a long Tefilla from the Ohr Lashamayim that focuses initially on acknowledging the involvement of HKB"H in every aspect of our lives, then leads to a Bakasha that we should be aware of it, and only at the very end does the Tefila focus on success in Limud Torah (almost like a tefilla written for the beginning of the 12 steps). This focus on dealing with fundamental Emuna issues is not, in my mind, a medicine that I take until I am cured from whatever is plaguing me, it is a lifelong approach to that, with Hashem's help, can allow me to  deal with the Y"h in a healthy manner.

I don't know if this post will benefit anyone else, but it helped me crystalize some of my own thoughts.

You know, Hoping, your post reminded me of the Gemara that Chavakuk boiled it down to one: emuna. My Rebeim say that Chavakuk was the last navi and was speaking to the last generation...

I would recommend  R' Wolfson's emuna shmuzen.  They have impacted my life, although of course I need to still work on internilizing. Your posts help me too!

R' Guard posted a link to MP3 files of the shiurim somewhere.

www.613.org/wolfson.html

kutan

Hi Hoping, you're right on target. I know that R' Shalom Arush's book "B'gan Ha'emunah" (available in Hebrew and English) has changed the life of thousands of people. I read the part on Teshuva and I think it's amazing!

I believe that this book is/can be our solution for how to: Let Go, and Let G-d.

That fact that something seamingly so simple, is one big chiddush to the reader, proves that we have really lost a major step in this golus. True Emunah P'shuta.