Thank you 7up and installed! I have another question, I am currently revising and editing what i want to say, but unless i am able memorise it which i will try to do i might have to print it out and read it. is that something i should do?

Well this is what I do when I call a girl for the first time before a date (also uncomfortable conversation but obviously much easier). I write down my points in bullet points and then start the conversation. It gives me the ability to have a natural conversation while covering all my points. Oh and don't bother memorizing it. You will be interrupted and you will forget it anyway (and you won't sound natural about it anyway.)

I think that reading from a paper will make the atmosphere a bit on the stiff side.

I have thought about that, my only thing is that i am working so hard to cover my bases and word everything right that i don't want to ruin it, i think my approach will probably be to read over it quite a bit and try and stay as close with out memorizing it.

You are doing SO great! Wow.

As to suggestions: I've even more of a wimp than the "talking points" type.

I'd send over a copy of the note ITSELF. Then, the discomfort has already passed by the time the meeting starts. And, as others have said, she's likely to be relieved that a) you have a clue what the "it" is, and b) you're willing to share that info with her and bring her into the loop seeking solutions.

(and possibly even c) it's not like you're anything awful like being gay or something...)

In our family, we often share notes (even emails) for stuff that's too painful to raise face-to-face. Then, when we get together, we're already over the initial reactions and ready to find answers.

Your mileage may vary.

It is certainly something to think about! I am going to make a few renditions now.

Mommy, You said i could tell you anything. This is very hard and difficult for me to do but because of recent events i feel i should tell you what is going on with me. You know how i have been depressed and moody recently? Well even though i have told you it is nothing... that was not the truth. You know that i fell behind a lot in math this year and that i don't practice drumming accept a few days before my lesson even though i like to drum and how I don't read as much of the History books as I myself would like. The reason is because I am a chronic procrastinator. I have tried much harder to stop the procrastinating since I found out it is more than just a little bit of pushing things off.  When i do fall behind I get very anxious and depressed. You also know i am lonely because I don't have friends. This also gets me down. What I am about to say is very hard to say and is probably even harder to hear. I deal with my procrastination and my pressure, stress, loneliness and all of my other stuff by trying and find comfort in this through "inappropriate images, videos, and stories" which lead to other things. AND I HATE MYSELF for it!In order to deal with this I joined a website for religious and non religious Jews alike who have the same problem in varying degrees of difficulty who are all trying to stop and serve Hashem better, I am also in touch with a few members from the site on my email. I love you Mommmy!"

well...this is my final copy for the moment obviously, I am still taking suggestions. Thank you to everyone who has (is) helped (helping) me with this! I don't know if i am going to be able to do it tonight, i hope so though! but you never know it is all in Hashem's plan. Than you...

The note idea is not bad (but it obviously depends on how you feel about it). However, if you do end up talking just remember that the message that you are trying to send is simple...

CA, if you really think about it, all you are saying is.

Is it a good time to talk > you've notice different behavior > there is a reason for it > I'm a procrastinator and view explicit material and act out > I'm ashamed of it and I'm working on myself> I thought that it would be important for you to know and your support will definitely help me get through it.

I'm sure that your mom will take it well  but don't worry if she doesn't. Your mom may be a bit shocked (I doubt it) and may not take it well (I doubt it again) but don't worry about it she will eventually understand you and will apologize for not being supportive (unlikely). 

When I face a tough situation I always think of the worst case scenario, accept the outcome and then act. The outcome is always better (than worst case) and it is a huge relief once it's done. If you are sure that you want to talk about it, do it today! DON'T PROCRASTINATE! 

Best of luck!

installed wrote on 15 Jun 2010 22:17:


new things just popped up...You know how i have been saying that there are recent events that help prompt me to do this, well one of my teachers from elementary school...her son died...and it MAY have been at his own hand, i don't want to say things like that but...i said maybe. my mom went to the funeral today which is why i have been able to be on this whole time, and she is torn up from the inside because she is friends with the the mom of the young  man who past away. I feel awful dumping this on her too!! should i wait? should i give her a warning? "mom what i have to say is very important and upsetting should it wait till another time?" or should i skip it for tonight? i am hesitant to skip it because #1 i actually somewhat feel like i might be able to go through with it and #2 now she is tender and she might be more understanding of my situation because of the "other events". I just would feel horrible!!  help!

Hmmm...

That's a tough one :o. I would wait until tomorrow (but promise yourself that you will do it tomorrow) and I would also do it out of the house. Being in a public area helps because you won't be on her turf but in a more balance and equal environment.

the thing is tonight there are no interruptions! tomorrow 7-8 is learning and 8-9 is drumming and then my dad is home and everything, i have 2 more hours today! My mom gets off from school soon but my brother is always hanging around...i might have to try one day and do it during the day or wait till next Tuesday. I see only one benefit with doing it during the day and thats that if i tell her during the day i can tell my dad at night or something. my moms first day off is Friday i think...no good then, i would have to wait until next Monday or next Tuesday i think if i do not do it today. I am already not wanting to do it what will be in a week?

Wow that's a toughy. Make sure you don't do it when your bro is around. How about taking a walk with your mom today then?

Start the conversation with something unrelated so that it doesn't start in an awkward way. Talk about the funeral, you drumming etc.

yeah i will start with the funeral and lead into this, she went to deliver food to the house of morning, i am really thinking here! I don't think my brother or sister will walk in...you never know though...I think i would feel more comfortable if we were in her room because i can close the door and there will be no chance to turn back but if i go for a walk i have every chance to pull out, also if my mom does cry (i don't think she will) I don't want it to be outside, i don't know how she will react but things are less private outside.

Thanks installed for helping me! and everyone else, i feel really stressed but i think it is the best thing to do!