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Chazak Amenu's climb

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TOPIC: Chazak Amenu's climb 14211 Views

Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 14 Jun 2010 08:29 #70444

yehoshua1 Current streak: 1957 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 399 Karma: 0	Hey good work Chazak, you can see the problem and you call out and go then back to work. You give me hope for myself also, thanks!
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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 14 Jun 2010 16:18 #70523

Chazak Amenu
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I fell! :'( All the depression and anger and frustration and anxiety and stress all came crashing down! My mom has a meeting today so i knew i had time to fall and not get behind when obviously i don't! Because i still have stuff to catch up on!! I am really concidering the online 12 step program with Dov. I don't know what to do now but get to work...I let you guys down Hashem down and myself down i am off to give 20 dollars to tsedaka only 20 left after that...Help!

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 14 Jun 2010 18:13 #70577

Chazak Amenu
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I fell again...I chose to seek comfort from the first fall in the very thing which caused the pain! I am trying to do work now and am finding it very difficult...I guess i am going to hell then...and on the way i will have terrible life because i won't be able to get married because i will be to busy watching por* and i am going to live in a card board box because i can't stop procrastinating... :'(

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 14 Jun 2010 19:00 #70585

briut
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Er, um, you DO know better, don't you? You're just trying to give an ironic version of how part of you is feeling down, right? 'Cause if that's even close to what reality is looking like, you've GOT to get your parents to get you to some help in getting through this.

And if you're really doing okay, please let us know so we can all stop biting our fingernails or even looking for some comfort ourselves .

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 14 Jun 2010 19:14 #70589

Chazak Amenu
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You know what? I have no idea how realistic these thoughts are! I think they are just me looking at the worst of things as i begin to do in these times and more recently, but i am glad you pointed it out because for the short time i have thought about this and i am thinking (i know i should have told you all to sit down first...my bad) obviously i am not in that poor of a situation because i AM getting work done and i am able to stay clean for a few days. This is just a lot to handle. I am doing better now still depressed but thinking more clearly, i am listening to RavMillerShmerasEynaim shiur and i listened to another one before it, it is making me feel a little better. i am really thinking about taking another approach the Dov 12 step conferences online. I am catching up on history now and as i catch up i feel a bit better so even though things are down i am looking up, I am not feeling well and that may have led to the fall(s) but I have to keep going...I have to stop getting depressed! It is not helping it is making matters worse. I would love input on whether the Dov 12 step program would be helpful for me, I think it would be but i am waiting to make my decision.

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 14 Jun 2010 19:32 #70592

briut
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Chazak Amenu wrote on 14 Jun 2010 19:14:

I have to stop getting depressed! It is not helping it is making matters worse.

Well, your words and not mine.

But, and it's a big but, "getting depressed" is not a matter of willpower. It's not a question of situations that get you down. It's not in any way some fault in the person's character. It's a case of the brain failing to fire in some areas. And it's fixable in many ways.

While stressful situations (school, GYE issues, putting things off) might be contributing to HOW some depressive thoughts might play out... they do not cause the depression. And fixing those situations, I'm sorry to say, wouldn't fix a genuine depression.

Modern medicine (and I've bought the tshirt) says that if it's lasting consistently over more than two weeks, it's probably worth finding a pro to talk to. Probably just to talk, although as you know we've got about 1 in 11 adults in this country on psychoactive meds.

If your words are more true than not-true, what you need to be talking to your parents about is not your P&M issues but your emotional state right now. Period.

Hello? Are you listening? Anyone out there, CA? And, you other forumers, anything to add?

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 14 Jun 2010 20:28 #70618

the.guard Current streak: 697 days NOW ONLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 137	Chazak Ameinu, you're an amazing warrior. Don't let the fall get you down. The fact you are working on this already sets you apart from 99% of the world. The Yetzer Hara's biggest goal is to get you down. Don't let him. Please read the last few principles of the Attitude Handbook. Keep on trucking. You inspire us all!
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by .

Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 14 Jun 2010 21:27 #70637

briut
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CA: Whoops, Guard's point is so so so clear that I had figured it didn't even bear repeating. He's right; I'm mistaken. Whoops. "I'm like totally maskim, Guard."

Anyhow, it's not JUST that 99% of the world hasn't reached the levels you have in choosing to be here, doing the work here, and inspiring others by being here. It's also that your willingness to take on the work of a seasoned old man, while not quite at old man status , shows a great deal of true grit. And ahavas Hashem, too, by the way.

You ARE a gibbur, buddy. And whether you're feeling down for a coupla days or Ch'V even longer, there is NO question that you're gonna be up there in the victory circle.

And of course, the victory circle is also the starting gate for the next cycle, because the work never really ends; it just moves on to the next higher level. Sigh.

[None of this negates my earlier suggestions that getting a professional's screening on how you're feeling could prove very helpful....]

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 15 Jun 2010 00:17 #70674

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 15 Jun 2010 01:29 #70686

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hey CA,
i agree that its tough being a teen. heck, i've had thoughts pop into my head that i never wanted there in the first place. i think where we have it the hardest is just the simple fact that we have no one to be truly close with (both personally and physically). realistically its tough for us to find physical comfort in Hashem and i'm sure our hormones do nothing to help.

at least from my own experience and seeing others on the forum, its just a matter of muscling our way through this phase. this doesnt mean just grinding our teeth to make it. it means coming up with clever ways to do so, mainly finding ways to fill the gap (or chasm :-\). at least for me, it involves spending as much time with friends and family as possible, hopefully separately. it involves getting out of my own little isolated corner and being social, and trust me, i would definitely not describe myself as a social butterfly. regardless, its important to connect with other people in real life to get through this, despite whether or not they know your struggle with this.

i'm sure you'll find a way to make it out of this rut, you'll get past your record of 55 in no time and then its on to 90 (and beyond)!

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 15 Jun 2010 03:15 #70699

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Black and Blue banana stew! (and just a bit of fun, too)

Chazak Amenu wrote on 15 Jun 2010 00:17:

OK, I have been thinking (dang i keep forgetting to tell people to sit down!) First off I think we are being to quick to call my depressed streak a clinical depression. I feel like every time i turn the corner there is another problem that i have, first it was por* and masturbatio* then it was chronic procrastination and now it is depression, I am more readily accepting of it as something that is part of my journey hormones of teen along with very difficult times (introducing procrastination and por*) is getting me down. After reading this fast (try it! It's mindboggling), the words: Will you just shut up and relax!?!, come to mind...but you are far too nice a guy to actually write that to.

Like Briut pointed out and i quote, "While stressful situations (school, GYE issues, putting things off) might be contributing to HOW some depressive thoughts might play out... they do not cause the depression. And fixing those situations, I'm sorry to say, wouldn't fix a genuine depression." Also by Briut "And whether you're feeling down for a coupla days or Ch'V even longer, there is NO question that you're gonna be up there in the victory circle." the underlined is where i am coming from and besides i don't really care if i am happy or sad right now i have to deal with more important stuff like securing my future and serving Hashem better .Your future? How about saying to heck with your dang future and start dealing with today instead. Lusting after 'security' is a useless expenditure of valuable energy, isn't it? And the argument: "But-but...who's gonna take care of things if I don't set matters right?!" is overdone. So many things happen totally out of the blue in the phase of life you are dealing with anyway. Who is running the show, really?

I would appreciate if we could deviate from this topic for a moment, I would really like for people to tell me whether they think doing the Dov virtual 12 step program would be beneficial to me I think it might be but i am not sure i would appreciate feedback.
Perhaps I'm disqualified, but I'd say it matters less what you do - as long as you do something honestly and thoroughly. Whatever you do - you will get what you put into it.

Also i can't get rid of the feeling ( it might be more than a feeling) that i really want to have s*x i really want to "be" with a woman! It's overrated. Ha! Actually, being curious is so natural, but it's just a pity we all have to struggle so much with that and waste all that energy over something that doesn't solve our problem - We Feel Empty and Alone! And we really believe a woman can fix that. No aveiro can convince us otherwise, even if it succeeds in scaring us off! But I pity the woman/women we choose to use for that...I picked my wife, and I pity her for the hell she had to go through just to finally have me 'sane'.I hate myself for it Your YH hates you enough, like Osama...you really think you are joining their ranks? Hating yourself? Maybe you are sick of yourself...nothing new there. That's what the 4th step is about - learning how to accept yourself, cuz Hashem does. He isn't ignorant of your silliness, selfishness, fearfulness, and mistakes...he's not phased. Loves you anyway = He wants you to do His mitzvos! You! Amazing, no? but i really want to! I don't know how to express the feeling but its there! Whats going on?! I know you guys are going to say its normal and all but how can i go till i am married without it! Only one way: one day at a time...and soon you will find many more important things to concern yourself with than getting in places you don't belong. There really is another way than preoccupation with that thing.I feel like i need it, and what scares me is if one day (i feel like this is fantasizing) a girl came over and said lets "do" it i would say yes! Well, many of us would be in trouble there too. So?HELP! I really dislike having these thoughts!Have a good night. get busy and find friends and take it easy.

"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 15 Jun 2010 03:33 #70705

Chazak Amenu Current streak: 378 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 526 Karma: 0	I just heard something that has changed my outlook on life...I want to tell my parents what is going on with me i am tearing up now, Please tell me a few ideas on how to go by it, thank you.
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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 15 Jun 2010 03:56 #70707

Chazak Amenu Current streak: 378 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 526 Karma: 0	One idea I have had is that after i talk with my parents, someone like the guard or Dov could talk with them or something
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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 15 Jun 2010 04:14 #70712

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Gevalt! Hatzlocha with your parents. Chances are they really love you and want the best for you more than any other people in the entire world. But if they have a hard time understanding, better go with them to a shrink or rov who knows you. Why would they respect an addict? They know nothing of sobriety. Maybe you can ask them who they want to talk with about it and go from there. hatzlocha and our tefilos are with you whatever you do. easy does it.

"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

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Re: Chazak Amenu's climb 15 Jun 2010 04:22 #70714

Chazak Amenu Current streak: 378 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 526 Karma: 0	I don't have a rav who i am close with...I am reall thinking on how to go by it, i want to have a lot of confidence so i won't back out of it. should i show them GYE? I don't know but tomorrow i am going to write a draft of somethins similar to what i would say.
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