Have a great shabbos - I think that it's a better idea to have a regular password (or even a random one) that you send to the filter gabbai, that way you can access it in case you need it...

thats the idea, i am not the one making the password my father is! he said he would and i believe him, i am not sending it to a filter gabbai because my dad said he would do it and if i make a password or start to do that whole thing it will not end well, i am certainly not making another random password because i will have a repeat of last times close call, i need to learn from my mistakes not repeat them! the only option i have at this moment in time is for my father to make a password that i don't know so he can keep it until he needs it. have a great Shabbos SB!

OK, sounds good - hope you had a good shabbos!

My respect for you is endless!

Chazak Amenu wrote on 28 May 2010 17:04:

If it's really your only option (I assume because your dad got ticked off that your 'random password' trick hampered the virus cleaning and reinstall process. I just hope you realize that if the filter isn't set right, you might need to ask him to add some specific website to the black list (or the white list!) that could have him raise his eyebrows. All the more so if you choose to move to accountability software. {"Sorry I went to p**n.com, Dad; I was doing research for a book report?!!?} But anyhow, I expect you've worked this all through already.

B'hatzlacha!

Like i have mentioned before i am a procrastinator, i did not realize until recently how bad my procrastinating is. I realized when talking to you that the biggest (not the only) reason I have this por* and masturbatio* problem is because of my procrastination. Looking back it seems that most (not all) of the time I would (do) watch por* and masturbat* is at the end of the morning maybe a 45 minutes or less before my mom comes home. I feel the reason for this is because generally i don't get all if any of my work done (normally I gets at least some done). I get scared and nervous that my mom and dad will find out and get mad at me. I also get scared i won't get to college. I begin to fell VERY stressed and anxious and so i resort to por* and masturbatio*. obviously there is a lot more to say on this topic  but this is a summery. i found this description of procrastination online and it describe me almost perfectly. I copied the article,

"There are many ways to avoid success in life, but the most sure-fire just might be procrastination. Procrastinators sabotage themselves. They put obstacles in their own path. They actually choose paths that hurt their performance.

Why would people do that? I talked to two of the world's leading experts on procrastination: Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at De Paul University in Chicago, and Timothy Pychyl, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. Neither one is a procrastinator, and both answered my many questions immediately.

  1. Twenty percent of people identify themselves as chronic procrastinators. For them procrastination is a lifestyle, albeit a maladaptive one. And it cuts across all domains of their life. They don't pay bills on time. They miss opportunities for buying tickets to concerts. They don't cash gift certificates or checks. They file income tax returns late. They leave their Christmas shopping until Christmas eve.
  2. It's not trivial, although as a culture we don't take it seriously as a problem. It represents a profound problem of self-regulation. And there may be more of it in the U.S. than in other countries because we are so nice; we don't call people on their excuses ("my grandmother died last week") even when we don't believe them.
  3. Procrastination is not a problem of time management or of planning. Procrastinators are not different in their ability to estimate time, although they are more optimistic than others. "Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up," insists Dr. Ferrari.
  4. Procrastinators are made not born. Procrastination is learned in the family milieu, but not directly. It is one response to an authoritarian parenting style. Having a harsh, controlling father keeps children from developing the ability to regulate themselves, from internalizing their own intentions and then learning to act on them. Procrastination can even be a form of rebellion, one of the few forms available under such circumstances. What's more, under those household conditions, procrastinators turn more to friends than to parents for support, and their friends may reinforce procrastination because they tend to be tolerant of their excuses.
  5. Procrastination predicts higher levels of consumption of alcohol among those people who drink. Procrastinators drink more than they intend to—a manifestation of generalized problems in self-regulation. That is over and above the effect of avoidant coping styles that underlie procrastination and lead to disengagement via substance abuse.
  6. Procrastinators tell lies to themselves. Such as, "I'll feel more like doing this tomorrow." Or "I work best under pressure." But in fact they do not get the urge the next day or work best under pressure. In addition, they protect their sense of self by saying "this isn't important." Another big lie procrastinators indulge is that time pressure makes them more creative. Unfortunately they do not turn out to be more creative; they only feel that way. They squander their resources.
  7. Procrastinators actively look for distractions, particularly ones that don't take a lot of commitment on their part. Checking e-mail is almost perfect for this purpose. They distract themselves as a way of regulating their emotions such as fear of failure.
  8. There's more than one flavor of procrastination. People procrastinate for different reasons. Dr. Ferrari identifies three basic types of procrastinators:
  9. arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait to the last minute for the euphoric rush.
  10. avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case are very concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.
  11. decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. Not making a decision absolves procrastinators of responsibility for the outcome of events.
  12. There are big costs to procrastination. Health is one. Just over the course of a single academic term, procrastinating college students had such evidence of compromised immune systems as more colds and flu, more gastrointestinal problems. And they had insomnia. In addition, procrastination has a high cost to others as well as oneself; it shifts the burden of responsibilities onto others, who become resentful. Procrastination destroys teamwork in the workplace and private relationships.
  13. Procrastinators can change their behavior—but doing so consumes a lot of psychic energy. And it doesn't necessarily mean one feels transformed internally. It can be done with highly structured cognitive behavioral therapy"               

this pretty much describes what is going on and i know it is directly related to my addiction, I have to stop procrastination as well as watching por* and masturbatio*.

Chazak Amenu wrote on 01 Jun 2010 15:15:

Forgive me, since this is not the centerpiece of your last post, and it might sound a little rough, but it did make my eyebrows furrow just a bit.

I believe in the past you've said on your thread that you have a twin brother (15) who homeschools on the same general schedule. Now you say your mom is typically out in the late morning. So, it's probably just you and your bro at home while you might IN THE PAST (!!) have put 45 min of homework time into acting out.

And I believe you've said you don't think your brother has any clue about your challenges, other than maybe once having seen a GYE email in your inbox.

But, surely your brother is aware that you're really behind in schoolwork, so he'd know it's not always schoolwork going on behind your door. Do you think it's just maybe possible that he's imagined what might be going on, or otherwise "put the pieces together?"

I hate to break it to you, kid, or put you into Ch'V any place of anxiety or concern, but if your brother has even HALF the IQ that you obviously do, he knows that 2+2=4. And that Santa Claus isn't real.

Or, am I missing something? Once again, pardon my being so brash AND my looking at such a piece of aggadata in your thoughtful post. Thanks.

my brother works in the basement and i work on the top floor so he does not see me doing all of that, and about being behind on work he knows about, because when i get behind on work so does he because we only have one of some of the text books so all in all he really has no clue about my problem.

yeah yeah yeah. And when I was a teenager and my parents decided to go to bed early but their lights didn't go out, I probably figured they were doing homework, too. Surely I wouldn't even imagine that anything else was going on in the bedroom. (Well, actually, that thought did seem a little gross at the time to a teenager, but that's a different story. I'm just trying to say that your brother is no idiot, as far as I can tell.

Sorry to grab you out of the river of de'nial.

he thinks i am wasting my time doing other stuff like NBA.  Its true! it does not really matter any way this is about me getting better not if my brother knows or not. which brings me to the fact that i fell today...but i don't want to talk about it it is just a hitch in the road i would much rather know what people have to say about the procrastination article. thanks

CA,

It certainly seems like an excellent article ! Can you identify which type of procrastinator you are ? Paragraphs 9, 10, and 11 in the article list the 3 types.

I'm not a procrastinator, so I can't relate to it as much as you do. But even if you think the reason for your falling is because of the procrastination (like you said, the procrastination leads to your stress and anxiety), overcoming procrastination will be a great start but I don't think it will be a magical cure. Because even people who aren't procrastinators have stress and anxiety in their life. So you'll still need to work on how to manage living your life with stress and anxiety. Or to say it another way, you'll need to figure out how to do both of the following skills:
1) To lessen the stress and anxiety in your life, and
2) How to cope with the stress and anxiety that remains even after step # 1

Does that make sense to you ?

One more point from personal experience. Sometimes the very effort to reduce stress or anxiety has led me to more stress or anxiety. So be careful not to fall into that vicious cycle. If you accept the fact that your life will usually have some stress or anxiety, you'll be a lot better off than thinking that you can do away completely with those emotions.

thank you commando i have heard that over analyzing hurts and i always over analyze! there i talk to myself in my head i plan and i do the whole thing it is in my DNA! I would probably be 10 and 11 but i am not sure obviously neither one describes me exactly i am not really afraid of what people will think of me but i might be afraid of success i really enjoy history and i started out strong but now i procrastinate that too because i am good at it as well as drumming and things like that where i have talent but procrastinate it even if i like it.. ok here are a few things which i am afraid to admit which i am going to do anyway, first off right now i really want to fall again! i am telling myself that i already fell today so i might as well get as much enjoyment out of it as possible it will not count as another day lost. second i still do not have a filter on my laptop and it is killing me...i am going to have to harass my father even more! i felt like he was becoming suspicious already but now i cant take any risks i have to ask him every half hour or so, i have to bring the computer to him, what ever it takes! please someone help me with the more pressing matter which is that i want to fall again!

CA, read the article "preventing freefall" in the section "what works for me" !

P.S. I think I saw you yesterday, but you ran up a tree before I had a chance to say hello  ;D

hahaha, i wanted to stay anonymous!

You can also change your mood by writing a short essay about why the UN shouldn't condemn Israel about yesterday's incident when Israel stopped that ship. Get angry ! >
It's difficult to be lustful when you're angry about something like that.

Israelis are scape goats, we did it in self defense! there is tape so maybe that will help