Why is the aim simply going further than you ever dreamed?

I just told my own yeshiva bochur that we were going to visit Bubbee and she intended to take us on a multi-day sightseeing trip that would: a) be a gevaldige, always-remember event, and: b) require him to miss the first night seder of the next zman, and perhaps the next day as well. He's elected to fly back alone to get to night seder. He said that in 20 years, he thinks he'd regret the other choice more.

At first I was frustrated at the lack of family unification during Bubbee's command performance. But now, I cry tears of gratitude that he should make such mature choices at such a tender age, and think about 20 years from now rather than just today.

Asking your parents to heed the gedolei Torah and install the filter -- with or without a lust problem to fuel the request -- is (as MasterCard says), priceless. Shkoiach.

I'll object heartily, though, to any thought that my kids' parents had anything to do with his making good choices. We certainly haven't been model parents; all I can try is "not to screw him up too bad" compared to the amazing potential I see in him. Yes, I'm doing okay in that department, but the One who's raising him is, to me, obviously TBGU (the Big Guy upstairs).

THE LEAKY BUCKET

In the very olden times, there was once a great queen. This queen had many, many servants to take care of every task. One particular servant was responsible for bringing water from the well to the queen's table. However, it was a long journey from the castle to the well from which fresh, clean and pure water could be obtained. As this was the time before cars and other convenient machines, the servant carried two buckets - one attached to each end of a long stick - to transport water back to the castle. One of the buckets was new - it shone in the sunlight and it was perfect in every way. The other bucket was older and it had a small hole on one side which caused water to leak from it onto the ground, along the road back to the castle.

Thus, whenever, the servant arrived back to the castle, although he had filled 2 buckets of water, he had only 1? to present to the queen. This caused the leaky bucket great distress. Twice a day when the servant picked up the buckets to go to the well, the older one would look longingly at the new one, “Oh, why can't I be as shiny and flawless as the other?” the bucket would bemoan. The leaky bucket would cast envious looks at the new bucket since not a single drop fell from its new, glistening metal. It tried every possible way of shifting its weight, of rotating its sides to minimize the leakage, but all to no avail. It could retain no more than 1/2 bucket through the long walk back to the castle.

One day, the leaking bucket was distraught and cried out to the servant, "why don't you just throw me away? I'm of no use to you. I can do barely 1/2 the work of your new bucket. You have to walk such a long way back and forth to the well and I leak out half of the water you fill me with. The queen is such a good, noble, divine queen. I want to serve her as well as your new. But I can't; I can't even give her a full bucket of water."

The servant was very wise (sometimes wisdom lies hidden in places where we don't expect it). He said to the bucket, "Look down. Look below you on the path to the castle, the path upon which you leak your water." The bucket at first was too ashamed to look and see drops of precious water scattered on the ground. When it finally looked, however, it noticed a thick row of beautiful flowers - so many lush, blossoming varieties - lining the path with vibrancy and beauty.

"Every day I pick these flowers to decorate the queen’s table and her room," the servant said. "When I noticed that you were leaking, I planted seeds all along the path on your side of the road. Then, twice a day you come and water them. Now, they have grown and blossomed into the queen's favourite centerpiece. She says their fragrance calms her mind and brings peace to her heart. So, you see, you are not useless at all. Rather, you are serving two purposes - both to bring water (albeit half a bucket) and to bring beautiful flowers to the queen's castle

Yeah, okay, so every once in a while we get to see the flowers that grew along the way. But sometimes it just looks like we're walking around with a pile of junk on our heads, and taking a leak wherever we go.

Sure are nice flowers, though, eh?

A most amazing thing happened yesterday! (I don't think this will trigger anyone, but 'alert' anyhow.)

Yesterday, a couple of weird things happened, leaving me with some physical emotional stress and pain. I didn't want to hold onto so much tension. (Last night was also mikveh night, adding to both the tension and my desire to get rid of it.) I called a neighborhood massage therapist I've used before (yes, he's gay but no, his sessions don't involve any inappropriate "touching"). He was free and I went right over.

The amazing thing is, a couple of the physical pains were really uncomfortable far beyond what I would have predicted. They were also a little more "personal" in location than just a sore shoulder, but he was willing to work on them anyhow. By the time we finished, not only were the pains gone BUT ALSO THE RID-BASED DESIRE TO HAVE THIS 'PLANNED FALL' I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR DAYS. Simply, GONE.

So, I can now report that a physical cause was definitely definitely related to my thoughts and plans. I was simply hurting -- more physically than emotionally. Wow. Go figure.

I share this because there may be OTHERS in the chevra who could use a medical workup to make sure there's nothing medical/physical going on. Blood levels of hormones, thyroid, whatever? Muscle pulls or hernias or whatever? Stress that's taken root in a challenging location?

I can't believe I missed the signals of a medical problem. Gevaldig.

d_teddybear wrote on 14 Dec 2010 18:23:
Well, no. I haven't done 12 steps in calls, in person, nothin'.

Anyone may PM me for details on why not, since I don't wish to offend, but bottom line is that I still think my best bet is compulsive posting, some good therapy, and a lot of brutal honesty. And so far, this has all taken me further than I would have dreamed. Thanks to the RBSO!!

oisvorf wrote on 19 Apr 2010 11:27:

These are 12-Step phone groups. There is no mussar shmuezzen there, instead there is a moderator who is experienced with the 12-Steps, and they read from the 12-Step literature. The 12-Steps are the ABC's of being a mentch, the derech eretz kadma laTorah. Read tool #14 of the handbook to understand the magic behind the 12-Steps somewhat.

My dear friend Briut, in my opinion this comment is, pardon me, REALLY DUMB!!!... You simply don't know what you are missing.