Eye.nonymous wrote on 21 Nov 2010 06:49:

Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan

Briut you reminded me of the old Satmar Rebbe's vort. we say "borei nefashos rabos, Hashem created many souls, vechesronam, some of them are missing a little, why? lehachyos bahem nefesh kol chai, to make things interesting/funny...

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 22 Nov 2010 05:31:


I didn't know Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan sang and played guitar.

well, i knew he meditated, painted and studied physics. he also learned and remembered a staggering amount of Torah. don't know if he sang and played guitar but if he did i would not be surprised.
(if you want to see where he discusses the speaking silence look in his books: Innerspace and Meditation and the Bible)

Note to the record:
I had a nice shacharis today. My davening's been a little shvach, so I moved to an interlinear siddur and I try to find random words that speak to me and ponder them for 30-60 seconds. I particularly like words that SEEM to be superfluous.

Today, I found right after morning Brochos, "and save me, TODAY AND EVERY DAY, from an evil companion, evil neighbor" etc etc. If we're saying "every day," why the extra word "today"? Isn't today one of the "every" days?? So I pondered. Maybe it's something like this.

Save me TODAY means right now; immediate; I'm in acute pain from some thorn or worse and I'm counting on HKB'H to help me IN THE MOMENT to feel better. It's different than save me EVERY DAY which is really just a vague concept of 'always' that never comes. But maybe we've got to say "every day" because we can also be scared IN THE MOMENT about how things will be tomorrow. We're not scared about our tomorrow; we're scared NOW about being SCARED tomorrow.

(I think about the terms social workers use: there's "hunger" meaning right now, and there's "food insecurity" which means you're scared today there won't be food tomorrow. Both are painful now.)

I suppose this all boils down to "one day at a time" or "be here now" or whatever your phrasing is. So, save me TODAY is a different concept than save me EVERY day, and we're davening for both.

This might not be Chazal's true intent at all, but this worked for me this morning. Davening felt good (which isn't really our point in davening, but that's another discussion).

Briut, that was beautiful! thanks

GEVALDIGGG!!

I hope I remember that tomorrow morning!

So, the struggle has its ups and downs.

I just posted about the beautiful shacharis yesterday and the nice little vort that entered my head.

Well, last night I davened an early mincha so didn't have maariv at 5pm-ish. I thought of my 'favorite' later one at 9:30 and missed it due to a 10pm carpool (don't ask...!). And I came home from carpool and said hi to the kids and felt really tired and ended up forgetting all about maariv and going to bed. I couldn't fall asleep and yet couldn't remember why.

So I lost Maariv completely.

Inspiration is fleeting, it seems. Maybe there's a lesson in here for me....

Briut, can i learn a little from your experiences?

maybe the message is that we are bozos on the bus and we should be grateful for every mariv, every shachris, every beautiful thought that 'falls' into our head. and if we forget mariv and can't remember what it is we forgot then we should appreciate all the times we do remember what it is that we are forgetting, and thank Hashem for the mind He gave us and the ride He gives us.

(don't forget to tip the Driver, it's Thanksgiving, you know...)

and one last thing Briut, your posts are beautiful and thought-provoking, thank you!

I am on board with ZS.

Maybe there is a lesson in missing Maariv one night. And maybe that lesson is to appreciate the Maarivs that I have. I'm not seeing the inspiration fleeting away to anywhere.

sturggle wrote on 25 Nov 2010 16:34:


how about if i get on board with you? i always dreamed of flying an F-16.....

Briut wrote on 25 Nov 2010 12:46:


Briut, I can really feel your pain.  It must have been something about last night's maariv.  You see the one kaballah I made before Yom Kippur had to do with Maariv.  Last night was the first night since then that I didn't keep to it.  It hurt.  So I'm thinking that I got to work on strengthening my Maariv even more so I don't slip again.  Any thoughts are welcome.  What I'm thinking about is maybe starting to say (and work on understanding) the Shir Hamaalos that Nusach Sefard says before Maariv even though I usually daven in a Nusach Ashkenaz shul.  Or just working through the Halachos of Maariv.  Hopefully this way I can look back next Yom Kippur and say "Ki Nefalti Komti"  Even though I fell, I got up (even higher).  Hatzlacha

Briut wrote on 25 Nov 2010 12:46:

I think one lesson to learn is about TASHLUMIN for Ma'ariv at Shacharis.
(But ask your Local Orthodox Rabbi.  By the way, I know of a Rav who is also a chosson teacher.  On some shalom bayis issues his wife says "let's ask the Rabbi," and he says "But I AM the Rabbi!")
If I'm right, would have been more helpful if I noticed this earlier.

--Eye.

OK, yet another confession -- I've been getting complacent, and now it's gettin' ready to hit me in the face. Help!!

Another business trip coming up. Another thought about, maybe, planning a fall. Which has quickly led to my discovering that with one phone call, it seems I could set up a 'situation' I've long dreamed about and never had. (I'll skip details, but it's not really a se*ual encounter; it's just a GYE-inappropriate thing to do.)

So here I am. I've never been closer to this 'situation' before, but now I realize I could and should stay further away from it than before I found GYE. But I've got this voice in my head that's calling me 'a real putz.' Something like this opportunity came up a few months back, and I walked away. Some other scenes have been my way, and I've actually RUN away.

But this time is different. I'm hearing the question as, "would you rather keep living with a fantasy, or with a memory; why not just indulge yourself once, put it behind you, and move on."

And I try to answer that turning the fantasy into a memory (i.e., actually fulfilling it) doesn't make it easier to send it away -- verkehrt! And I try to say there's no kedusha in the scene, so why would I see it as good? And I try to say... well, I've tried lots of things. And still I have a phone number in my wallet.

Here's as close as I've gotten so far. I actually think this is a fair approach, and those who've been with me for these months here will know that it's not a new approach for me. (It's also succeeded for me in the past, by the way.) It goes like this:

"RBS'O, you know I'm wanting this, and you know I'm thinking it will bring me much happiness. And I know you want my happiness. So here's the thing -- if this is NOT the direction you think my happiness should be taking, not even for a couple of hours... then... I'm counting on You to do two things:
1) put a stumbling block before my efforts, AND make me know it's coming from You;
2) bring my way something that makes me feel equally good as (I guess) my own plans would.

You see, you know I'm on my way to do this deed, but if I see Your Hand at work I'm willing to trade this pleasure in for another pleasure. But promise that other pleasure is at least as good, and gets delivered quickly and easily, and that it's got Your Name all over it."

Chevra, I know that's a lot of chutzpa to put in front of the RBS'O, but I'm putting it out to Him the way I see it. Only if there's three boats and a helicopter will I get the message and turn away. So I'm missing something, but I'm not sure what.

Can you help out?

I dunno...I kinda picture the guy in the helicopter turning to his copilot and saying, "hey, Shloimie, isn't that the same guy we airlifted out a coupla weeks ago?"

Hashem's response to your tefilos is amazing, I won't deny that. But it sounds like you're expecting him to throw a monkey wrench in your plans...again, and again, and again. You already have the message, you know you do. So why ask for it again?

I travel extensively (as reported elsewhere on this forum) so I know the nisayon/feeling of, "I can have any illicit pleasure I want with impunity".
It used to be a difficult nisayon, its not so much any more.
Life has taught me, with 100% certainty that illicit pleasures won't bring me happinies.
Staying faithfull to my wife and my ideals will make me happy, not some illicit pleasure.

With fantasies, "just this one time" is never really enough, you are always longing for more while the collateral damage to the rest of your life can't be overstated.

I want to be happy, I'm not getting anywhere near this kind of fantasy...