Day 43 (I count from sundown). I've been thinking recently about one question I find quite interesting.
What's the common ground for admission to this site? In other words, I see heavy infusions of a required "addiction to p**n and m**n due to unfettered exposure to corners of the 'net" for folks to be seen as 'belonging' here. I've been having a difficult time putting myself in that box. So I've been wondering what the required admission criteria are supposed to be.
Something came to mind. I struggle with many of the words I mentioned above as the required infusions. Largely with the word "addiction." But I do see one word that is related to this and which I must acknowledge.
Compulsion.
I definitely get compulsive about certain urges in life (not just this) and occasionally even obsess over them. If you'd ask me if I have compulsive behavior in the area of sexuality-not-al-pi-halacha, I'd have to say yes.
(Or, at least in my most quiet and personal moments I'd whisper 'yes' to myself. Even if I publicly declare that this compulsion is no different than any red-blooded (frei) American teenage male typically just referred to as h**ny.)
So there, that seems simple. If a "compulsion" is enough to be welcomed on the site, then I suppose I'm not a poseur after all but a qualified member. I don't know, and thankfully might not need to know, if I am compulsive about my sexuality the way other people are about: sex, alcohol, liquor, violence, bad jokes, having the last word, whatever. If I feel obsessive or compulsed, then by definition I'm not making conscious and informed choices. And therefore I don't really know what I'm doing. And therefore I'm not living an informed life. Which means I've got to consider the alternatives.
Guard, maybe you knew what you were doing when you moved my thread to this Wall rather than just a post about breaking free. Darn it.