Good thought re Dov. He might know more about what 9 yrs, 1 day at a time, can mean. Maybe he'll even see this post and skip a PM.

It is blizzarding on the East Coast. Nice to know I'm not the only 1 flying blind. At least I know Who is flying the plane....

And im here chillin and enjoyin the beautiful yerushalayim weather!! :D :D :D Yes and be jealous!!   :D :D

imtrying25 wrote on 10 Feb 2010 21:00:


I can tell you from the cold south, we are jealous.  Briut, Keep on trucking!!!

It is very blizzardy on the East Coast US. Outside we can see how great His works are. Although it's better to see it from inside. Where it's B'H warm, light, nourishing, and full of everything nice except my web connection. (This is coming from my crackberry.) So, since everything I have is everything I need, it's clear I am going to enjoy the snow without the full-time company of you guys. C'est la vie. Or should I start saying, laBriut.

I will ponder the wonder of it all and see how it's a special message from Above.  hmmnn.

wow!

imtrying25 wrote on 11 Feb 2010 18:03:


ditto

I agree with you there. Your sexual orientation is no more an addiction than anyone's sexual orientation is an addiction. "What" we desire is not an addiction.

However, you may be addicted to "lust", in the same way that most of us here are. (Again, this has nothing to do with orientation.)

Lust addiction is a disease where we are "trigger happy"  , meaning very easily triggered by things (and it doesn't matter by what, whether it's guys, girls or smelly socks - yes, one SSA guy used to tell me he was triggered by smelly socks in the mikva).

Psychiatrists call this disease "hyper-sexuality". It doesn't matter what the orientation is, it is a medical condition that can actually be tested using some device or another - where the person's arousal can be tracked. With lust addicts, it shoots off the charts by the slightest suggestion or trigger. And that is what they call a "disease" or "allergy" in the 12-Step groups.

Understanding that we are lust addicts is the foundation of recovery. It means we are powerless, just like someone who has an allergy to peanuts is powerless to his reaction if he eats peanuts. That is the first of the 12-Steps. And once we face this truth about ourselves, we realize we can't afford to struggle with lust anymore at all - and must completely avoid it. If faced with lust, we can only "give it over to Hashem" to deal with, as we are powerless ourselves.

I hope this clears up some things... 

First of all, opening up about what's happening is great, i think. I know thst I've found it helpful.

Briut wrote on 12 Feb 2010 05:06:


If you're calling it an "excuse," then I'd have to say that even if it happens, it's probably not coming from hashem...?

Amen!

We're just not wired that way. A regular SA guy will go for anything - that vaguely resembles a female. It's like asking why don't we run after rocks. It's just not a sexual experience for us. Why not? Why is anything a sexual experience? It's just that way.

Hi folks.
Well, if I was  earlier interested in understanding the nature and definition of addiction, I guess I'm not so much anymore.

I've decided that whatever the definitions etc, I'm on some kind of path toward some kind of work. And I'd better get out of my "head" looking at definitions and get on with my life of living.  It may just have been a distraction.

So I'm now sitting about day 33.  It's harder and it's easier.  Someone (thanks a LOT, me3, I suppose) warned me that at about day 30 there would be a big temptation.  I'm not sure it's really a temptation. But it is... different. I don't have time now to give a lot of details, but basically I'm wondering what I'm in this for and what the goalline / finishline will look like.  As if there is one.  Hmmnn.

This is my second cycle of niddah with my wife in these 33 days. Does make things a little more challenging, fer sure. Although if I've just been lusting with her and not sharing love with her, maybe even being with her wouldn't be the best thing to do.  Mutual exploitation by consent, I read recently.  Hmmnnn.

In the meantime, I'm feeling a level of magnetic energy between myself and Hashem that's much higher than in a long time.  I know He brought me to this, and I know He either wants me to succeed OR to learn a really important lesson from a "failure." In either case, I can't give up in mid-story right now.

Is this the Wall where folks give chizuk?  Could you offer some?

Ask me what I haven't thought to report, and that you'd need to know to offer some enlightened feedback.  I don't think that feeling even a little isolated right now is good for the journey....

Thanks.  Gut Voch.

the reason that it gets hard is that the initial emtional charge wears off. Old habits start to kick in. Doubt creeps upon us.  And of course our old friend the YH stops by and says who are you fooling? It aint gonna work long term anyway. It's just not you.


all BT's go through this phase too, although I suspect there are aspects of this that are harder and vice versa.

I don't have a good answer other then perseverance, and that it isn't an all up hill battle. There will be easier times to.

funny, me3, you've got it again. I am trying for some 'balance' in my life. (Typically, I go full throttle and then stomp on the brakes and then repeat.)

YH is telling me to take a little break. my head is saying stick with it a little longer. (At least til my wife is muttar in a few days.) But my shabbos shluff included an overtly sensual dream which is unusual for me -- at least for a Shabbos nap).

my bottomline right now -- if I am so caught up insaying my issues are not truly an addiction, then I am sticking with this just to prove - to myself and others perhaps - that I can stop anytime I want.

How twisted is that? Oh, well, no one expected logical from me anyhow. I live thru miracles sometimes and not always what we'd call reality.

So, I've been off on the journey I didn't know I was starting.
Posting questions, perhaps rhetorical, but still hoping someone would answer and put some "texture" to my curiosities.
Not hearing much in return (blast this WOH thing when I was so loving the support etc of the klal that reads the newbie posts).
Realizing that the work is not to find questions requiring answers, but to find the path I can travel on my own.

I have done a lot of therapy and introspection over the years; you couldn't travel the roads I have without that; yet still I feel this road is uncharted.
We eat three times a day, yet food addiction happens. We make kiddush each week, yet alcoholism exists.
We walk around with our bris every minute, but what constitutes control or helplessness or self-indulgence or chet or....

I think it's day 34. Do I care what the count is? Or should I care instead about the moment, like where I'll allow my hand to wander when my Shabbos nap dreams turn (interesting). Will there be a major breakthrough at day 89 that I haven't had in every single dammm day of my life since before I even hit puberty?

If I'm that self-aware, though, why the nearly morbid curiosity about what's going to happen next?  Just stay in the moment.

And why do I feel as if I'll only be interested in doing it if Hashem shows me He wants it by making it seem easy?
(I'm SOOOOOO tired of hard battles, er um make that difficult battles .)

This rant and rage is brought to you courtesy of the day before my wife and I are slated to become muttar to each other again. Perhaps there really is PMS for men (pre-mikveh syndrome).

Have a great day, all.