Momo wrote on 14 Dec 2009 12:27:


Yakov's attitude tip reminds me of this article by Rabbi Twerski.

Powerful article, and I believe that Yaakov S. was miskaven to this. Thanks for the link!

My favorite line is this "Rabbi Akiva said that avodas Hashem consists of doing whatever one can do at any particular moment, given one’s condition at that moment."

Yaakov mentioned (if I understood correctly) that there are 3 stages.
1. In the addiction.
2. Breaking free from the addictive behavior, but feeling "lost". Kanesher explained I'm feeling the emptiness that I used to fill with p***. In order to survive this stage without reverting to stage 1, it's imperative to "let go and let G-d.", also known in the 12 steps as "surrendering" to the Higher Power.
3. Finding yourself, feeling fulfilled/complete, "living", hardly feeling a need to act out.

Thank G-d, I've moved from stage 1 to stage 2. (I hope I don't revert back to stage 1.)

(Yaakov, please correct me if I misunderstood you.)

Can anyone else relate to this?

OK- my piece by piece


WOW. Thanks kanesher so much for posting that. Real advice for real people! Yeh!!!

Your post was so fantastic, I'm going to break it down, bit by bit, with my reaction:

"Now we have to look for another forum grump!" - I hope so!  ;D

"What you've done is incredible - suddenly you've released your meaningfulness - when we feel that emptiness, we numb it with porn. Instead, you're letting yourself feel the pain - and that pain will push you express your incredible potential. Feel the void - and answer it's call. You're on a roll!" - Great chizuk for me and it explains what I'm feeling and why now.

"Quitting and veging at home is suicide.  Besides, in today's economic crisis, who the heck knows what you'd get? " - You're right. Good advice. Running away from my job won't help me very much, just put me in a bad place.

"Figure out what you're good at...-may I suggest Now Discover Your Strengths by Gallup and the 8th Habit by Stephen Covey - both about finding your unique skills " - I don't know how to transfer what I like (being a yekke, working with nice people, music) as a job skill, but these are good starting places.

--Well then, why don't we that here? You have a bunch of intelligent people - what do you like? What are you good at? Music? That's a career. Nice people - sales? Etc. Give us more of a picture! Also, Gallup has a great strengthfinder test which you can take if you buy one of their books that tells you what your strengths are and how you can apply them (cheapest on is strengthfinder 2.0 for $11, but I suggest the first book) the've made a science of it - how strengths - all strengths - apply in the workforce.


"Then see where you can express - saying to your Boss.." - My job is so defined and they are so rigid, I tried once to move to a different dept. and got a "no".

----Did you try selling it to him? Or making a win/win deal? "If I can't imrpove this deptartment - let's say, sales, by 2% in the next 60 days, I'll move back, no questions asked?" Did you tell him what in it for him - not a happier you - but a richer him? Happier customers? Or how about just impelemnting a few ideas, or part time - and letting the results speak for themselves (7 Habits by Stepehn Covey)? Or did he just say no to a kvetchy unproductive employee? How about excelling at what you're doing now - and maybe trying then? Maybe apply your creativity to it - measuring everything to your boss, in terms of win/win - more money and success for him?

But first you've got to be sure yourself - seriously, read these books - let us know what you're good at and we'll brainstorm - and then we'll hit your boss again, from a totally different angle, with a plan - not just "I hate my job. Gimme another one"... let's not look at your boss. We can't control him. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN CONTROL IS YOU - but when you change you, and your approach, you change the whole game (may I recommend, Dance Of Anger by Dr. Harriet Lerner for more about patterns and our role in them).

But, you've given me good ideas. I've got to find myself.

I guess I'm going through a mid-life crises, right? Just without the new sports car and new wife. 
--the car will come when you make more cash. And your wife will be a totallly different person, because she'll be married to a totally different person.
Summary: Buy the car. Keep the wife.   YOU CAN DO THIS! no - YOU ARE DOING THIS! LIVE!

Kanesher, thanks again.

I'll have to look at those books/tests you mentioned and get back to you. Maybe I'll PM you with more details later, if that's OK with you. I don't want to reveal too many details of my job publicly.

Momo wrote on 14 Dec 2009 14:38:

cool by me (anyway, candle time - c u all later!)

wow...

It was great speaking with you today.  You really sounded great and it seems like you are really making progress overall.  Keep up the great work. And remember, have patience.  recovery takes time.  Please stay in touch.  Feel free to call whenever, but your best chances are the times that I gave you.

Hi everyone!

7 clean days.

Beginning of workday #5 (out of seven, instead of eight because I decided to take one day off this week to spend with my family).

I'm feeling anxious like I seem to every morning. But, with HaShem's help, I know I can do it one more day. One day at a time.

No outside surfing.

I'm grateful for my health, my family, my friends, and the opportunity to prove to myself and HaShem that I can go one more day with no outside surfing.

Sometimes it's so hard, it hurts inside. Like now.

I don't want to surf. I don't want to act out.
I know the 2 minutes of "pleasure" I'll get isn't worth the anger and depression I'll feel afterward.
I understand retraint leads to real freedom and to living. But you all know how hard it is to restrain yourself.

Yes we all no how hard it is to restarin ourselves. But we gotta try and keep oue selves busy so as not to have to think about it. Ok so keep yourself bus reading this.
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IT25, I can always count on you. Thanks. 

No no no i can count on you. Allowing myself to be a little nutty actually makes me feel better and lets me leave go a little. Good for the heart they say. ;D ;D ;D
Btw theres a tune for that ill have to teach it to you one day. And as i always say............KEEP ON ROCKING THE BOAT AND I DONT CARE IF WE TIP OVER, SO LONG AS WERE HAVIN' FUN!!

WHEW.. tryah....
What was I supposed to say when I agree?  ;D

GO MOMO