nice rap, momo.
very expressive.

i especially like the last line...
expand on that a little?

letakain21 wrote on 08 Dec 2009 17:06:

Beautiful, thanks Letakain21.

He's my Mommy, and my Tatty, too. And only a very ill Mommy or Tatty does not doesn't recognize and accept their own flesh and blood back with love, when they come with genuine dependence. I can't believe that Hashem is sick, that's all. So I go to Him.

habib613 wrote on 08 Dec 2009 17:46:


What? "Yeh, Yeh"? 
That's 1. 

You probably mean "Not realizing that the answer is within me and not you." I meant that it's great to get advice from you guys and Rav S on how to live and what to do, but the answer probably is within me and my heart, I just have to find it.

Sci1977 wrote yesterday that he's living life, and I PM-ed him asking him how he does that.
Here's his response. He asked me to post it publicly, so here it is. Thanks sci!

"I think I just made up my stubborn mind to be resolute to change my actions.  I love my job and have since the day I was hired.  My attitude is my wife was an addict to to drinking.  I have lived the other side of what my wife is going through.  I know what I did was gross and needed to change.  I was hurting myself and my family.  As for work, I stumbled upon this job from the good old boys network.  If you hate your job, talk to people.  I was about to be laid off, I called one of my vendors and told him what was happening.  He said I like you and want to interview you to see what you can do for me.  I do not know your line of work, but the advise I can give is to talk to people.  Being bored at work is the worst thing in the world to be.

Let me know if I made any sense.  I can tell you, I am no authority on how to live ones life all I can do is be a friend.  Thank you for thinking of asking me and if at any time I can help please feel free to ask.  My father told me one time about work, just keep plugging away and you'll be rewarded.  I can tell you I have toiled for almost 7 years to find a job I actually liked.  Always try and remember if you have lemons, make lemonade.

One other thought I had for you, what is your favorite thing in the world to do?  Everyday I spend at least an hour or so a day trying to answer that question.  Its a great time killer for me."

Thank you Letakain for that beautiful story, and for posting!

momo,how was your meeting last night with the shlachster?

Just getting to that.  

First, I see someone voted above that I do the 90 days. I'm really curious to know who. You may stay anonymous, but if you'd like to come forward, would you mind PM-ing me a message (or posting, whatever you're comfortable with) explaining why? You are going against the tide, so that makes it interesting. Again, you may stay anonymous if you'd like, and I'll just live with not knowing. No pressure!

Regarding Rav S last night.
Last night he told me to go cold turkey: no surfing at all except for this site for 2 weeks. That will force me to find alternatives and ways to live, since I can't think of them myself while I have the crutch of the Internet. If I can't do that, he recommends I go to a psychiatrist, and get anti-depressant pills, then come back to him.

How do I feel about that?
First, I have to admit, I'm not sure he knows what he's doing (besides playing with my life). Why do I say this? Well, a couple of weeks ago, he told me to try not surfing during mornings only, and I was able to do that once or twice a week. I wasn't able to do that more. If I can't do mornings, how will I do 2 weeks?
I'm also scared, anxious, and have that "deer in the headlights" feeling.

Your thoughts (even if I'm not as handsome as Uri or wear as much cologne as Guard   )?

Momo,
Have faith.

Uri

and he definetly does know what he's doing.AND hes your best hope right now.
I think the best part of this post is: Momo wrote on 09 Dec 2009 07:18:

That's what your work with him is all about.
All our addiction is about is "escaping" this anxious fragile feeling.
We go to a place of comfort and security.
He's removing that temporarily so that you will be forced to go and live WITH THAT FEELING OF INSECURITY.
It's scary.
But it is O' so freeing.
Just admit your insecurity and live with it.
And slowly,your trust in yourself and in life (one and the same) will increase and you will be happier than ever,iy'h.

So, we're talking about 8 working days until I see Rav S next. (This assumes I pass this test and see him. If I fail, I don't see him until I'm doped up.)
I think I'll journal each working day in 4 quarters (2 parts in morning and 2 parts in afternoon).

Day 1: Morning part 1
Didn't surf besides personal email and this forum.
Instead I spoke with coworkers, listened to the radio, and worked!

Feeling happy, yet very anxious.

G-d help me!

I'm feeling so much energy inside me.
Maybe I should go for a walk.
Now I realize how much work I have to do, but it's so hard for me to sit here in one place for so long.

Listen to this: Rav S said that I'm allowed to do anything I want, but surf.
I said, "I might want to throw my computer out the window".
He said, "OK, do that".
???
I said, "I might want to smack my boss in the face."
He said, "OK, do that."
??? ??? ???

I think he's craaaaaaaaaaazy!  :o

Anyway, I just passed a coworker, and I felt like punching him in the stomach.

























I didn't. Instead I just laughed as I walked passed him.  

How the hell am I going to survive 7.5 more work days like this??????????

------------
Disclaimer:
What Rav S told me is only to be used by me. It was personal advice and should not be taken by anyone else.
Rav S does not condone destruction of property, stealing, or harming anyone physically.

Last poll:
9 votes for Momo to stick with Rav S's plan
1 vote for Momo to work the 90 days plan.

Positive thought of the day from Momo:




I have a better one:

"Life is not that bad, after all, I am not being eaten by a rabid, ugly dinosaur with foul smelling breath."

(I think someone gave him mouthwash)

- momo, you kill me. RONTF  ;D

Life without humor just isn't funny! 

As far as your dilemma about Reb Shlachter. I think that his approach is wonderful. If you truly can't survive 8 work days without the surfing, then you really do need some meds to help you deal with the depression/void inside you. SSRI meds can really help take the edge off the obsession and void, and the side effects are really negligible (difficulty breathing? so what? just kidding  ). 1 our of 5 people suffer from depression, and in the U.S, I think like 1 out of 8 people take meds for it... (And you are at LEAST 1 out of 8, no? Count your co-workers)...

Oh, and if you CAN survive 8 days, then great! You'll have proven to yourself that you don't need meds and can learn to live life without meds...

So now is the big test!